Last edited by irritant; 26-04-17 at 12:37 AM.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
Last edited by irritant; 26-04-17 at 12:37 AM.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
Last edited by irritant; 26-04-17 at 12:38 AM.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
Remember...science builds planes and skyscrapers.
But it takes religion to bring them together.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
I came out of Woolworths with a full shopping trolley. I was stressed and fed up and sick of walking around gathering the stuff on the wifes list.
As I pushed it outside a guy came up to waving a bucket with a slot in the top.
"Hey mate! Interested in feeding the hungry?"
"Yeah.. that's why I've just been f*cking shopping."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I was in a pub recently and I told that joke about what to do when an epileptic has a fit in a bath - throw the washing in.
Well, everyone pretty much cracked up, except this one guy, who said his brother was an epileptic and died in a bathtub.
Feeling pretty bad about the joke I just told, I said "Geez, I'm so sorry mate, how did he die?"
To which the guy answered "He choked to death on a sock."
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
A mate in Collingwood has just recieved the key to the city...
Or a crowbar as he calls it.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
It's been announced that Malaysian Airlines and United Airlines will merge.
That way they can beat their passengers and no one will know.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A son walks up to his dad and tells him: "Dad, did you know that in some other countries you don't know who your wife is until you get married?"
Dad: "Sigh! It's like that everywhere son."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.
The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The KEY," where a small key is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
Of course, the woman wanted "The Key."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the key, and the effects were wonderful -- the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
"For all these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the key and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems:
First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the key won't get rid of them."
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your tits."
“Oh!”, she said, "No point asking about the beard then.........''
Catholic School
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school.
After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math.
The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?"
The son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!"
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Bit of an oldie.
Bert, 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”
Margaret, 75, looked him over.
“Nope.”
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”
Furious, Bert yelled, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?”
“Nope. Not a clue,” she replied.
“IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!”
Without missing a beat, Margaret replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert! Shoulda bought a hat.”
You can learn alot using Google, and the search button.....
Have YOU had to walk 500 miles?
Were you advised to walk 500 more?
You could be entitled to compensation.
Call the Pro Claimers NOW.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Kim Jong Un . . .
OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 80-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 80-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing . . .'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated and the wife has gone off to her mum's.
Can't trust them, worse than a slot machine!
An aboriginal man (Dingo Jack) from Mt Isa goes to the hospital with a problem --- he just can't stop jogging.
'Hey white doctor' says Dingo, 'whacha dink is makin' me run all ober da place. It's too puckin hot for dat shit.'
The doctor says, 'It's got me beat but, hey, I might have a cure. 'The doctor puts two rows of white powder
on his desk and tells Dingo to snort them.
Dingo does as the doctor asks, and immediately stops jogging up and down,
and stands dead still.
'Puck me drunk, it worked. Is dat cocaine?' he asks the doctor.
'No' the doctor replies. 'It's Omo - guaranteed to stop coloureds from running.'
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