The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
They say smoking causes cancer...
They say bacon causes cancer...
But I say smoking bacon cures it...
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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There is a fine line between "Hobby" and "Madness"
If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!
Me to new girlfriend, "I want to be a millionaire like my Dad."
She said, 'Wow, your dad’s a millionaire ?'
"No - he wants to be."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says,
“My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”
The monk graciously accepts him, feeds him dinner, and even fixes his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say,
“We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monk accepts him, feeds him, and even fixes his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply,
“We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
The monk reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task.
Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.
He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”
The monk reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The monk leads the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says,
“The sound is right behind that door.”
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says,
“Real funny. May I have the key?”
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.
So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say,
“This is the last key to the last door.”
The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.
In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated and the wife has gone off to her mum's.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
"Breaking News"
The inventor of the Anagram has died...may he "erect a penis"....
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
fred49au (12-09-17),hazman (12-09-17),Keith (13-09-17),mkhannah (11-09-17),Seymour Butts (11-09-17)
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There is a fine line between "Hobby" and "Madness"
The Robot….
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
Robot for sale
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Last edited by ol' boy; 13-09-17 at 03:52 PM.
If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!
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Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk
It is generally agreed, Irma was bigger that Jose!
A lone sniper was about to assassinate Donald Trump.
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout
"Donald, duck!"
Just walked down a street where the house numbers were 64K, 128K, 256K & 512K.
WOW! That sure was a trip down memory lane.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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