Funeral Slide show, how emotional do I make it?

[george65]

The Grandfather of my familys other family passed away on Friday. We have been close since our kids started school together 20 years ago and were the best of friends right through to the end. Been through a LOT together.

The family have asked me to do a slide show for the grandfathers service. I did one a couple of years ago for his 70th and he loved it as did the family.
I like doing the happy ones, Birthdays, engagements etc and these memorials I hate and always struggle to get through with them. I have done them before but I figure it's the last thing I can do to honour the person that has been lost.

The family have given me a few songs to put on the vid and that's where my quandary is. He was a big Elvis fan and I used an Elvis song for his birthday vid. Burning Love was upbeat and fitted well. The family said just put a different title on the Birthday vid and go with that. They really just don't want to put me to any trouble which is nice but not acceptable to me. No effort no honour in my mind. This man was Greek through and through and I knew honour was a big thing to him.
I'll pull as many all day and nighters as I have to so it's as perfect as I can make it and honours him as best I can.

I have many good photos and Video clips from his 70th party I can put in the show especially some Video clips of him dancing lovingly with his wife and daughter.
A couple of the songs they have given me I could put in with these clips and pics but they are REALLY going to be emotional. I knew the man and even though I'm weak as piss now with loosing people, I'm wondering do I make this full on, powerful and moving as I can and potentially really upset and potentially crush them for a few minutes or do I back it off with another Elvis song that fits the man well and make it less moving and powerful?

I don't do these things by halves, they are not the typical slide show of pictures flashing up every 5 sec. I make people cry like hell at birthday partys with the emotion I can put in these things. I have a way with these shows even if I say so myself. I know I have a lot of power with these shows but this time I'm a bit lost.
Do I go full on and have everyone Bawling their eyes out which may or may not be good for them or do I back it off and make it nice but less than it could be?

The man was suffering with Alzheimer's for a few years but was still a very strong man as he had been all his life so his loss has been an emotional and long coming thing.

To my way of ( usually disturbed) way of thinking, making it everything I can is the right way to honour the man. In doing that though.... not going to be short in the emotion department that's for sure. I did one for my Aunt some years ago and I remember my Cousins Husband, a hard man by all accounts, coming up to me afterwards and thanking me for the presentation. He said I was doing pretty well to till then but I lost my shit pretty early on watching that. He thought what I did was great but ..... hit real hard.
For some reason, this time I don't know where to go. From what I have seen, the family is handling it well, not like it was unexpected, but again, what's the right thing to do by the grandfather and the family?

I can do this with the Elvis songs which would be Burning Love and I did it my way, which for this man is very appropriate or I can put in the tear jerker he apparently liked that while also appropriate, is more for those left behind in the way they would think of him which I think is going to hurt.
Looking through the pictures I have and what I can do with them, coupled to that music is really going to be emotional. There's not going to be anything happy or laughs in this that's for sure so that's not an option.

Do I make it as powerful and emotional as I easily can, or make it "nice" but less moving?
Suggestions appreciated.

[enf]

Nice is not necessarily less moving.

I have always found that gut instinct is best with this sort of thing......people grieve in their own way, and something that encourages that is what I would do.

I don't envy you man, there's no rule book to follow.

[VroomVroom]

there is no easy answer to it - I would probably make 2 different slide shows , then run them past more of his family members and come to a shared decision. Time is of the essence here so you may not get enough time to make both??? hard call

[hinekadon]

Honesty is the best , tell it as it was in your eyes, everyone will get something out of it, this is a case where too many cooks spoil the broth

[george65]

Thank you all for the feedback and input. Very much appreciated.

The grandson whom is like my second son is coming over this afternoon with some more pictures and I'll discuss a few things with him. I have also asked the Family if they would like me to make a video of the service in case they may like to look back on it or would like to send it to relatives Overseas etc.

My instinct was to make the show as powerful as I could to pay tribute to the man and I think barring anything I haven't considered, that is what I'll do. If I blow my own trumpet, I haven't missed with one of these yet and not doing it the way I think is best would be even more difficult to know whether it's good and more so appropriate
or not. I have been doing the prep work already, that's where the big time is and had tears down my face. I'm such a pussy with this sort of thing but I'll take a tablespoon of cement, harden the fk up and make it everything I can.

I could do 2 Shows but thinking about it, I know what would happen. They would just insist I go with whatever I thought best and I know what that will be.

The thing I dislike more than anything else with doing these is all the people that come up and say thank you afterwards. Not that I don't appreciate it, just somehow doesn't feel right. Seems like basic decency to do what you can for people in this situation, shouldn't require thanks and I don't like anyone thinking of me when the day is all about paying respect to someone else. Maybe that sounds bad but funny enough, I rather not be thanked for this. As long as it pays fitting tribute, that's all I want.

I'll see what the young fella comes up with and then get started on it in earnest tonight. Usually the actual production does not take long, It's fixing all the crappy photos I'm given to make them look as good as can be. Phones may be capable of taking great Pics but the people taking them suck! :0
Bit of a trade off between scanning old prints and spending hours trying to make the phone pics look good.

[lsemmens]

Personally, I would celebrate his life, and friendship. Funerals are sad enough, often people need some realism in these circumstances. Don't dwell on his final days, dwell on his life. If he was a fantastic dad, then use that, if, OTOH he was absolutely Cr*p at everything, it becomes a lot harder. From, your description, I'd suggest it will be fairly easy. The family will be supplying the photos, I guess, so, that should direct your planning, and any background music and commentary.

[bob_m_54]

If it's going to be a cremation, I'd be a bit wary of BBQ pictures, and definitely avoid Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" in the soundtrack...

[eeprommemory]

If it's going to be a cremation, I'd be a bit wary of BBQ pictures, and definitely avoid Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" in the soundtrack...

i was at a funeral with that soundtrack and was thinking oh the irony.
show his life how you saw it don't make it fake.

[mtv]

It's a tough call.... what some will find pleasing, others may find offensive.

You can't please them all, so go with what YOU feel is appropriate.

Remember him with memories of how things were for him.... try mostly upbeat ones, but don't reject moments that weren't so good.... they were part of his life as well, and many of his family and friends experienced those times with him.

[george65]

Just finishing up now burning the show to various mediums.

I spoke to his daughter today to get the right spelling of his Greek name and what she would like on the titles.
She was very keen to use a different piece of music to what I was going to choose but clearly it meant something to her Dad and the family too so I went with that.

The vid Clips I inserted from his 70Th a couple of years back are the most emotional part. Dancing with his loving wife and doing the Zorba with his family. I did have this in mind at the time as he was not well then and I'm glad I did get plenty of pics and Vid of him.

I Showed the presentation to my daughter a little while ago and she was in tears as was my wife. Just hoping I don't cry too much tomorrow during the service as well as when they play this. I saw the grandson yesterday whom was/ is VERY close to his grandparents and he seems to be handling things a lot better than I expected. Tomorrow will be a different thing though.
His mother was thanking me profusely today when I spoke to her and I said to her I appreciated her kind words but please, that was enough, I don't want to be thanked tomorrow, it was my honour to honour him. She kept saying about not going to too much trouble and I told her, that is not an option. If it can be done it will be, end of story. Doesen't mean anything if there is no effort. I know her Father would have done anything for us and certainly went out of his way to help my boy where he could.

I'm happy with what I put together. The song is a bit sad and I made the first half of the show more low key although the pics and vids are certainly emotional and I finished with an up beat song he loved, Burning love by Elvis. I think it's a nicer way to end the show and I put in some shots of him I got of him laughing at himself when they got him up to my photo booth back at his party. He was a [pretty serious and dignified man so seeing him really laughing brings an unconscious smile to ones face as well.

His Daughter suggested to me today there may be a potential business in doing these shows. I don't know about that. Would sure be easier with people I didn't know than ones I do but maybe i'd find it wouldn't. Lot of time and mucking around in them too so they wouldn't be cheap. Maybe 50 other companies are already doing them anyway, I'll have to do some home work.... not sure, I'll think about it.
Rather do them for Birthdays and funerals for the living ( weddings) but....

I have to say, I am always amazed with 2 things doing these shows.
Firstly, how few photos some people have of loved ones or themselves.
Secondly, how BAD the photos they do have often are. I don't care how good people tell me phone pics are these days, the people taking them are still complete shit! And more times than not, they don't back them up and loose them.

I did a high res scan of a small pic they gave me when the father was only about 18. A beautiful sepia coloured studio shot. Probably cost a lot to have done in the day. It had some damage but I Photoshopped it and it came up very nice. I have printed out some larger copies for the family as it's a real good pic. Man was a very handsome rooster all his life and up to the end.

Take lots of pics of your loved ones and when you think you have too many, take more. If you loose them, trust me, You'll never have taken enough. Never presume they will be around forever no matter how young they are. Terrible shit happens all the time and the moment you think won't happen to me....

Tomorrow is not going to be a good day.

[george65]

Today was the sad day.
I saw so many things that broke my heart with the grieving family. It was like something out of a Movie. I couldn't help but think, I hope I'm that loved when I go, very much doubt I will be though.
From the church to the burial there were so many sad scenes. Couldn't stop the tears rolling down my face at either one. It's just shit that people have to go through this. Brought back so many painful memories as well.

I was upset soon as I went in the church and signed the book. They had little memorial cards and the picture on the front was the one I scanned and edited and used as the key title shot.
We never discussed this, Family didn't even know I was going to put a shot with the titles but like some sort of sign, that was the picture they picked and I did too.
They gave me the card and I probably said something inappropriate and looked away. My wife and daughter said what's wrong. I showed them and said look at the picture, it's the same one for the show.

The service even though 99% of it was in Greek and I didn't understand it, didn't stop it being bloody sad. I went to the casket and paid my respects and then had to go to the family again.
That was hard. The grandson hugged me and didn't want to let go. I noticed how well he was doing till then but then he broke down. Sometimes, often, I hate this cruel world.
Dunno what it is with him and I but always been a connection since he was a little kid. He would play up something Chronic on his parents but a few words from me and he was a little angel. He's grown into a fine but somewhat lost young man. We talked the other day and I'm going to do something useful and set him up in the new business he wants to do and be his mentor with the business and marketing side. He's always had a heart of gold and I can see the potential in him. His father has health issues and his skills lie in different areas but I think if I get him started, he'll be able to run with the ball from there. Might be helping me more than it helps him so good for everyone.

The wake was at a place I used to work at a lot but probably haven't been to in at least 10 years, probably closer to 15. I went up to the owner and he said I know you, you are so familiar to me. I said my name and he recounted some advertising shoots we did together and for some reason seemed really happy to see me. We had a quick chat about old times and how things have changed in the game and he asked me very sincerely to come back and have a coffee with him which I'll do. Real nice guy.

They had a projector set up on a computer and had the sound run to the house system which sounded great. The owner wanted to announce my name and say I had put this together for the family as if it were a business thing. I might have been a bit impolite in telling him not to do that!, just say it was remembering the life and times of....
I was sitting behind the family and they started crying pretty quick. I looked around the room and saw a lot of other people wiping tears away as well. It came to the second song and I saw a few grins on the sons face and the mood lighten a bit. There was a photo they wanted with the father and my son and the wife and daughter burst into tears and broke down straight away when it came up which wasn't good.

When it finished I could hear people talking and saying how much they liked it and then I looked around and had the family around me hugging and thanking me and we were all in tears.
As people were leaving, many were coming up to me whom I had no clue whom they were saying how beautiful the show was and what a great tribute. Not sure how they knew I did it but at least it told me I had done well to honour him which was my one and only intention. I feel so relieved now I got it done and it went so well. I was very anxious about something going wrong and letting the family down but went without a hitch so now I can relax.

Maybe I take these things a bit personally but I satisfied myself that I paid my respects as best I could.

My wife suggested it might be something to do these for other people on the way home and related comments she heard.
I don't know. Is this something people would pay for?
I'll ask my friend at the reception hall when I go to see him what he thinks.

[hinekadon]

well done geo