Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, 'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse.’
‘Oh,’ Little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.'
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
"How did you lose your hands?", asked a bloke in the pub.
"I stole a fish in the Middle East", I replied, "it was so big that I couldn't run fast enough and they caught me."
"Wow! How big was it?" he said.
I held my arms out wide and said, "A bit bigger than that."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
AN OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR SHUFFLED INTO TOWN LEADING A TIRED OLD MULE.
THE OLD WOMAN HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE ONLY SALOON TO CLEAR HER PARCHED
THROAT.
SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCH RAIL. AS SHE STOOD
THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG
GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A
BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.
The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying, "Hey
Old WOMAN, have you ever danced?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID
DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, YOU
OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD
WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR - NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF
STARTED HOPPING AROUND..... EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING.
WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL
LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE
SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED
SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.
THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR. THE CROWD
STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY
SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.
THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE
LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS
SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER LICKED A MULE'S ASS?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO MAM... BUT... I'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO."
------------------------------ --------------------
THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL HERE:
1 - NEVER BE ARROGANT.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...
I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
Some people don't sleep because they have insomnia.
I can't sleep because i have internet.
Woman: "Doctor, my period won't end."
Doctor: "Yes, you've caught feminism."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Wife: "I read yesterday that losing weight can significantly improve a mans sexual health and desire..."
Me, from behind the paper: "So which gym did you join?"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Tea is an Evil Substance!
Tea is more dangerous than beer.
Please avoid drinking tea.
I discovered this last night.
I had 14 beers till 3am at the pub while my wife was just drinking tea at home.
You should have seen how violent and angry she was when i got home.
I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me, all night and into the next morning.
Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, don't drink it...
A blonde who want to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started advertising a rich neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much is your fee?”
The blonde said, “How about 40 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and staircases that she might need were in the garage.
The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the dialogue and said to her husband, “Does she understand that the porch goes all the way around the house?
“The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to take her money. “You finished fast!” he said.
“Yes,” the blonde replied, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
“And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Remember - It's better to have loved and lost, than ended up married.....
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
You do realise, that you get less time for murder!Originally Posted by enf
Remember - It's better to have loved and lost, than ended up married.....
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
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