Originally Posted by
george65
I had the medical merry o round with anti depressants after we lost our son. Some of them literally nearly Killed me. I was given one and was told we'll give you 150 Mg which is the standard dose and maybe up it from there but first seeing you get bad reactions with itching, we'll start you on 25 Mg and come back in a week. I took ONE of those tablets and slept for the beast part of 4 Days. I'm a big lump with a High metabolism and usually stuff bounces right off me. This stuff..... Pretty sure I would have never woken up if I took the 150 Mg.
I later saw the guy held to be the leading shrink in the country ( at $400 to 40 Min, he'd want to know something!) and when I told him I had been given these things he went into orbit.
He agreed that the 150 dosage may well have killed me. Tablet of last resort for Psychotics he said. Seemed also surprised the chemist had them and filled the script.
He recommended some other tablets my Diabetes guy prescribed some time before but I never took. He gave me samples and I thought not this shit again so never took them. At the shrinks encouragement I did and they were much better than anything else I had been given. Everything else gave me a hell of a fog and I felt stupid. Couldn't think, couldn't remember things I knew like instinct and felt nothing other than being a zombie. These ones I am on now are much better, none of that but still some Numbness. Still after a week getting the panic attacks to a minor degree but not so much anxiety.
Was at a friends house the other night staring down a Bushfire and trying to help him save his Home. Firey said I don't want to panic you guys and don't loose your shit on me but this could be real bad. It dawned on me that I was actually cool as a cucumber in the face of real adversity and danger yet thinking I might forget to put the bins out has had me shitting myself.
Yep, nothing wrong with me! Fire turned out to do more good than harm so was beyond best outcome fortunately.
I think you are spot on about having too much time but by the same time, occupying oneself when one has less than zero Motivation is difficult. Doc insists the depression rather than anything physical is making me tired. Also makes it hard to do things when you get up feeling like you have been run over.
I think All I can do is keep coming back to things when I feel like it and maybe one day I'll break though and be able to get on the horse again.
You term people like I do, associates. I had a very good friend that about 18 Months ago after 25 Years of CLOSE friendship, decided for reasons I have no idea, to sever all ties with my family. He and I were like Brothers, he was a sister to my wife and another father to my kids especially my daughter. He was the first one to hold her when she came out the delivery room. Always been the apple of his eye and vice versa. I have pulled him out of endless shit so many times. Live with us a year when his wife did the dirty on him and I got him a job and put him on his feet. He was there with us when they switched off my sons life support which I thought would have counted for something.
He took up with this new woman who is typical of the ones he gets, selfish insecure nutters worse than me that want him all to themselves. First he cut off his father and brother then us shortly thereafter. Got so say I would have never seen that coming and would have given my life for his which would have turned out to be a mistake. I thought if anything happened to me he would be there for my family. Another gross misjudgement on my part apparently. Don't know what we did, just one day wouldn't answer calls or messages and that was it.
I have a very strong feeling one day in the distant future, He'll wake up or she will attack him with a Knife or something and I'll get a call. Don't know wether I'll take it or just tell him to fluck off. Not even so disappointed in him for my sake but he pretty much broke my daughters heart and she certainly never did anything to him other than idolise him and he certainly hurt my wife as well. The new woman has a daughter and before we were cut off he told us she didn't like him carrying my daughters picture in his wallet as he had since she was born and used to say he always would so I guess there is something there. I can't respect a man that won't stand up for himself and as strung out as I have been and still am, my wife jokes that I have never stopped being a disagreeable mongeral and standing my ground with her... usually when I should listen to better sense.
I try not to think about this too much. I was a bit angry at first, now I'm just really disappointed. Maybe more at my own poor judgement of people than anything else. I can't believe that anyone who was by my side, and he made great efforts and sacrifice to be there for me at such an unimaginable time of our lives can just forget that and all the other things we have been through together and let some woman he's barely known a year put an end to the bond I mistakenly thought we had.
Like you I don't make friends easy and TBH, I don't want a lot of friends. I have a couple of people that I feel I can rely on and talk to and that's enough. I try to be a good friend but I also rarely ring anyone. I'll go see them but I just don't like ringing people for some reason.
After my recent attempt to find a local doc and then traveling to see the guy I like, I was left wondering WTF did I even bother for? When I saw him the other day it came up I had been to see someone else at his suggestion and it was the first bad advise he had ever given me and I'd be coming to his home when he finally retired. I just like the guy. He's straight forward, tells me a few impolite home truths to get the message across when he has to and I walk out of there feeling like I want to look after myself, not like I want to go punch a wall in frustration that these other clowns make me feel. This touchy feely overly polite approach a number I have seen round here seem to have, puts my normally good blood pressure through the roof!
The thing with your mother in law's other daughter 20 Min away that won't do a thing..... How many times have I heard that before? I don't understand how people can be like that. No, I didn't talk to my own father for over 10 years but at least I told him civilly and politely I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. He was responsible for that in his actions so it wasn't all one sided. Since the day he rang and told me he had regrets and was sorry for what had happened, I drop everything and do what I can for him. I think it's a sons/daughters job unless you don't want a relationship with them in any way. I have NEVER asked for money from him even when I didn't have 2 Bob in my pocket. He mocked me when I said I'd buy him a House earlier this year and got a shock when he realised I could. I gave him grief for being an ungrateful bastard to my wife who was prepared to put a roof over his head being what we did with our money wasn't all my decision. He has a house and is pretty well off but in pondering selling his house in the country and moving to Sydney, Suffice to say like most people, he would have come up somewhat short as property values are nothing anywhere else like they are here.
I can see how having an offgrid system would be difficult for a mature person that never had anything to do with it. I'll bet your MIL won't hear of moving off her 38 acres. My father is the same. Goes on about not wanting neighbours even though the house next door is probably less than 40M away from his. Both his neighbours are morons that give him grief but he seems to think that anywhere he goes would have neighbours he couldn't stand. Keep telling him, not everyone is a mongeral and the chances are you'd be more of a pain in the arse to them then they would to you and there is also a good chance you'd come across some nice people you could be good friends with and would help you when you needed it.
I would like to see him in another place for his benefit and my own selfish reasons. It would be easier to see him 100 or 10 Km away and his house holds a lot of memories of my boy being there. There are things there he did I see every time and that doesn't' do my panic attacks or anxiety much good either. I'll ring my father tomorrow night and have the annual argument about him coming down here for Christmas and him telling me he's fine on his own up there or going to the housekeepers place. I tell him the neighbours here are no closer than his and are real nice people he'd get on with and there are more Sheep and cattle round here than his place AND the town is about 1/4 the size. He'll tell me he doesn't like sydney and I'll remind him I'm not in Sydney, just 350 KM closer than he is and he'll never know hes not at home if we come down at night.
I know Kids are hard work but are they as hard work as parents are?
He can't claim Revenge, I was raised by my grandparents!
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