Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 21 to 24 of 24

Thread: Have You ever had the living ship scared out of you?

  1. #21
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,032
    Thanks
    246
    Thanked 1,036 Times in 477 Posts
    Rep Power
    460
    Reputation
    20294

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by allover View Post
    I think you two have trumped the conversation, no one else is game to post after what you both have been thru
    Wish you both the best, and am sure i can say that on behalf of all members
    Thank You.
    It's not a competition however. Just because someone has been through worse than someone else does not mean that things don't feel as bad for others. Some things you have to go through to understand and until you do, other things are not less painful.
    Loosing ones house in a fire would be unimaginable to me. People might say well you can replace things and start again and at least you are alive but that to me at least, would make it no less of an unimaginable tradgety. I wouldn't know where to start if that happened. Then I WOULD be properly screwed forever. My memories in photos and things are all I have left of a lot of people that I loved and now badly miss.

    I could also well see where that could play on peoples minds and give them anxiety or panic attacks or other problems, short or long term. I had a friend that was in a serious car accident. The car she was in was almost unrecognisable as a twisted chunk of what looked like paper but her and her husband got out with cuts and a couple of broken bones between them. Although not seriously hurt or in a life threatening way, took her many years to get over it and seeing and hearing the circumstances, I still think of it when driving and see a similar situation. Could be downplayed as Minor, "you weren't seriously hurt" but the mental damage was certainly there and so was the fear and terror afterwards.

    It's all proportional and there are many things that can hurt and screw you up through no fault of your own and they don't have to be the worst disaster anyone ever heard of.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to george65 For This Useful Post:

    kclar (08-12-19)



  • #22
    Administrator
    admin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Victoria
    Age
    52
    Posts
    30,884
    Thanks
    2,202
    Thanked 13,333 Times in 5,677 Posts
    Rep Power
    4332
    Reputation
    157845

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by george65 View Post
    I had the medical merry o round with anti depressants after we lost our son. Some of them literally nearly Killed me. I was given one and was told we'll give you 150 Mg which is the standard dose and maybe up it from there but first seeing you get bad reactions with itching, we'll start you on 25 Mg and come back in a week. I took ONE of those tablets and slept for the beast part of 4 Days. I'm a big lump with a High metabolism and usually stuff bounces right off me. This stuff..... Pretty sure I would have never woken up if I took the 150 Mg.
    I later saw the guy held to be the leading shrink in the country ( at $400 to 40 Min, he'd want to know something!) and when I told him I had been given these things he went into orbit.
    He agreed that the 150 dosage may well have killed me. Tablet of last resort for Psychotics he said. Seemed also surprised the chemist had them and filled the script.

    He recommended some other tablets my Diabetes guy prescribed some time before but I never took. He gave me samples and I thought not this shit again so never took them. At the shrinks encouragement I did and they were much better than anything else I had been given. Everything else gave me a hell of a fog and I felt stupid. Couldn't think, couldn't remember things I knew like instinct and felt nothing other than being a zombie. These ones I am on now are much better, none of that but still some Numbness. Still after a week getting the panic attacks to a minor degree but not so much anxiety.

    Was at a friends house the other night staring down a Bushfire and trying to help him save his Home. Firey said I don't want to panic you guys and don't loose your shit on me but this could be real bad. It dawned on me that I was actually cool as a cucumber in the face of real adversity and danger yet thinking I might forget to put the bins out has had me shitting myself.
    Yep, nothing wrong with me! Fire turned out to do more good than harm so was beyond best outcome fortunately.

    I think you are spot on about having too much time but by the same time, occupying oneself when one has less than zero Motivation is difficult. Doc insists the depression rather than anything physical is making me tired. Also makes it hard to do things when you get up feeling like you have been run over.

    I think All I can do is keep coming back to things when I feel like it and maybe one day I'll break though and be able to get on the horse again.

    You term people like I do, associates. I had a very good friend that about 18 Months ago after 25 Years of CLOSE friendship, decided for reasons I have no idea, to sever all ties with my family. He and I were like Brothers, he was a sister to my wife and another father to my kids especially my daughter. He was the first one to hold her when she came out the delivery room. Always been the apple of his eye and vice versa. I have pulled him out of endless shit so many times. Live with us a year when his wife did the dirty on him and I got him a job and put him on his feet. He was there with us when they switched off my sons life support which I thought would have counted for something.

    He took up with this new woman who is typical of the ones he gets, selfish insecure nutters worse than me that want him all to themselves. First he cut off his father and brother then us shortly thereafter. Got so say I would have never seen that coming and would have given my life for his which would have turned out to be a mistake. I thought if anything happened to me he would be there for my family. Another gross misjudgement on my part apparently. Don't know what we did, just one day wouldn't answer calls or messages and that was it.

    I have a very strong feeling one day in the distant future, He'll wake up or she will attack him with a Knife or something and I'll get a call. Don't know wether I'll take it or just tell him to fluck off. Not even so disappointed in him for my sake but he pretty much broke my daughters heart and she certainly never did anything to him other than idolise him and he certainly hurt my wife as well. The new woman has a daughter and before we were cut off he told us she didn't like him carrying my daughters picture in his wallet as he had since she was born and used to say he always would so I guess there is something there. I can't respect a man that won't stand up for himself and as strung out as I have been and still am, my wife jokes that I have never stopped being a disagreeable mongeral and standing my ground with her... usually when I should listen to better sense.

    I try not to think about this too much. I was a bit angry at first, now I'm just really disappointed. Maybe more at my own poor judgement of people than anything else. I can't believe that anyone who was by my side, and he made great efforts and sacrifice to be there for me at such an unimaginable time of our lives can just forget that and all the other things we have been through together and let some woman he's barely known a year put an end to the bond I mistakenly thought we had.

    Like you I don't make friends easy and TBH, I don't want a lot of friends. I have a couple of people that I feel I can rely on and talk to and that's enough. I try to be a good friend but I also rarely ring anyone. I'll go see them but I just don't like ringing people for some reason.


    After my recent attempt to find a local doc and then traveling to see the guy I like, I was left wondering WTF did I even bother for? When I saw him the other day it came up I had been to see someone else at his suggestion and it was the first bad advise he had ever given me and I'd be coming to his home when he finally retired. I just like the guy. He's straight forward, tells me a few impolite home truths to get the message across when he has to and I walk out of there feeling like I want to look after myself, not like I want to go punch a wall in frustration that these other clowns make me feel. This touchy feely overly polite approach a number I have seen round here seem to have, puts my normally good blood pressure through the roof!

    The thing with your mother in law's other daughter 20 Min away that won't do a thing..... How many times have I heard that before? I don't understand how people can be like that. No, I didn't talk to my own father for over 10 years but at least I told him civilly and politely I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. He was responsible for that in his actions so it wasn't all one sided. Since the day he rang and told me he had regrets and was sorry for what had happened, I drop everything and do what I can for him. I think it's a sons/daughters job unless you don't want a relationship with them in any way. I have NEVER asked for money from him even when I didn't have 2 Bob in my pocket. He mocked me when I said I'd buy him a House earlier this year and got a shock when he realised I could. I gave him grief for being an ungrateful bastard to my wife who was prepared to put a roof over his head being what we did with our money wasn't all my decision. He has a house and is pretty well off but in pondering selling his house in the country and moving to Sydney, Suffice to say like most people, he would have come up somewhat short as property values are nothing anywhere else like they are here.


    I can see how having an offgrid system would be difficult for a mature person that never had anything to do with it. I'll bet your MIL won't hear of moving off her 38 acres. My father is the same. Goes on about not wanting neighbours even though the house next door is probably less than 40M away from his. Both his neighbours are morons that give him grief but he seems to think that anywhere he goes would have neighbours he couldn't stand. Keep telling him, not everyone is a mongeral and the chances are you'd be more of a pain in the arse to them then they would to you and there is also a good chance you'd come across some nice people you could be good friends with and would help you when you needed it.

    I would like to see him in another place for his benefit and my own selfish reasons. It would be easier to see him 100 or 10 Km away and his house holds a lot of memories of my boy being there. There are things there he did I see every time and that doesn't' do my panic attacks or anxiety much good either. I'll ring my father tomorrow night and have the annual argument about him coming down here for Christmas and him telling me he's fine on his own up there or going to the housekeepers place. I tell him the neighbours here are no closer than his and are real nice people he'd get on with and there are more Sheep and cattle round here than his place AND the town is about 1/4 the size. He'll tell me he doesn't like sydney and I'll remind him I'm not in Sydney, just 350 KM closer than he is and he'll never know hes not at home if we come down at night.

    I know Kids are hard work but are they as hard work as parents are?
    He can't claim Revenge, I was raised by my grandparents!
    Yeah, I know it is a nightmare having to basically "guinea pig" yourself with anti depressants and zero fun that's for sure. My son is also on them. He was fine all his life until he hit 14, then big problems started. From 14 to 18 was a nightmare, as he became physically violent. Each year, he got stronger and I seemed to get weaker ( I was...I was on 200 mg of opioids). We had to call police numerous times in that 4 years for our personal safety. Physically I could kick his arse, but I don't know too many people who have the stomach to punch their kid that hard they knock him out. As well as that, I would be out of steam in 2 minutes in a physical fight with him, so I was putting myself as risk.

    He chucked a major one on his 18th birthday (the day itself, he hadn't been drinking or anything and he is very anti drugs) and my missus had to call 000. The cops, sick of him after 4 years, were stoked he was now an adult by law so went and chased him and locked him up. A 12 month apprehended violence order was taken out and we lost contact with him which nearly destroyed my wife. We reconciled with him 2 years later on condition he seek treatment, which he did. He then came back home and is still here about to turn 23. Anti depressants fixed his problems (mainly.....he has been arrested twice, but for stupid alcohol related crap), he is generally pleasant (though his mess drives me insane) and works full time.
    Like my wife, he clearly cannot live and function without anti depressants. They say mental health stuff like this is not genetic, but I have my doubts. My wife's sister for example is an utter fruit loop.



    I agree with you on the motivation factor, I also have none. That's why you now see me sporadically on here, I cant seem to dedicate myself to doing anything. Lack of physical activity will kill me sooner or later, I am very very lucky that I don't have diabetes and blood pressure issues. Weight is an issue, I hit 124 kg recently which is the heaviest I have ever been. I am lucky that I am 6'3 as the taller you are the easier to hide weight is. I am back to 120 by skipping lunches, but if I actually got up and went for a walk or something I would no doubt lose some weight....and get fitter. But yeah, where is the motivation to do so ? I am also lucky (in a way) that having to take testosterone is basically turning some of my fat to muscle even though I don't do much.

    My MIL will have to move due to her ignoring me. I tell her what she needs to do and she then ends up doing something else. Basically, she had no money and no power due to the old solar system crapping itself. Owning the property outright, I told her she needs to take out a reverse mortgage and borrow money for the new system. Only get this type of loan I said. Very clearly and explained why.

    She goes out and gets a Home Improvement loan for 45k (with a credit card to boot ! She is an aged pensioner !) that has to be repaid in 5 years. She wanted me to read the loan papers to see if it was ok. I said " That's is not the type of loan I told you to get. I am not reading it. Only an idiot would sign what loan. Do not sign that loan". So she signed it and got the loan.

    I told her she needed to get 3 quotes in regards to the solar and told her what she required. She got one quote, overblown by about 10k, and accepted it because she thought the guy who did the quote was nice.

    This is just another source of stress. Given the banking royal commission, I could probably have the bank tear up the contract and give her title back. Why would you give a loan like that to someone, recently widowed, aged pensioner, with no money to pay it ?

    Given my 10 year fight with the council, I really really really, don't want to have a fight with a bank. But I may have to. My wife has to deal with a lot in dealing with her mother, my wife's parents pissed off to the country as soon I got with her. My wife was therefore left with her widowed grandmother to look after. So after spending her early 20s through to 30's looking after her grandmother (while having 2 children), she now gets to look after her mother (who got out of looking after her own mother)

    Ahh , its crazy stuff. I can remember when I was in my 20's and thought you would just cruise through your 40s and 50s without a worry in the world. How wrong I was But your story, and my story are not unique unfortunately. I do get sick of dealing with other peoples problems, and I think that has a lot to do with why I now dislike people in general.

  • #23
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,032
    Thanks
    246
    Thanked 1,036 Times in 477 Posts
    Rep Power
    460
    Reputation
    20294

    Default

    Fk me you have has some things in life to deal with. I can't imagine what it was like having to go through that with your son.
    My son and I had some issues. I think it was something to do with growing pains but sometimes we wouldn't talk for weeks. I think a lot was my fault, I was too hard arse in trying to teach him lessons but he was a Know it all little shit at times. Thank god we were well over the worst of it and both came to some realisations before he died. I would have not been able to bear it if we were still arguing. I made so many mistakes with him and did so much wrong it still tears me apart. The only thing I can say in my defense is I did what I did to try and stand him on his own 2 feet and be independent. That was in many ways a mistake. I related too much to my own upbringing where I had no one to teach me anything and had to do it all myself.
    I put that on him too much instead of being a father and teaching him more.

    We had made plans together for his Future. He was doing his apprenticeship as a carpenter. His mother and I wanted to Move to Qld and I asked if he would come with us. He said No, he wanted to finish his apprenticeship first and then go up there as a qualified tradie. He said he wanted to go up there as well as he had spoken to a mate about doing renos together and would come with us in 18 Months. I thought great, gives us time to sort things out, time to work on my father to get him to come with us and we can all go up there and live happily ever after. So much for that Idea.

    For a while there I thought we would have to part ways and I was trying to think what it would be like to have a son I couldn't have anything to do with. Did it with my father for 10 years and that didn't worry me too much but the thought of not having anything to do with my son killed me. I was far too stubborn a prick and my wife told me all the time I was too hard on him but I knew best. Figured if I could do what I did as a kid, he could too. What a fkwit. For a couple of days after his accident the doctors said he would recover but it would be a long and hard process. I thought from now on all my plans are cancelled, my role in life will be to dedicate my every waking moment to getting him better. They thought he would have to learn to walk and maybe even speak again but I would have done whatever it took.
    I thought it would be hard and frustrating and against my self centred ways but I was 110% comitted to it. Few days later that was out of the question.

    I'll never forget the terror when they called us back into the hospital shortly after coming home from there. the doctor went on with a lot of technical talk but when she asked about organ donation, I knew what that meant and went into hysterics. I'd been scared for days before but hearing that was the end of my world. I could not have imagined something so horrific till then. I'm still haunted with the vision of seeing him pass away. They switched off the machines and I could literally see the life drain out of him as his colour changed from the normal pink/ tanned colour he was to a whitish gray. I wonder every day if we did the right thing letting them turn those machines off of if we should have insisted they keep him on them and hope for a Miracle. We should have never had to make a decision like that in the state of mind we were already in. I don't know if they would have done it anyway but I'll never stop wondering if we did the right thing or not.

    I also wonder a lot now how my father coped with loosing my brother. Seems maybe he was old school and just got on with things much as he was hurting. My brother was the favourite child, no doubt. I was always the rebel and outspoken and gave him every reason to be closer to my brother than I was. I don't understand how he let the Bitch he took up with rule his head the way she did though. He put her above me which I could never do with my kids. I have told him that and he says you chose to leave. I said yes, no denying that because I couldn't stand what that bitch put me through every day. Told him he knew how unhappy I was but he put it down to being a spoiled kid and her over me as well.
    I think he regrets what happened but still doesn't really understand why.

    I guess I blame although don't hold it against him as such for the way I treated my boy. I treated my son much like my father treated me which was wrong in a lot of ways. I ridiculed him at times when I should have supported him and was a prick in the comments I sometimes made. At least I did Love him and let him know and took the time to sit him down and tell him when I was proud of him which was pretty much all the time. He WAS a very good kid and to this day people still relate examples of that. We met a parent of one of his friends recently that was talking about how he would come round on Christmas morning. The father said they told him their son was at the grandparents place and he said that's OK, I just came round to give your and the Mrs a card. Guy said who does that, brings Christmas cards for his friends parent's? He was getting teary thinking about it.

    I have been on the poison best part of a couple of weeks now. I don't feel them doing much good. Maybe the anxiety has lessened a bit but certainly not feeling much other benifit.
    Doctors have told me they aren't happy pills but that's exactly what I need the way I am. Then again, Nothing can fix what has happened and life will never be happy.
    I told a couple of Phycs, If I won $100M in the lottery tomorrow, what happens? I go buy the mansion and the Ferrari and the boat or what ever and then I stand there and look at it and say " I wish my boy was here to see and enjoy all this" and at that moment it all means jack shit because without him it's nothing. They have said what about your wife and Daughter? I have said what the Fk you think they are going to be thinking at the same time?

    3 of us always feels odd and always will.

  • #24
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,032
    Thanks
    246
    Thanked 1,036 Times in 477 Posts
    Rep Power
    460
    Reputation
    20294

    Default

    As far as Motivation goes, I am going to try to get back to the gym next year.
    I fking hate the things But I cannot deny the good it was doing me when I did go before. I always said the biggest achievement was dragging my sorry arse through the door and being honest with myself with what I did there. My health improved out of site. I wasn't taking most of my medication and my blood results have never been better. I didn't loose a lot of weight, went from about 123 to about 117 but the doc didn't give a shit and said he didn't care if I weighed 200Kg as long as I had blood results like that. He thought the new pills he had given me 6 months before when I last saw him had done wonders till I told him I hadn't taken the things because they made me itch too much. Then he was REALLY happy slapping high fives with me.

    I have a thing about new years resoloutions that they are complete and utter crap and if anyone was remotely fair Dinkum, they would start in december at least. I'm not doing that because I remember when I first was going to the gym, ( first like in about 2 months!) it was about all I could do. go in the morning and I was Fked for the rest of the day. I have tto much to do right now to be like that ( not that I can do much anyway) but I will try to drag me arse there in January and do my best to stay with it. I surprised everyone last time I kept it up but no one more than myself. I stopped when I lost our boy but I need to stop being a pussy and harden the fk up and get back there if I have any hope of having any sort of a life ahead.

    Clearly Pills of any sort are not the answer and the house of Horrors and Grunt and groan much as I hate the whole Idea let alone anything else DID make the biggest improvements in my Physical health I have ever experienced. I believe that I should be able to exercise plenty round here but I guess I do not have the will power or smarts to apply that basic logic. Somehow I was able to go to a gym and do what I could have at home but for whatever Fked reason in my head would not.

    By the same token, not that different to everyone else. Society has every labour and effort saving devise these days then all parade off to a gym because they are doing nothing physical and not getting enough exercise! At least I do make a conscious effort around the place to put in a bit of effort rather than take the easy way out every time. I used to go about 4-5 times a week. After 6 Months I did feel better in not being so tired and easily exhausted. I had never been stronger in my life. I used to go to see the Phsyc and the only parking around was at the bottom of a steep hill. I used to be out of breath time I got to the place. after 6 months of going to the gym I could power walk up there with barely a second breath. That was probably the most practical everyday example I can put the grunt and groan sessions down to.

    I could lift and move things without effort I would have been pushing out piles trying to do before. I remember a mate and I Laughing our arses off one day when this roid Junkie sat on a machine after I had used it. He went to move the thing and it didn't budge. He turned around and re set the thing to about half the weight and was still struggling. I'd been working it for about 15 Min and it was the same setting I'd been using for a while. You see some people that think just moving is all that's needed. I always pushed myself as I figured what's the use of being here otherwise?
    There are some entertaining types at gyms that will give you a laugh that's for sure.

    Other thing that used to amuse the ship out of me when I did go to the gym was people I would see several times a week there that would walk out and go tot he food court down stairs and tuck into a Large fast food meal. Least I tried to be healthy for that one meal and went and got a salad roll for lunch rather than a triple Greaseburger and Chips like these other clowns.

    I reckon the first couple of weeks will be the hardest. If I can push myself to go there, even just for 30 Min and work properly, I'll be OK. If I can do the fortnight, I can stick to it from there.

    Gyms are hell holes BUT.... If there is anyway you can drag yourself there even once a week, I would recommend it. Don't listen to anyone that says garbage like " You'll get used to it and get to like it" Horse shit! It never gets easier and sure as shit is nothing like fun or enjoyable. Hard work and sweating like a Pig never is. IF you can get there and be honest with yourself and actually do proper work, I am adamant you will see benefits. If you are not dripping sweat within 10 Minutes of being there, you are kidding yourself BUT, the discipline of getting yourself there is still an achievement you can build on.

    And that's the thing. It's not a cure all but IMHO it is a building block that you can use to get other things in better order.
    Better book mark this rant so I can come back to it in 3 weeks time when I am looking for excuses not to go there. :0(

  • The Following User Says Thank You to george65 For This Useful Post:

    kclar (11-12-19)

  • Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •