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Thread: The Joke thread

  1. #6281
    LSemmens
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    Three nuns were attending a rugby final...
    Three men were sitting directly behind...
    Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns hoping that they'd get annoyed enough to move to another area...
    In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "i think i'm going to move to sydney ... There are only 100 nuns living there...

    Then the second guy spoke up and said, i want to go to tasmania .... There are only 50 nuns living there...

    The third guy said, "i want to go to new zealand .... There are only 25 nuns living there..."

    one of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet and calm voice said,


    "why dont you go to hell ... There aren't any nuns there!"
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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  • #6282
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    Have you heard about the sex position called the "australia post"?

    You stay in all day, but nobody comes.

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  • #6283
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    Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.

    Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door,she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said:

    Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat.

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  • #6288
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    Quote Originally Posted by cmangle View Post
    I don't know the name of it, but it must be the best damn book ever written!
    50 Shades Of Gay.
    "A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it." - Albert Einstein

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  • #6289
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    The new neighbours sure are a nosey bunch.

    Or 'Jewish' as they call it.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I went out and splurged and bought a new Rolls Royce, only to find out that the budget didn't cover a driver.

    So i spent all that money and I've got nothing to chauffeur it.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Wink



    "I've dumped my fuel and I'm going down fast..."

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

    She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You B*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks'.

    The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
    When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'

    Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
    'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
    We thank you for traveling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'

    She hears the little boy continue,

    'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
    We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'

    As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

    'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen.

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