Our poor language getting vulgariZed

[alpha0ne]

The one offensive pronunciation that blows my stack every 'kin time is when they call a Puma a Poooooma..................it does my 'kin head in

[Tiny]

I have downloaded and set Australian dictionaries and language into my system and browsers and have spent a lot of time trying to get the spell check to recognise them but the Fking things insist on spelling everything with a Z or other screw up of the English language into American. Shits me to tears.

Hey George the default English spell checkers for most browsers are English American (as that's who wrote the browser software), you can however download the English British versions & select the one you would prefer as your spell check or have both with one being the preferred first spelling.





It's that easy & you can add in your custom word spellings as you go.


.........................................

All this English versus American spelling reminds me of a letter to America purportedly written by John Cleese.


Dear Citizens of America,


In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.


Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.


To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:


1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium,” and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.


2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”


3. You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you find you simply can’t cope with correct pronunciation.


4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up “vocabulary”). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.


5. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”


6. You will relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”,
but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).


7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will
be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called “Come-Uppance Day.”


8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.


9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.


10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.


11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables… Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.


12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling “gasoline”) – roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.


13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.


14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.


15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” American brands will be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.


16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one’s ear removed with a cheese grater.


17. You will cease playing American “football.” There is only one kind of proper football; you call it “soccer”. Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of Jessies – English slang for “Big Girls Blouse”).


18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the “World Series” for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.


19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.


20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.


Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese

source >>

[irritant]

...new-cue-la...

When I try to say this, I sound like an Italian (I-ta-yian) New Yorker.

[fromaron]

And my god, they are driving on a wrong side of a road!!!!

[Bigfella237]

[irritant]

One of the funniest shows I loved watching was Little Britain USA. They poked fun at a lot of stuff in it.

[george65]

And my god, they are driving on a wrong side of a road!!!!

Went to NZ in November and met up with a mate from the US.

He DID literally drive us on the wrong side of the road till I asked him where he was going as we were face to face with 3 lanes of oncoming. Scared the ship out of me!
Got up the road a bit and he cut across an intersection and had us back on the wrong side. Luckily no cars this time .

We both decided it was better if I drove after that!

[Tiny]

Hey Dr_Mohs, I just discovered that Firefox has an English (South Africa) option for spell checking?? Hmmm.
I wonder how much that differs from English (United Kingdom)?



Oh no, Opera has it as well as English (Australian), English (New Zealand) & English (India)????? Rofl.

[lsemmens]

I use English(Australian) spelling all the time.

[irritant]

Hey Dr_Mohs, I just discovered that Firefox has an English (South Africa) option for spell checking?? Hmmm.
I wonder how much that differs from English (United Kingdom)?...

I don't think it does much. I have never checked, but I think it may contain some words we like to use here like "veld" (pronounced felt) which is a particular type of landscape very common here -- almost like a grassland savanna, but not quite, sometimes with thorn trees or bushes, sometimes without. Would be the type of thing we would hunt stuff like antelope in, and would be the kind of grassland where you find lions, etc. Some people just use it now to describe anything that is out in the more wild or remote areas. Something similar to someone saying "the outback" I suppose, when they actually just mean out there, remote. This specific type of place has come to define a general type of area. Speaking of antelope, there may also be words like "buck" for example.

I reckon it's just a few words adopted from Dutch/Afrikaans that describe something unique kind of only found here. "Biltong" (a much nicer thing than beef jerky ) and "braai" (sort of like a really rudimentary BBQ) would be another one. Thorn tree wood ("doringhout") also gives some of the best embers (we call them "coals") for a braai.