Or just pay the b*tch...and he ACTUALLY appears to have PAID someone...............Originally Posted by cmangle
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A monk is in the shower when he realises he forgot the soap.
So, he runs to his room completely naked to grab some.
Once he's got the soap and is walking back he sees three nuns approaching.
Terrified that they might recognise him he freezes and pretends to be a statue.
When the nuns walk up to him they are suprised by how life-like the statue looks.
The first nun is so curious, she pulls on the monks penis.
The monk is completely suprised and drops one of the bars of soap.
"Its a machine to get a bar of soap!" The second nun exclaims and also pulls the monks penis.
And sure enough he drops the second bar.
But when the third nun pulls nothing happens so she tries again.
This goes on for a while and the other two nuns get bored and start to walk away.
Suddenly the third nun shouts: "Hallelujah! It also has liquid soap!"
A man is in court for murder and the judge says "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
Then a voice at the back of the court says, "you bastard."
Then the judge continues, "you are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer."
Again the voice at the back of the court says, "you bastard."
The judge says, "now we cannot have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt, now what is the problem?"
Then the man at the back of the court says,
"Fifteen years I lived next door to that bastard and every time I asked to borrow a hammer he said he never had one!
Two Irishmen went down to Centrelink pretending to be deaf, in order to get disability money from the government.
The next day they have to go to the hearing centre for a test.
The first Irishman walks into the office, and the audiologist says “Hello, come in, and shut the door behind you”
He shuts the door and takes a seat. The audiologist says “You're not deaf. I just asked you to shut the door behind you and you shut it. So you can hear perfectly fine, now get out!”
On his way out he says to the second one in the waiting room “Now whatever you do, don’t shut that door, he’s trying to trick you”
So the second one walked in and the audiologist said “Shut the door behind you”
“Shut it your f*cking self!”
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A man walks into a sex shop to buy a sex doll, The sales man asks "Normal or Muslim?" The man replies "Whats the difference?
The salesman says "The muslim one blows its self up"
"CNN anchors and guests said the profanity 195 times in one day last week, according to the Media Research Center."
Don't put comments in this thread PLEASE unless they are jokes.....you're warned.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
lsemmens (17-01-18)
william10 (18-01-18)
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Not having read through 339 pages, apologies if this has been posted before.
RACIST JOKE, SO DON'T READ IT AND WHINE!
----------------------------------------------------------
An Aussie, an Englishman, and an Irishman are drinking in a pub, when in walks Anthony Mundine.
He tells the Englishman to come outside, where he gets in his face and says... 'My name's Anthony Mundine, I'm a boxing champion, and I earn $30 million a year and I f*ck white women. What you gonna do about it?'
The Englishman replies 'Nothing'
'Send out the Aussie' says Mundine. When the Aussie comes out, Mundine gets in his face and says.... 'My name's Anthony Mundine, I'm a boxing champion, and I earn $30 million a year and I f*ck white women. What you gonna do about it?'
The Aussie replies 'Nothing mate'
'Send out the Irishman' says Mundine. The Irishman goes outside. Shortly a ruckus is heard and after a couple of minutes the Irishman comes back in the pub battered, bruised and bleeding.
'What happened?' say the Englishman and the Aussie.
'Well, the black fella told me his name was Anthony Mundine'.... 'Yeah he told us that.'
'Then he told me he was a boxing champion.'.... 'Yeah he told us that, too.'
'Then he told me he earns $30 million a year and he f*cks white women'.... 'Yeah, so what happened?'
'Well, I told him, if I earned $30 million a year I wouldn't f*ck an abo either'
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Skydiving A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going *up*! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver - by this time scared out of his wits - yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "#### no! Do you know anything about lighting gas stoves?"
An Aussie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge, burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor.The big, burly Yank says,"That's a karate chop from Korea." Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer. The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor."That's a judo chop from Japan", he says. The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves.A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out. The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that was a ####in' crowbar from Bunnings."
hazman (22-01-18)
Donald Trump ............... The first man in history to pay a hooker $150,000 to keep her mouth shut.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks