What would you guys think in such a situation?

[irritant]

Hey guys.

I have a bit of a weird or maybe uncommon story (I don't know quite what to make of it) that I've never shared with anyone here at home.

How would you guys respond (or what would you guys make of it) if several of your female friends separately ask to see you in private about something over a number of years, and they ask you if you would consider fathering a child of theirs/donating sperm to them?

It started the first time with a female friend of mine who is a lesbian, she said she and her girlfriend were looking to have a baby, and the next thing I knew she asked me the question, which completely caught me off guard.

Honestly, I did not know what to answer. I said "Umm...I don't know" or something to that effect, to which she replied that she'll let me think about it but that she would really like it if I were the child's father. In the meantime she and her girlfriend broke up, so it never came to pass as such, so yeah...

With time, I didn't think much more of it as I know it is not uncommon for a same-sex couple to want children nowadays.

Then, fast-forward about a year, and another female friend asked me the same thing (she is not a lesbian, but we have no romantic connection), then another.

I stress that these women were either just friends of mine, or colleagues, and we had no romantic connection, some were even in a relationship with someone else.

In each case, I really didn't know how to answer. I don't even know what to think.

I mean, I understand what they are asking, but growing up and so on, I always thought that a woman who wants to have your children wants to be your wife too.

Yeah, I'm a bit confused. I don't know whether I should feel flattered that they wish to pick me, or whether I should feel the opposite, that these women would rather have my children on their own than have to live with me as a husband. I guess I deserve it if the latter is true, I'm not exactly a wonderful man, or husband material.

To tell you guys the truth, thinking about it over time, I don't feel particularly flattered. I feel as though I am just seen as a "useful thing", or an otherwise useless or undesired thing (99%) that has a single potentially useful function (1%), which can be used once to fulfill something they desire but the rest of the "thing" be discarded afterwards as pointless decoration.

Am I overthinking it?

Did you guys ever experience something like this, or how would you have handled it if you were in a similar situation?

[Al Bundy]

You would leave yourself open to a hell of a lot of child support if you had....

[VroomVroom]

for me ,and ive done it , it would totally depend on who would be recieving the sperm. There is no way on earth i'd give any to sick twisted lesbians ( or faggots ) so that they can screw up the life of the child with thier sick twisted mentality on parenting.
In my case i did donate via a private clinic to my long time friend , who was not completely infertile but had not been successful. He had spent a lot of money on unsuccessful IVF treatments before even asking me. We were both of bavarian / german descent , i was a bit taller and hair colour was similar so i thought the bub would not look out of place in a happy family. From the outset i did say that i would in no way be responsible financially down the track , but since they have way more money than i have its never been an issue. The bub is now 7 and isnt like me at all , took more of his mums side so is quite intelligent

[lsemmens]

I'd probably say, I'd need to ask my wife. But Al is correct, Child Support issues might need be addressed so legal advice would need be had. And, if so disposed, spiritual, too.

[trash]

Yes you are over thinking it.

What you have here is a Virtual Harem.
All the real disadvantages of a Harem without any of the real benefits.

Harems are by their nature supposed to benefit one person in particular while the majority of the members get screwed in return for a form of 'protection'.

In this case there is no benefits, no protection and the only one getting screwed is you.

[Uncle Fester]

I think Dr Mohs was not asking about the consequences but how he might feel about this on a personal level.


And yes you would only be there for their convenience not because they like you, while leaving a backdoor open if things go sour with their
current relationship and can claim child support from you.
You don't happen to be somewhat wealthy do you? Don't tell us, just something to think about.


This is anything but flattering and any of this talk how they might like their child to look like you or something like that, is just trying to bait you.

How about asking them how much they would pay for the service?

I think there is some dude being rather popular doing just that.

[irritant]

for me ,and ive done it , it would totally depend on who would be recieving the sperm. There is no way on earth i'd give any to sick twisted lesbians ( or faggots ) so that they can screw up the life of the child with thier sick twisted mentality on parenting.
In my case i did donate via a private clinic to my long time friend , who was not completely infertile but had not been successful. He had spent a lot of money on unsuccessful IVF treatments before even asking me. We were both of bavarian / german descent , i was a bit taller and hair colour was similar so i thought the bub would not look out of place in a happy family. From the outset i did say that i would in no way be responsible financially down the track , but since they have way more money than i have its never been an issue. The bub is now 7 and isnt like me at all , took more of his mums side so is quite intelligent

Yes, for me, I felt similarly. I am also not really a fan of the same-sex parent thing. I was struggling to think of how I was going to tell her. I kind of just shut up and hoped that she would forget and that's kind of what happened when they broke up.

I admire you for helping your friend out like that BTW. Truly is such an amazing gesture/gift to someone.

[irritant]

Yeah, you guys are right, the scenario of child support was not fully laid out or discussed in these cases, so there was that too.

I don't even know why this is sticking with me or playing in my mind. Why is this so important?

I mean, if anyone knows, you guys know the type of person/man I am, my personality, etc. Indifferent and uncaring are probably my most defining characteristics. I'm not much different in real life.

I don't even know why these women were friends with me anyway, I always thought they hated my guts -- not that I care anyway.

So, I guess as a youngish-man maybe asking advice from some more experienced (life-wise) fellas, I guess I'm just wondering why does this stick in the back of my mind so much? Being the person I am, why is this even bothering me even in the slightest? It's not like I really even feel any kind of love or affection anymore, but, again, not that I care in the slightest.

So, what is it? Is it like a deep-down male-instinct thing, or a human-instinct thing, seeing as it revolves around (I guess a pretty important core human thing) procreation?

Is it a primitive part of my brain still being active, just suppressed 95% of the time?

Having morphed into the inhumane prick I have essentially become, is this then still a remnant of my humanity trying to break through?

Is this why my feelings (or whatever it is I have) are kind of bruised when I perceive myself just being good enough to be used, or is it like an internal male-thing to want to raise my own offspring?

I guess this has become highly psychological or philosophical at this point, but what do you guys think?

[george65]

Bit sad and perhaps typical that the first thing some think bout is financial obligation. Pretty sure that could easily be dispensed with in a contract before the fact and there would no doubt be other standard issues as well.

For me, and I'm a head case, I don't think I could do it. Not for people I knew at least and a child I'd know. I couldn't separate Circumstance from the fact it was my child and I'd probably be the one interfering rather than them wanting something out of me.
I am also not a supporter of same sex marrige and the whole Mummy and Mummy or the opposite to me is just society fking itself up some more. For century's it was mummy and Daddy and now they want to be all trendy and have kids which they no doubt make a song and dance about and bring up a leftie weirdo kid like them.

That aside, Even if it were a normal couple I'm too weak to go down that road. The child is yours no matter who they live with, who they are brought up by or anything else.
Not saying this would be a bad thing or people shouldn't do it, just saying -I- could do it without getting weird about it down the track or there being a possibility I would.

To me just would open up a whole can of worms i'm not emotionally equipped to deal with. Other stronger people might be doing an incredible think for someone else. If there is one thing that has amazed me in life it's how much some people want kids. For a normal couple it would be gut wrenching not to be able to have them and one hell of a gift to have them.

I certainly wouldn't take being asked to donate as an insult in any way. I think anyone that wants a child would want it to be the best it could be and given the ability to choose the father I'm sure it is not something they take as any old load of sperm will do. I would think they would consider the traits and behavior of the father very carefully. I don't know but I would think there would be a bank where they could get the raw materials from an anonymous Donor. If that is the case and they ask someone they know, then I would think that was because they saw qualities in that person they would like in their child.

Can't think of much more of an honor and tribute to that persons character and the esteem they are held in than that.

[irritant]

Thanks George, when you put it like that, it does mean something if someone wants your characteristics over what they could easily get from a random donor through a sperm bank. I didn't think of it that way.

Goes to show how differently people can perceive others too. Never would have thought in a million years a woman would think of me that way, I thought they all pretty much hated me and that I would be considered "least qualifying", with good reason.

I suppose that's what confused me in the first place.

[hinekadon]

they would have a hard time with me at this age I think my sperm has waterwings and crutches still there but a bit lazy

[VroomVroom]

I dont know about the child support laws in your country Dr Mohs but thats only one consideration ? what if the relationship does go bad as so many do after children come on the scene ? what if they want money out of you down the track ? Lesbos can be quite flaky and fickle thinkers at the best of times .What if one day you actually want to be in this child's life? on all these issues does the law support you or does it support them more ?

If they cant find suitable candidates in SA there are plenty of other clinics overseas which will help out for a fee.

One of my thoughts was - what if i passed on some rare genetic illness that i was not aware of ? how would i feel then? .

[irritant]

Yeah, circumstances can change drastically in the long-term and what was agreed upon in the beginning can change dramatically in a few years. What you say makes a lot of sense VroomVroom.

I think I know what I would pass on, probably some mild Asperger's and uric acid issues -- those are the two things I have inherited. But yes, anything else is possible too. Will they even be prepared in such a case? Looking back, I actually don't think they were or even thought about that.

Many people today somewhat underestimate what it is or what it means to have (a) child(ren).

-----

In terms of just the overall situation to tell you guys a bit more, personally I have decided a while back already that I don't want to have children of my own. Various reasons that I will not get into here, but one of them being that I am not too fond of kids in general. Yes, I know, what kind of person doesn't like cute little children, watch a part of you grow, etc. It's just something that has been with me for as long as I can remember. Didn't even like other kids when I was a kid myself. In the same way I don't like to keep pets. Relationships also just don't work for me. Can never see myself being married to someone.

But anyway, I have told the other women (not the lesbians as they kind of solved it for me) that this was my choice in life, and I must say they did seem very disappointed with my decision, which I can't really figure out why.

All this gets me thinking, which is generally not a good thing.

You know, the obvious question, why me? Were they planning something with me that I have successfully (albeit unwittingly) thwarted? I still cannot see what they saw, whatever it was that prompted them to ask. As I said, always thought they hated my guts.

-----

On a side note, I just enjoy my life so much the way it has turned out and how it is today. I have made many mistakes, chasing after dreams, listening to the wrong people, etc. I'm happy today simply because of how uncomplicated my life has turned out (compared with a few years ago) and that I have been able to get rid of unnecessary baggage and things hanging over my head. What more can I want? I'm a single man and free (hard earned freedom), in a career I absolutely enjoy. I'm very lucky.

Maybe I'm just a selfish, self-obsessed narcissist who wants me all to myself, but every day I wake up it feels like I fought just too damn hard for this freedom just to give it up again, which in my mind is what marriage/children/family is.

For years, I tried to be the perfect man that the women want, and nothing I ever did was good enough. Every relationship ended up in some kind of awkward fight or silence because of something I inevitably cocked up again. I could never say the right things, do the right things, think the right things, feel the right things, buy the right things, dedicate the right amount of time, the list goes on...

Just got really tired of all the shit and drama. Failing all the time at being the right boyfriend or man or whatever. I got tired of trying to "be a man" or "manning-up" all the time. Got tired of the female-dominated virtue signalling on TV or wherever and feeling guilty thinking "did/do I do that...?"

I owe a lot of my happiness today to my therapist that I had seen for so many years, who taught me exactly how to take care of myself, and how to define my life exactly how I wanted it. My eyes were opened to just how much I was trying to live up to goals and aspirations other people had skillfully planted like a seed in the deepest part of my psyche, fully convincing me that it was in fact me that wanted those things for myself, all by myself.

Sorry for going off on a tangent here a bit, but this is kind of where it all comes in -- if I was thus so imperfect then in the eyes of the women, why then come to me with these proposals? What do they want from me? I make all the effort to stay out of their way just like they wanted, then they come after me. I just can't help but be suspicious, after everything I've been through with them.

I made peace with myself a long time ago, everything my life is now, and what it was, and I'm happy. I came out wiser on the other end. Wise to all the games, the tricks and the BS. I don't believe in love and I don't believe in relationships, and that will never change.

The way I thus see it, they have tried to stroke my ego for whatever reason, probably with the eventual eye on child support. But, the original man that used to live inside this body is long-dead, the sucker that used to put up with all the BS, the one that craved love, acceptance and attention, especially from women.

I may have mentioned it before, I am the child of a narcissist. Considering everything you guys have told me, I think the feelings that I had surrounding all of this was just that remnant of the old me, the one that always wanted to bend over to please everyone, the fool who would do anything for anybody. I think it is highly likely that they saw this old me and thought, "here is a sucker". I am so glad things have changed in my life. That's probably why they were disappointed, they weren't going to take me for a ride this time.

[ol' boy]

Women wanting something for nothing and asking you to provide it..... That seems out of character

It's not uncommon and at least in your case's, you've been asked prior.
Generally when a Lesbian or Childless women is reaching the later years to safely conceive, ie: the clock is ticking, they just go out and get it done without your prior consent
Or worse, they actually strike up a relationship with you based of mistruths (generally to check out your baby photos, teen photos etc), fall pregnant then leave...



As others have said, what's in it for you?
I'd have asked these women, "Have you stopped for one second to consider my moral, legal and emotional stake in this?

Sounds like it's just Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie without much consideration for your life!

Another point to consider, is when a women wants a child this bad, they generally are not in a very rational state.
(i think your first post displays that)
I have seen this many times and years later even the women comment that they themselves were not in a rational state of mind

I dunno, could you have this over your head for the rest of your life?
4am when you wake up, the room is quite and the thoughts of a life you helped create enter your head from no where?
Questions? Will it want to meet me? What will it expect of me? Will it be disappointed?

And probably a lot of personal questions only you will know

As you've said, you'd don't how to answer, when this is asked of you..... How about you ask them some questions relating to your wellbeing in all of this and sit back waiting for their response
If they stumble with a response, tell them to go away.

[Mr 672A]

Hey guys.



How would you guys respond (or what would you guys make of it) if several of your female friends separately ask to see you in private about something over a number of years, and they ask you if you would consider fathering a child of theirs/donating sperm to them?

It started the first time with a female friend of mine who is a lesbian, she said she and her girlfriend were looking to have a baby, and the next thing I knew she asked me the question, which completely caught me off guard.

Woman today have us men over the barrel and by doing this you will give them anther way in screwing (not sex wise) you in the future. No doubt the Law will change on day to suit the woman and she will able to sue you for maintenance and she will no doubt get a female lawyers (Remember that ADD on TV , "Us Women Stick together") to sink you. If she wants a baby tell he to get in line and wait where she can adopt one because there is plenty of un wanted kid today available. The though of give Sperm to a Lesbian a MAT MUNCHER horrifies me, she has chosen to be a lesbian and by this she know she cannot have kids normally.

Be careful because The Pretty one the one with a bag full of tricks she will use her FULL BAG OF TRICKS to fill her with your sperm on the Correct day of the Month so she know she has the highest percentage of getting pregnant and will get money of you. Bent woman today are devious in lots of ways 100 time worst than any man.
KEEP AWAY FROM THEM!!!

[ol' boy]

Ive just thought of an upside here
You say you don't want kids.... Well, go get the snip.

Then shag them and all their friends for a few years

It's what Rodney Rude would do

[lsemmens]

Oh OB, you are norty!

[hoe]

in this country any legal agreement won't mean jack if they go to child support later on.

you will be liable if it's your kid.

it doesnt even have to be yours, if they say its yours you have to prove its not.....

they will take money immediately and rarely pay it back if you are in the right, the whole system is biased against the father...

the father doesnt even have the right to a dna test on the child if the mother refuses...

[Al Bundy]

Bit sad and perhaps typical that the first thing some think bout is financial obligation. Pretty sure that could easily be dispensed with in a contract before the fact and there would no doubt be other standard issues as well.....

Really???? How? Go right ahead and explain, I'm sure the DHS would like to know.

[irritant]

...(Remember that ADD on TV , "Us Women Stick together")...

Not being from Oz I don't know that one but sounds a lot like one we have here called "First for Women" insurance, with guys doing all sorts of stupid things and them saying "this is why we insure women". F*ck I hate that ad.

This comes back nicely to what I was saying. I may be many things, but I don't forget easily.

It's the little things. Just those little everyday things that are said or done. Growing up under the specific kind of person as I mentioned, you learn to read these subtleties, the little things that someone says or does, every day and for years. When it all started coming together and I saw what I saw, I did what you have advised here -- keep away!

-----

I'll be honest. Many people think I'm a fag because I have chosen to walk the path of life alone, not be a husband, not be a dad. Not true at all, but people like to speculate. Kind of bothers you when you're a young dude, but I have developed the very useful and truly indispensable skill of genuinely not giving a shit. It's my most prized skill I must say.

I'll be totally honest -- today I feel nothing inside. I see too many men ruin their own lives by making an emotional decision when they should be making a logical/rational one -- marriage and/or fatherhood is after all a type of contract which one should walk into eyes wide open. And, when there's money involved, people become people, no matter how sexy or beautiful they are or how much you "love" them.

I used to like girls. A lot. Didn't we all when we were younger? Looking back, I did some pretty stupid things as a result. Obviously wasn't my brain doing the thinking.

And, after everything we've discussed here, I can be lucky I was never "caught" with one of those stealth fertilization and pregnancy maneuvers.