Hearing that there was a cure for dyslexia was like music to my arse.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse.
"I want a female horth" he said to a dealer who shows him a mare.
"Nithe horth, Can I thee her eythe?". The dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes.
"Nithe eyeth, Can I thee her teeth?". He lifts dwarf and shows him her teeth. "Nithe teeth, Can I thee her twot?".
The dealer sighs and lifts him up and shoves his head up the mares fanny and pulls him out a few seconds later.
"I'll reefaze that, Can I thee her wun awound?"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Never trust atoms...
They make up everything.
A teacher who just finished a whole bunch of psychology courses decided one day to try out some psychology stuff on her class.
She said "Right class, everyone who thinks they're stupid, please stand up."
Only one little boy stands up, and sure enough, it's little Johnny.
The teacher asks him "Johnny, do you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny answers "No ma'am, but I just hate seeing you stand there all by yourself!"
Last edited by irritant; 31-01-17 at 06:08 AM.
According to reports, Saudi Arabia is considering dropping public beheadings because of a shortage of government swordsmen.
Thank f*ck for that.
You wouldn't want amateurs cutting people's heads off, because that would be barbaric.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River.The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids - I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'On the other side of the river near the Parliament car park in Canberra.
'Same here. Hmm.....How do you catch them?' asked the big Croc.
'Well, I crawl up under one of their big Lexus, BMW or Mercedes cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing much left but an arsehole with a briefcase
There is a fine line between "Hobby" and "Madness"
Dear Muslim Refugees,
Just pretend to be Christians. That's what most Christians do anyway.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
You know, there's a cruel irony in them changing the Women's Weekly to a monthly magazine.
But, I suppose they did what they had to do to remain a top periodical.
I think my wife might be secretly dealing drugs. There was a suspicious phone call this morning which I answered just as I was about to go to work.
A male voice asked "Has the dope gone yet?"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she'd come crawling back.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
94 passengers were killed when a bus crashed and caught fire in Mumbai yesterday. The local police chief said it was lucky it was only a 12 seater.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
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