Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

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    "It's a bit muggy out there." said the husband as he came in the front door.

    "Really? What makes you think that?" said the wife from the kitchen.

    "The group of blacks with knives on the corner."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    1657
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    1245
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    This is the new Doctor Who trying to park the TARDIS in the year 1826.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Went into the bar the other night and there were a group of fat women sitting talking around a table.

    So, I said to them as I walked past: "Mmmm...this looks like a real heavy discussion going on here."

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Last night I was sitting browsing the web on the PC, when the wife walked in and asked me what I was doing.

    "Oh, I'm just looking around for some cheap flights." I replied.

    She got all excited, smiled widely and then came over to my desk, got on her knees, undid my zip, and gave me a tremendous blowie!

    Don't ask me why though. I can't work out why she's so interested in darts all of a sudden.

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    As I arrived at the prison showers I realised I'd forgotten my soap.

    However, I was amazed at the number of bars of soap left abandoned on the shower room floor for no apparent reason.

    "Well, I'll be buggered" I thought.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Sonic screw driver,15 minutes later!


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    Walked into the local "Timber City" the other day, and some bloke came up to me and asked me if I wanted decking...

    Luckily I punched the bastard first before he could make his move.

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    My mates are really annoyed with me right now just because I lost us the pub quiz.

    Apparently the drone ISN'T the national bird of Syria.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    When you hear a man use the term "Woman Driver" . . . this is what they are referring to . . .




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    After performing an ultrasound scan, the doctor tells the expectant mother: "I have some good news, and I have some bad news."

    "The good news is that your child will never have a problem finding a parking space."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

    They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

    The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

    After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch.

    I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

    The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

    After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, “I want you to send her one word: comfortable.”

    The operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word ‘comfortable’?”

    The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it very slowly … com-for-da-bull.”

    Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk

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