The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The wife and I were standing in the kitchen when our young son was struggling to get the lid off of a tub of yogurt.
"For f*ck's sake!" he exclaimed as he eventually wrestled it open.
The wife turned to me and said "Mmmm...wonder where he gets THAT from..."
To which I replied "Out of the f*cking fridge you stupid bitch, where the f*ck else would he have got it from?"
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
Last edited by irritant; 02-05-17 at 02:41 AM.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The nagging started right on cue...
"Stand up straight... don't slouch....look at me when I'm f*cking talking to you !!"
Depressed, I hit the pause button. Sigh! WHY was I watching my wedding video?
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
“I almost had an affair with another woman.”
The priest said “What do you mean, almost?”
The Irishman said, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but
then I stopped.
The priest said. “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re
not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s
and put $50 in the poor box.”
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked
over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching quickly ran over to him saying, “I saw that,
you didn’t put any money in the poor box!”
The Irishman replied, “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box and according
to you that’s the same as putting it in!”
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True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
I came home today to find my washing machine had broken down and started to leak.
Sigh! It's that time of the f*cking month again.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The other day, a Chinese lady who was traveling in the US, went to a local currency exchange to exchange her Yuan for US Dollars.
On the first day of her holiday, she gets about $160 for her 1000 Yuan. On a later day, she goes back there and exchanges another 1000 Yuan, but this time only gets about $140.
Furious, she asks the teller "Ta other day, I come change one-tousaa Yuan for dolla, you give me 160, now why only 140 today?"
The teller, feeling tired and bored, and not willing to engage the woman, gives a blunt one word answer: "fluctuations ma'am, fluctuations."
To which she replies "Ah, fluc you white people too!"
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
Sounds a lot like my dishwasher...Originally Posted by enf
As soon as I push the wrong buttons, she breaks the cups and plates.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
2017 dictionary terms...
Canadian: Adjective; An unarmed North American with health insurance.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.
This bound to piss a few off..............
The commanding officer at the Russian Military Academy (the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S.) gave a lecture on 'Potential Problems and Military Strategy.'
At the end of the lecture, he asked, are there questions?
An officer stood up and asked, "Will there be a third world war? And will Russia take part in it?"
The general answered both questions in the affirmative.
Another officer asked, "Who will be the enemy?"
The general replied, "All indications point to China."
Everyone in the audience was shocked. A third officer remarked, "General, we are a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5 billion Chinese. Can we win at all, or even survive?"
The general answered, "Just think about this for a moment: In modern warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters but the quality of an army's capabilities. For example, in the Middle East we have had a few wars recently where 5 million Jews fought against 150 million Arabs, and Israel was always victorious."
After a small pause, yet another officer from the back of the auditorium asked: "Do we have enough Jews?"
In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated and the wife has gone off to her mum's.
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