True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
An Aussie on a motor tour of Ireland stops for a break
at a pleasant old country Pub.
While enjoying a leisurely pint of Guinness, He chats
to the local Barman. As he is about to leave, he says,
" Nice talking to you Mick. By the way, can you tell me the quickest way to Dublin?"
"Are yo walking or Driving ?" Mick asks.
"Driving," Answers the Aussie.
"Thats definitely the fastest way," Says Mick....
I found this website where people chat and make jokes about rape, pedophilia, terrorism, killing gay people, slavery etc.
I'd love to join but its all in Arabic.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the canal.
I did it for her, but it broke my heart. I quite liked her dad.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Godzilla (13-02-17),hazman (13-02-17),irritant (13-02-17),Keith (15-02-17),Seymour Butts (14-02-17)
The wife has been giving me hints about Valentines Day, so I rang and booked a table.
I hope she likes snooker....
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Chinese guy walks into the pub, stands beside me and starts drinking.
I ask him, "Do you know kung fu or any of those Asian martial arts?"
He says, "Why da fuk you ask me dat...cos I'm Chinese?"
I said, "No, because you're drinking my beer."
2 Fellows in a Bar.
One turns to the other and says, Why so glum mate ?
The other replies,
Me life's stuffed mate , first i lost me job, then me bank closed me Mortgage,
Me Car blew up, Me 13 yr old daughter is up the duff, me best Dog died ,
And now to top it off, Me wife's cut me down to 1 Root a Week....
Aww.. Don't be too worried about that one mate , Says the first bloke,
I know 3 Fellows she's cut out altogether........................................ .
An esteemed lady who lived in a mansion was sitting in her study, when she summoned her male butler, James, to her office.
Lady: "James!"
James: "Yes ma'am. How may I be of assistance?"
Lady: "James, you know you are my butler, and any order I give you, you will follow, is that not so?"
James: "Yes, of course ma'am, 'tis true."
Lady: "Well, James, I want you to unbutton my blouse."
James: "Oh ma'am, I did say I would do anything that your ladyship commands, but that, is surely not appropriate ma'am."
Lady: "James, I am ordering you at once to unbutton my blouse! Else I have no alternative but to fire you."
He does as the lady says and unbuttons her blouse.
Lady: "Now James, please remove my blouse."
James: "Oh ma'am, how can I? 'Tis highly inappropriate."
Lady: "James! Do as I say at once!"
He takes off her blouse.
Lady: "Now James, remove my bra."
James: "Oh ma'am, how can I do such a deed?"
Lady: "Jaammmess!!!"
He does it.
Lady: "Now James, remove my skirt please."
James: "Oh ma'am, I don't know if I can do it, the request is beyond what I can do ma'am."
Lady: "For goodness sake James, just do as I say or face the consequences!"
He takes off her skirt.
Lady: "Now James, remove my panties."
James: "Oh ma'am, how can you request such a thing from me?"
Lady: "For goodness sake James, will I have to tell you one more time?"
He very reluctantly removes her panties.
Lady: "Now James, don't let me ever catch you wearing my clothes again, or you'll most certainly be fired!"
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Trumps wall will cost $21.6 billion whereas NASAs budget is only $19 billion.
Clearly Trump thinks there's more aliens in Mexico..........
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
Jeremy Hotz - Cracker Night 2009 in Sydney
Jeremy Hotz - Sydney Comedy Festival Gala 2010
Last edited by irritant; 16-02-17 at 07:04 AM.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
L'Oréal du Paris just launched a new vaginal deodourant specifically designed for women who for some reason show (or are in the business of showing) their arse-crack in public often.
It's called "Dark side of The Moon".
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
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