Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #6341
    Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    358
    Thanks
    549
    Thanked 634 Times in 172 Posts
    Rep Power
    367
    Reputation
    12721

    Default


  2. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to mi_tasol For This Useful Post:

    enf (16-09-17),fred49au (17-09-17),gulliver (19-09-17),hazman (16-09-17),Keith (18-09-17),loopyloo (17-09-17),lsemmens (18-09-17),SS Dave (16-09-17)



  • #6342
    Premium Member
    fred49au's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    75
    Posts
    586
    Thanks
    5,783
    Thanked 3,272 Times in 524 Posts
    Rep Power
    1357
    Reputation
    57071

    Default

    This is as sad as when our $2 bill went away as well!
    Canadian $2 Coin CURRENCY NEWS FROM CANADA…..
    The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced they are going to remove the polar bear from the $2 coin in view of its demise due to global warming!

    At the height of political correctness, they will replace it with two gay deer.

    The coin will now be called “two ####in’ bucks"!

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to fred49au For This Useful Post:

    enf (17-09-17),gulliver (19-09-17),hazman (19-09-17),Keith (18-09-17),lsemmens (18-09-17),mi_tasol (17-09-17)

  • #6343
    Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    358
    Thanks
    549
    Thanked 634 Times in 172 Posts
    Rep Power
    367
    Reputation
    12721

    Default


  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to mi_tasol For This Useful Post:

    enf (17-09-17),fred49au (18-09-17),gulliver (19-09-17),hazman (19-09-17),Keith (18-09-17),Tiny (17-09-17)

  • #6344
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (18-09-17),gulliver (19-09-17),hazman (19-09-17),Keith (18-09-17),mi_tasol (17-09-17),Tiny (18-09-17)

  • #6345
    Banned

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Under the Boardwalk AC USA
    Posts
    2,119
    Thanks
    1,471
    Thanked 3,031 Times in 777 Posts
    Rep Power
    0
    Reputation
    54367

    Default


  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to cmangle For This Useful Post:

    enf (18-09-17),fred49au (18-09-17),gulliver (19-09-17),hazman (19-09-17),lsemmens (18-09-17),mi_tasol (18-09-17),Tiny (18-09-17)

  • #6346
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day.

    Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people all over the planet.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    cmangle (18-09-17),fred49au (18-09-17),gulliver (19-09-17),hazman (19-09-17),Keith (19-09-17),lsemmens (18-09-17),mi_tasol (18-09-17)

  • #6347
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    cmangle (19-09-17),fred49au (19-09-17),gulliver (19-09-17),hazman (19-09-17),Keith (19-09-17),mi_tasol (18-09-17),Tiny (22-09-17)

  • #6348
    Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    358
    Thanks
    549
    Thanked 634 Times in 172 Posts
    Rep Power
    367
    Reputation
    12721

    Default


  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to mi_tasol For This Useful Post:

    enf (19-09-17),fred49au (20-09-17),gulliver (20-09-17),hazman (20-09-17),Keith (20-09-17)

  • #6349
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

    Icy dead people.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (21-09-17),gulliver (21-09-17),hazman (20-09-17),Keith (21-09-17)

  • #6350
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    The wife was holding our twin baby boys.

    "Ouch!" she said. "He's pinching my chin"

    "Which one?" I asked.

    "Jack" she answered.

    What a weird bitch I thought. She's got names for her chins.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (21-09-17),gulliver (21-09-17),hazman (20-09-17),Keith (21-09-17),lsemmens (21-09-17),mi_tasol (20-09-17)

  • #6351
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (21-09-17),fred49au (21-09-17),gulliver (21-09-17),Keith (21-09-17),lsemmens (21-09-17),mi_tasol (20-09-17)

  • #6352
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    cmangle (21-09-17),fred49au (21-09-17),gulliver (21-09-17),hazman (22-09-17),Keith (21-09-17),ol' boy (23-09-17),Tiny (22-09-17)

  • #6353
    Premium Member
    hoe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Age
    60
    Posts
    6,367
    Thanks
    266
    Thanked 4,596 Times in 1,948 Posts
    Rep Power
    1820
    Reputation
    70528

    Default

    Marriage

    #

    Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."

    "Names?", said the clerk.
    "Tim and Jim Jones."
    "Jones?? Are you related?? I see a resemblance."
    "Yes, we're brothers."
    "Brothers?? You can't get married."
    "Why not?? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
    "Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
    "Incest?" No, we are not gay."
    "Not gay?? Then why do you want to get married?"
    "For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
    "But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've claim they'd been denied equal protection under law.#
    If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
    "Wait a minute A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have.#
    But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
    "And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
    "All right, all right I'll give you your license. Next."
    "Hi. We are here to get married."
    "Names?"
    "John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
    "Who wants to marry whom?"
    "We all want to marry each other."
    "But there are four of you!"
    "That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June,

    June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me.

    All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
    "But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
    "So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
    "No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
    "Since when are you standing on tradition?"
    "Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
    "Who says?? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples.

    The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law.

    Give us a marriage license!"


    "All right, all right. Next."
    "Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
    "In what names?"
    "David Anderson."
    "And the other man?"
    "That's all. I want to marry myself"
    "Marry yourself?? What do you mean?"
    "Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together.#
    Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
    "That does it!? I quit!!? You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"


    ...Don't laugh, it's just a matter of time.

    Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk

  • The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to hoe For This Useful Post:

    + Show/Hide list of the thanked

    alpha0ne (21-09-17),dashinson (22-09-17),enf (21-09-17),fred49au (22-09-17),gamve (22-09-17),gulliver (22-09-17),hazman (22-09-17),Keith (21-09-17),mi_tasol (21-09-17),SS Dave (21-09-17),Tiny (22-09-17)

  • #6354
    Banned

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Under the Boardwalk AC USA
    Posts
    2,119
    Thanks
    1,471
    Thanked 3,031 Times in 777 Posts
    Rep Power
    0
    Reputation
    54367

    Default


  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to cmangle For This Useful Post:

    enf (23-09-17),fred49au (23-09-17),gulliver (22-09-17),hazman (22-09-17),lsemmens (23-09-17),SS Dave (22-09-17),william10 (22-09-17)

  • #6355
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (23-09-17),fred49au (23-09-17),gulliver (24-09-17),Keith (23-09-17),mkhannah (22-09-17),ol' boy (23-09-17),william10 (22-09-17)

  • #6356
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    NASA has just released a new theory on the cause of Mars changing from warm and wet to cold and dry.

    It got married.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (23-09-17),fred49au (24-09-17),gulliver (24-09-17),hazman (24-09-17),Keith (23-09-17),lsemmens (23-09-17),mi_tasol (23-09-17)

  • #6357
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    hazman (24-09-17),Keith (28-09-17)

  • #6358
    Banned

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Under the Boardwalk AC USA
    Posts
    2,119
    Thanks
    1,471
    Thanked 3,031 Times in 777 Posts
    Rep Power
    0
    Reputation
    54367

    Default


  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to cmangle For This Useful Post:

    enf (26-09-17),fred49au (28-09-17),gulliver (27-09-17),hazman (27-09-17),lsemmens (26-09-17)

  • #6359
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    A lot of women turn into good drivers apparently.

    So, if YOU are a good driver, watch out for women who are turning.........
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (28-09-17),gulliver (27-09-17),hazman (27-09-17),Keith (28-09-17),lsemmens (26-09-17),mi_tasol (27-09-17)

  • #6360
    Banned

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Under the Boardwalk AC USA
    Posts
    2,119
    Thanks
    1,471
    Thanked 3,031 Times in 777 Posts
    Rep Power
    0
    Reputation
    54367

    Default


  • The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to cmangle For This Useful Post:

    enf (28-09-17),fred49au (29-09-17),hazman (28-09-17)

  • Page 318 of 635 FirstFirst ... 218268308309310311312313314315316317318319320321322323324325326327328368418 ... LastLast

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •