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Thread: Armchair Mechanics on Facebook

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    Default Armchair Mechanics on Facebook

    I would appear everyones a expert online. (X is the unknown factor and a spurt is a drip under pressure)

    1st
    Was VZ holden the remote battery flat.
    How do i get in to my Car? even Holden told her around $250 to $500 for a new key and there is no way to start the car.
    The remote that the VZ has is a sealed unit for water proffing so you can't change the battery after several people told her to just start the car even witha flat remote battery and around 40 saying you can buy a battery from just about anyware and change your self she tried to start the car anyway and oh shite it started she should have RTFM.

    2nd

    Flat battery in ford mondao around 30 odd it's the alternantor replys even though the battery shop tested it twice and say it's charging corectly
    There is also "a cable has come loose" and "ford's have a limp mode that's the problem", now it could be the "wrong key".
    I think there getting on the right track now of a boot/glovebox light?

    It's good watch for a chuckle.

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    Have you ever looked at pet Forums?
    Someone will say my dog/ cat whatever has this ailment and I am 200 Miles from town and all the roads are 30 Ft under snow or water, and every single reply will be " You need to take it to a vet".
    NEVER will anyone ever provide ANY useful information, every single reply is take it to a vet when clearly the reason the person is asking is because they can't effing get it to one!


    Real life internet mechanics are just as bad.
    My father runs a wrecking yard.
    People will come in and ask if we have a turbo? You say what car you have? I have xxx but it doesen't have a turbo but I want to put one on it, they just bolt up right?
    Oh yeah sure! Just throw the things in there.... after you change the inlet manifold, the exhaust, the air cleaner, the computer, the radiator, the fuel pump, the clutch, the gearbox, driveshafts, master Cylinder, injectors ..... Just sell the one you have and buy a turbo. Oh no , I don't want to do that " IT'S A GOOD CAR" even though the thing is clearly a 20yo unmaintained Shit heap. That seems the inverse proportion standard of quality. The older anything is, the more things wrong with it and the more work it needs, The more they will insist " It's a good car".
    No, they weren't any good even before they left the showroom and I can guarantee they haven't improved with age.

    Also had more than one want to fit 6 and 7 speed gearboxes to earlier cars. Can't tell them the engines and bolt patterns are entirely Different, Someone on the internet said the magical words, " They bolt right up" so what the fk would we know? Only pull 100 of the things apart a year, someone on the internet would know MUCH better than us!

    Engines are another prize winner.
    They come in , ask for a price, you tell them and that it's had the head gaskets, timing belt and Pulleys done and comes with warranty and they tell you they can get one $400 cheaper on fleabay from some bloke 300KM away in Sydney.

    Some time later they come back asking why it won't start or what these knocking sounds are or what makes them blow smoke or why it won't idle properly.
    Well, it might just be because the thing is FKED!
    Did you hear it running before you bought it? No? Oh, what a surprise.
    And why was the guy selling it if it was running fine....? Oh, well the guy said it was a good engine. Then best you go back and talk to him about it. I tried but he won't answer my calls.

    That $400 extra is looking pretty good value about now isn't it?

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    Much the same with electrionc repairs.
    It's just a fuse well if it's just a fuse change the frigen thing your self. Or is the on/off switch,a loose wire and the list goes on.
    Even when I was modding Xbox's I got asked to Softmod it as it was easy me I say no I only hard mod them I don't whant you comming back when you have deleted the wrong file because then it's harder to fix. Most of them came back with a dead xbox that needed a modchip.

    And the classic do I get it cheaper because I have allready pulled apart HELL NO the price has gone UP.

    SS Dave
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    Quote Originally Posted by SS Dave View Post

    And the classic do I get it cheaper because I have already pulled apart HELL NO the price has gone UP.
    Can't say it's one I have heard before but Boggles the imagination they would even ask! Then again, with what I have been asked, similar level of arrogance and stupidity.
    And I can Imagine what you'd get, Things broken, screws, washers and other things missing and putting the fker back together would take 4 times as long as if you did it start to finish yourself.

    Guy I know does tree lopping.
    Gets asked all the time if they get the job cheaper if they let him take the timber and sell it for firewood.
    He says no, but I'll do it cheaper if you KEEP the wood and I don't have to chip it and or take it away. Tells them they can sell it for firewood themselves and put the money towards my cost and it will be cheaper still.

    He tells me in 17 years not one single person has taken him up on that!

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    Quote Originally Posted by SS Dave View Post
    And the classic do I get it cheaper because I have allready pulled apart HELL NO the price has gone UP.
    About thirty years ago, I remember people bringing car radio/cassette players in to be repaired... we’d often get an ice cream container full of parts. “I took it apart to have a look and thought I’d save you having to take it apart again”. Sometimes this was with quite high end gear that was worth saving.

    I got quite good at solving these three dimensional jigsaw puzzles. It goes without saying that:
    • There were always bits missing
    • The fault would have been a trivial quick fix if old mate hadn’t messed with it
    • D^ck Head Tax (DHT) was generously applied to the bill

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    Quote Originally Posted by SS Dave View Post
    Much the same with electrionc repairs.
    I like the "I have for sale a ............ Doesnt work, simple to fix, I just dont have time."

    I translate that to. "its fcuked, It sparked and smoked. I have no idea whats wrong."
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    Quote Originally Posted by SS Dave View Post
    I would appear everyones a expert online. (X is the unknown factor and a spurt is a drip under pressure)

    1st
    Was VZ holden the remote battery flat.
    How do i get in to my Car? even Holden told her around $250 to $500 for a new key and there is no way to start the car.
    The remote that the VZ has is a sealed unit for water proffing so you can't change the battery after several people told her to just start the car even witha flat remote battery and around 40 saying you can buy a battery from just about anyware and change your self she tried to start the car anyway and oh shite it started she should have RTFM.

    2nd

    Flat battery in ford mondao around 30 odd it's the alternantor replys even though the battery shop tested it twice and say it's charging corectly
    There is also "a cable has come loose" and "ford's have a limp mode that's the problem", now it could be the "wrong key".
    I think there getting on the right track now of a boot/glovebox light?

    It's good watch for a chuckle.

    SS Dave
    Yeah, hearing you SS. I think the facebook dopes race to be the first with a reply, without understanding the question. I rarely post answers and will mainly just read because occasionally, very occasionally, someone will post an informative answer. Another piss me off is the same question, week after week. "Can I put 33"'s on and will it clear the guards?", "what does this service soon mean?". Takes me all my time not to answer with a smartarse answer. So yes, I mostly read and shake my head.
    You can learn alot using Google, and the search button.....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Keith View Post
    Yeah, hearing you SS. I think the facebook dopes race to be the first with a reply, without understanding the question. I rarely post answers and will mainly just read because occasionally, very occasionally, someone will post an informative answer. Another piss me off is the same question, week after week. "Can I put 33"'s on and will it clear the guards?", "what does this service soon mean?". Takes me all my time not to answer with a smartarse answer. So yes, I mostly read and shake my head.
    I am much the same, I did reply to the ford flat car battery with "A litre of woof juice and a match"

    Same with one of the other fourms I lurk around. I tried to solder a wire on the miain board and now it will not turn on.
    DH 1st time you try soldering and you atempt to solder to a SMD component. I shake my head and think of all the land fill there making.

    As now I am in retirement I nead my weekly dose of IDIOT customers and Facebook as not let me down with that.

    SS Dave
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    Quote Originally Posted by shred View Post
    About thirty years ago, I remember people bringing car radio/cassette players in to be repaired... we’d often get an ice cream container full of parts. “I took it apart to have a look and thought I’d save you having to take it apart again”. Sometimes this was with quite high end gear that was worth saving.

    I got quite good at solving these three dimensional jigsaw puzzles. It goes without saying that:
    • There were always bits missing
    • The fault would have been a trivial quick fix if old mate hadn’t messed with it
    • D^ck Head Tax (DHT) was generously applied to the bill

    I used to have a screw tax!
    A extra fee for every missing screw.

    I have told customers to go home and fully reassemble the item befor I would look at it and 1/2 the time it was nothing to do with what they pulled apart.

    SS Dave
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Quote Originally Posted by porkop View Post
    I like the "I have for sale a ............ Doesnt work, simple to fix, I just dont have time."
    Those are pure gold. “For sale... in perfect condition, just doesn’t turn on”

    Well, if it won’t turn on, it’s a long way from being “in perfect condition”!

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    With the facebook ive seen some of the most stupid car owners asking advice, with as stupid people giving answers.

    But having said that, ive also noticed a trend of the world owes me everything buyer these days.

    Just today i had a customer complain that his mechanic installed some pads and discs onto his car and that one disc is screwed while the brakes didnt work on the other disc.

    I owed him the mechanics costs, the cost of the parts, the cost of the rental car and god knows what else.

    All this because his qualified mechanic didnt know that this model had a outer pad and a inner pad. (Yep see this one a few times so we knew straight away what went wrong)

    Fit 2 inners on one wheel and 2 outers on the other wheel and expect one wheel to lock up while the other one does not work.

    No, somehow its still my fault.......

    Lately ive been very sharp in picking out the needy customers who think they deserve it all, i usually piss them off well before they buy anything, just to make sure i dont hear from them later when things go sour.

    Ive also noted other sellers telling stories of how they are fighting stupidity back at buyers, one i was readying yesterday was one seller asking the buyer how many pins his turbo took so he could see if he was buying the right one for his vehicle, all because the buyer gave the seller the model details are "Red Hyundai"

    That ell teach him. fight stupid with more stupid.

    Im going to start doing this too.....

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    Quote Originally Posted by porkop View Post
    I like the "I have for sale a ............ Doesnt work, simple to fix, I just dont have time."
    On ebay, that translates to anything listed as " Untested". Generally it will be described as in good conditionS ( Plural for a single item) and working when last used.
    One can only ponder WTF was so hard about plugging the thing in and turning it out which would be the some total of all testing required.. Other than that would mean they would either have to admit it was fked or lie that it wasn't.

    Another favourite ( piss off) is morons that describe a car as being in the good conditionS ( again) and then listing all it needs to make it in anyway useful again is a new engine, gearbox, Diiff, radiator etc..... But it's a great car and worth every cent of the 5X over value they put on the POS.

    Had one a couple of months ago in the yard.
    Pair of geriatric Stoners ( among other things) tow this old bit of garbage in wanting to know how much for a used engine and to fit it? Comedian Mechanic walks around the thing and asks how many times it fell off the trailer getting it here? Joke goes clean over their stoned heads.

    Smelling a waste of time, I said we don't do the fitting and the price of the motor is more than the car is worth. Offered them $200 to wreck the thing. They get all Indignant saying they only bought it a few months ago for $1500. Father and I unconsciously burst out laughing. I said to one of the old farts, was the thing running when you bought it? Yeah we drove it home, ran real good ( Heard that before ... just before they tell you how they blew up) . I asked if it had any rego, yeah, couple of months.

    I said well it sure as ship don't drive now, it hasn't got any rego so tell me with precision and detail, why you think it would be worth anywhere near what you paid for it in it's present state, even if you didn't pay double what the thing was worth to begin with?
    Not only did they keep the car, buy a replacement engine and a load of other parts and have them fitted, they then wanted to give the mechanic whom made the thing driveable and road legal, $500 of the 2400 they owed him ( which he told them several times before he started on the thing) when they picked it up and then pay the rest off when they got their pensions!

    Car stayed right were it was till they came up with the reddies..... at which time the pink slip had expired and they were up for another $40....
    Running and registered the thing is still only worth a grand -1200 on a real lucky day.... and only then if you cleaned the interior out with a fire hose and a drum of Hydrochloric Acid.

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