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Thread: The Joke thread

  1. #5921
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #5922
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    A man is about to have sex with a really fat woman.

    He climbs on top of her.

    "Can I turn the light off?" he asks.

    "Why?" she replies, "Are you feeling a bit shy?"

    "No,.....it's burning my arse!"
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Live your dreams, or you'll just end up living someone else's.

    "Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see." - Benjamin Franklin

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    My girlfriend stepped out of the shower this morning with a seductive smile on her face. She pressed her naked firm body against me and purred into my ear "I just shaved my pussy, you know what that means big boy..."

    To which I answered "Yeah, the f*cking drain is probably clogged again."
    Live your dreams, or you'll just end up living someone else's.

    "Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see." - Benjamin Franklin

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  • #5925
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    I came home to find my wife looking after the black couple next door's two month old baby.

    "That's f*cking disgusting." I muttered.

    "Barry!!" Scolded the wife. "How dare you use that sort of tone. He's not disgusting, he's beautiful you racist."

    "Wha...!? There's not a racist bone in my body, love, but that IS disgusting." I said "He's only about eight weeks old, and those parents of his have already put stupid little Ozzy Osborne sunglasses on him."

    "They're his f*cking nostrils, Barry."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I operate on the FAST principle.....

    F - FACE: Has it fallen on one side?
    A - ARMS: Can they raise them?
    S - SPEECH: Is it slurred?
    T - TIME... to get her knickers down. The rohypnol has kicked in.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #5930
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    Apparently there's a third option between burial and cremation.


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  • #5931
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    Actually I threatened that option to my Son In Law on his wedding day, His wife's brothers were not much more subtle either. FWIW he is a good SIL.
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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