Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

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    Final score: New Zealand 21 - 24 British and Irish Lions



    I guess Steve Hansen's time spent as the coach of Wales all those years ago has finally paid off.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AdrianR View Post
    At a medical conference recently, delegates were deliberating on what name to give to a major breakthrough in sex-change procedures. A fast, new procedure which can instantly change a woman into a man was unveiled.

    They sat for hours trying to think out a name. "We have hysterectomies, vaginoplasties, penectomies, masectomies, and so on and so forth. What on earth do we call this new operation?"

    Until one young doctor jumped up and said excitedly: "How about we call it the strapacocktome?"
    Try Addadicktome
    Cheers
    Ted (Al)

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    Quote Originally Posted by AdrianR View Post
    At a medical conference recently, delegates were deliberating on what name to give to a major breakthrough in sex-change procedures. A fast, new procedure which can instantly change a woman into a man was unveiled.

    They sat for hours trying to think out a name. "We have hysterectomies, vaginoplasties, penectomies, masectomies, and so on and so forth. What on earth do we call this new operation?"

    Until one young doctor jumped up and said excitedly: "How about we call it the strapacocktome?"
    I thought tht it was called an Addadictomy.
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    Darth Vader...

    The only black man to ever say "I AM your father.."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A blonde goes to collect her expensive jacket from the dry cleaners.

    The owner, an Indian lady, says "Thank you. Come again!"

    To which the blonde replies "No, luckily this time it was only yogurt."

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    Mathematical Constants No.1

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A woman buys a pair of crutchless knickers in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life...

    She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the lounge suite opposite her husband.

    At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs and slowly recrosses them …

    Finally husband asks:
    ”Are you wearing crutchless knickers?”

    “Y-e-s,” she answers with a seductive smile.

    “Thank Christ for that …. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the lounge suite.

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    A black guy rode past me on a bicycle today.

    I shouted, "Which white person did that belong to then?"

    He stopped and looked at me in disgust and said, "You arsehole. I bet you couldn't say something more racist if you tried.."

    I said, "Yeah?.. Which white person do YOU belong to then?"
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Is it this bad in Oz too?



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    Quote Originally Posted by cmangle View Post
    Is it this bad in Oz too?


    I thought that was from Collingwood?
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A man goes to the Optician complaining of blurred vision. Looking into his eyes with a scope, the optician began to tut-tut and groan.

    "What is it? Whats wrong with my eyes?" asked the anxious patient.

    "Well if you must know, you have the worst case of Christian Brothers Syndrome I've ever seen."

    "What the hell is Christian Brothers Syndrome?" asked the patient.

    "Your pupils are fvcked!"
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The wife wanted me to buy her one of those bottles of Coke with names, but I couldn't see one with her name on it.

    So I bought her a Kit Kat Chunky instead.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I went round my nans yesterday. She hates swearing, and when I said the word 'Crap' she asked me to put $2 in the swear jar.

    "I've only got five bucks!" I said, but she claimed she didn't have any change.

    So I threw the $5 in anyway and said "You're p*ssing me off you f*cking bitch, take the f*cking lot!"

    Is that value or what?
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The wife has become very insecure in her middle age.

    “I’m so jealous of you,” she said. “You’re still good looking and full of confidence.”

    “Don’t be silly,” I replied. “It should be me who is jealous of you.”

    “Really?” she asked, as her face lit up.

    “Of course,” I said. “You get to be married to me. I’m stuck with a fat arsed, miserable bitch.”
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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