Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #5821
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    I asked my Kiwi mate how many sexual partners he'd had.

    He started counting but he fell asleep.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Default Toilet humour



    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    Default DST - don't forget!

    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    I've just had a terrifyingly scary ride in one of those driverless cars.

    Well...actually it was an ordinary car with the wife behind the wheel...same thing really.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I just booked the wife and I a large, yet lovely, table for two.



    Guess who'll be getting some "ball-and-stick" action later tonight.
    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    I've got a girlfriend whose a dominatrix.

    She told me last night that there's a new game she demands I play with her.

    She didn't want to elaborate much, but it sounds hell of a kinky to me. Apparently ordinary "red balls" are only worth 1 point each, but if I get "blue balls" she will score me a whole 5 points each! She said I can go all the way for "black balls" and it will gain me a huge 7 points each, but that I will probably also "break" at that point.

    I can't wait to see what she's got in mind! Honestly, I'd be happy just "doing it" on a table, that's kinky enough for me. But, anyways, I'm chalking up my cue so long in anticipation for this evening's delights.

    Last edited by irritant; 01-04-17 at 04:31 PM.
    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I shouted to the barmaid, "Two schooners of VB please."

    She said, "I'm not deaf."

    I said, "Sorry, I noticed your wedding ring and the black eye. I presumed you had a problem listening."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I stopped a guy in the street.

    "Excuse me, I'm looking for a rubbish tip."

    "Sure, Collingwood to win the flag!"
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    A muslim's biggest fear.....

    When your son's name is Allah Akbar and you lose him at the airport.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow.

    Presenter: "Wow!! This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

    Paddy: "Sticks!"
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    I bought a deck of 'American Police' playing cards.

    There's no hearts or diamonds in it. Just one spade and fifty one clubs.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Went into a pub in Pretoria recently, and asked for the best draught they had available.

    I start playing for the Blue Bulls next Saturday...
    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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