Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 24

Thread: Have You ever had the living ship scared out of you?

  1. #1
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    2,251
    Thanks
    527
    Thanked 1,857 Times in 894 Posts
    Rep Power
    880
    Reputation
    36714

    Default Have You ever had the living ship scared out of you?

    Discussing something with my Doc today and got me thinking.

    I wanted to know has anyone has ever been completely and utterly terrified as in the worst thing / truly greatest fear they could ever imagine actually happening, thinking their life was about to end, scared out of their mind so much so they couldn't move or absolute pure terror? I am talking total and utter terror Such as thinking you were going to die or seeing something happen that scared you beyond what you knew as possible and it was a lasting thing rather than a near miss in a car but lasted some reasonable time?

    If so would you mind saying what it was briefly and the part i'm really interested in, what happened afterwards? Did you get over it quickly or in time or did it leave you with lasting effects / problems hang ups?

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to george65 For This Useful Post:

    admin (03-12-19),eaglem (01-12-19)



Look Here ->
  • #2
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,736
    Thanks
    16,803
    Thanked 34,858 Times in 9,044 Posts
    Rep Power
    13636
    Reputation
    642369

    Default

    Yeah. Almost drowned once in a rip at the beach. Pulled from under the water by the old man who was a sh!t swimmer. A lifeguard got there and started to take me in. I looked back to see dad going under and THAT scared the living kapoops out of me. Fortunately another guard got there and rescued him.

    I was young so I got over it quickly, but I never forgot it.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    eaglem (01-12-19),Godzilla (01-12-19)

  • #3
    Senior Member
    Godzilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Melbourne
    Age
    59
    Posts
    12,740
    Thanks
    16,580
    Thanked 7,201 Times in 3,648 Posts
    Rep Power
    2198
    Reputation
    79113

    Default

    In dreams yes, in real life no.

    Ongoing effect, yes, some thoughts can never leave you, the horror can hang around in the back of your mind for years to come, in my case over a decade since that one dream i had.

    These vivid horrifying dreams are only when on the stop smoking drug Champix, some people have suicided while on it (read the warning labels), yes you get off the smokes but the memory of the dream never goes away.

  • The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Godzilla For This Useful Post:

    best4less (10-01-20),enf (01-12-19)

  • #4
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,736
    Thanks
    16,803
    Thanked 34,858 Times in 9,044 Posts
    Rep Power
    13636
    Reputation
    642369

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Godzilla View Post
    In dreams yes, in real life no.

    Ongoing effect, yes, some thoughts can never leave you, the horror can hang around in the back of your mind for years to come, in my case over a decade since that one dream i had.

    These vivid horrifying dreams are only when on the stop smoking drug Champix, some people have suicided while on it (read the warning labels), yes you get off the smokes but the memory of the dream never goes away.
    Interesting. I have lower back pain. For a while I was on Lyrica, which certainly provided some relief. BUT, the dreams I had on it were pretty terrifying. To make matters worse, I could clearly remember them after I woke up which is unusual for me. I decided that I'd rather live with the pain and got off the stuff.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • #5
    Administrator
    admin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Victoria
    Age
    56
    Posts
    31,150
    Thanks
    2,238
    Thanked 13,731 Times in 5,823 Posts
    Rep Power
    4552
    Reputation
    165805

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by george65 View Post
    I wanted to know has anyone has ever been completely and utterly terrified as in the worst thing / truly greatest fear they could ever imagine actually happening, thinking their life was about to end, scared out of their mind so much so they couldn't move or absolute pure terror? I am talking total and utter terror Such as thinking you were going to die or seeing something happen that scared you beyond what you knew as possible and it was a lasting thing rather than a near miss in a car but lasted some reasonable time?

    If so would you mind saying what it was briefly and the part i'm really interested in, what happened afterwards? Did you get over it quickly or in time or did it leave you with lasting effects / problems hang ups?
    About 18 months? ago I took up the Alfred Hospitals suggestion that I try painkilling needles in the spine. The thinking was fair and logical, if the needle worked and stopped pain for up to 6 months then having 2 needles a year would be preferable than the dangers of spinal surgery.

    So I agreed. Bad move.

    Went to the Alfred in Melbourne with the missus and went to Radiology. They were doing it there because what they do is put you in an MRI machine, take an MRI of your spine and then administer the needle through the side of your neck. My appt was for 10 am and at 10.50 some guy that looked like he was the cleaner told us in broken english there was a delay as they had to clean up all the mess from the last patient. I should have taken that as a sign.

    At about 12 I went in. I met the doctor doing the procedure who told me had done this hundreds of times with no complications at all. Reassuring.

    I got on the MRI trolley and they decided that as my spinal damage was left hand side related that they would tie my arm to the trolley in case I suffered involuntary movement and hit them or something. All trussed up, the MRI staff sent me in to the MRI machine for a while and then brought me back out. The doctor then came in and said "Why is he out ? I was going to do it while he was in the machine ". "Sorry said the MRI operator, who looked like an Iraqi refugee, "I'll put him back in". "Dont worry about it" said my confident doctor, I'll just do it here.

    He gave me a local in the side of the neck, followed by a bigger local internally. He then pulled out a massive needle, I have a pretty thick neck and it had to go through the side of my neck in to the centre of my spine.

    The first 2 locals hurt like hell, but I thought just ignore the pain and get it over and done with. He put the massive needle in and seemed to have no idea where he was going. He was moving it around in my neck and spine like he was drilling for oil, my face was contorted and I was letting out audible noises of pain.

    As soon as he administered it, I knew I was in very serious deep trouble. I was instantly paralyzed from the neck down to my groin area. And I mean deep trouble, I couldnt scream because I couldnt breathe. My lung function immdiately ceased to work when he did it. It was pure terror.....paralysis meant I couldnt move, speak or breathe and I remember thinking I am dead just before losing consciousness from lack of oxygen.

    The brains trust didn't seem to notice I was actually dead for a while. My wife was sitting out side and heard "Code Blue, Code Blue, Radiology" much to her horror as she works in the health industry and knew exactly what it meant. She said an emergency crew of about a dozen people came screaming down the hall with every resuscitation item known to man.

    It seems someone noticed the patient had turned in to a corpse and they went in to pure panic mode and hit every emergency button they could find. I got zapped, forced oxygen and all sorts of stuff and woke up screaming and crying. I was crying allright, it was pure terror, if that was death I am not looking forward to it. I cant describe it other than it was purely horrible. I of course went ballistic and it took 10 of them to hold me down (even though I still had one arm tied to the trolley). They slammed some big needle in to my arm and jesus, what a mess. This incident sent my blood pressure through the roof, when the needle hit blood shot about 3 feet in the air and all over 2-3 people. And the walls.....it just created more terror. I have never felt so....strange in my life.

    After getting me stable, I was sent to emergency. Just before that, the doctor who administered it came up and said he has never had anything like that happen and would come and see me in in emergency.

    I spent 5 hours in emergency recovering (the doctor did not come and see me...I reckon he ran) and then discharged myself after a 30 minute fight with them.

    Over the next 2 weeks I had to have a number of tests for permanent damage. I had to have a second test on my brain function 2 weeks after the first as they were concerned about the first. Basically their opinion was it caused my body that much trauma it took my brain a week to recover.

    I tried to seek answers as to what happened but got nowhere. My GP was furious, the Alfred rang him 3 months later asking how I went with the injection. My GP said "he didnt enjoy being killed by you" and hung up on them.
    End result was they punctured my spinal column leaking cerebro spinal fluid through my body. Its safe to say that I am not going back to have another one.

    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________

    About 20 years ago, had some bleeding from an internal hemorrhoid. Bad enough that we called an ambulance. Taken to local hospital, seen by an Indian doctor contracted through some "cheapest tender" Doctors are Us or similar.
    He decided that to relieve the pain and internal swelling, that he would remove about a third of it.....with a scalpel in an examination room. I was bleeding like a stuck pig, but he just wacked a couple of rolls of bandages on to it with some gaffer tape and gave me some panadol and sent me home. I was bleeding heavily, blood everywhere and after an hour at home knew I was fighting a losing battle and running out of time.....and blood....it was a ####ing mess. I knew I couldn't wait for an ambulance so my missus helped me crawl to the car (I was grey) and I told her to head for Frankston Hospital as fast as she could with the hazard lights on.

    I can remember thinking I am going to die and that I am going to bleed out before we get there. I was just conscious when we pulled in and can remember my missus screaming and a doctor saying "where the #### is all this guys blood ? He's got no blood ".

    I spent 7 days in hospital after emergency surgery and had a lot of blood transfusions. They had to call in an off duty doctor who was a professor to operate it was that serious.

    You would probably think it couldn't get worse, but hey, this is me. Lets just say having a shit was a major issue in the aftermath of this event. Before I did (at home) I felt something a bit strange. I had a hot bath to relieve the pain as suggested and felt something hanging out. It seems they left an entire roll of bandage inside me. I had the fun excruciating pain job of pulling an entire roll of bandage out of my arse, hoping, and praying to god, that it wasn't connected to anything internal.


    As you can probably guess, I am terrified of the public health system and after this event got Private Health for as long as I could but eventually had to give it up as a I couldn't afford it. I made a serious complaint about the Indian doctor but nothing was done about it. I took legal advice, they said it is not worth the stress for what you will be lucky to get.


    Given the spinal needle didnt work for me, I am supposed to now let the Alfred pull some pieces out of my spine. Ummm....pass. I'll stick to pain killers instead thanks.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to admin For This Useful Post:

    allover (08-12-19),best4less (10-01-20),enf (03-12-19),george65 (03-12-19),hazman (04-12-19),loopyloo (08-12-19),VroomVroom (04-12-19)

  • #6
    Administrator
    admin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Victoria
    Age
    56
    Posts
    31,150
    Thanks
    2,238
    Thanked 13,731 Times in 5,823 Posts
    Rep Power
    4552
    Reputation
    165805

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by enf View Post
    Yeah. Almost drowned once in a rip at the beach. Pulled from under the water by the old man who was a sh!t swimmer. A lifeguard got there and started to take me in. I looked back to see dad going under and THAT scared the living kapoops out of me. Fortunately another guard got there and rescued him.

    I was young so I got over it quickly, but I never forgot it.
    That just gave me a reminder from the past. I was 12 on holidays in Queensland with my father and stepmother as part of the "every second weekend and all school holidays" custody agreement every kid with divorced parents got in the late 70s.

    Walked out a little way at the beach, 5 minutes later tried to walk back, took a step and sunk. Yikes ! I wasn't the only one, 5 people including me had to get rescued. I was a reasonable swimmer but it was getting harder to keep my head above water with waves going over my head.

    As is always the way with me, the next day was even better. Was body surfing and copped a wave full of blue bottle jellyfish. Christ it hurt. My back was covered in welts, I looked like I had been whipped, legs as well. Lifesavers poured about 500 litres of vinegar on me which made me feel a bit better, but I didn't go near the beach again.

    Is anyone seeing a pattern as to why I am so disturbed ? Like you, got over it quickly but no, you don't forget it. Just glad I was a reasonable swimmer then, I would drown for sure now.

  • The Following User Says Thank You to admin For This Useful Post:

    george65 (03-12-19)

  • #7
    Premium Member
    ol' boy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    17,662
    Thanks
    8,131
    Thanked 10,460 Times in 5,194 Posts
    Rep Power
    4471
    Reputation
    184272

    Default

    Interesting topic

    If you watch the Black Saturday video i posted in the YouTube section yesterday, you will see many personal accounts of ordinary people that had to total and utter shit scared out of them.... When you are facing something so big and so unstoppable and all consuming. That will change your life forever and in an instant .
    I also have known that feeling twice....

    In fact, i'd say my most scared moments in life, was when nature made me feel tiny (no i didn't feel Tiny) and so insignificant.
    Outside wild fires, being 55km off shore in 6 meter seas in a trailer boat and copping waves into my body while steering from the fly bridge scared the shit out of me
    Another moment where nature was only just warming up.... Would the boat break, i can't see land, i want to get off and there was simply no where to get off this ride, no where! And no help near by.

    Other moments i'd say i've shit myself where intense moments of shock, very quick sudden and spiking moments of shock, only to be ok.

    Sliding off roofs, dirt bike accidents at high speed, having vehicles let go mid corner have been scary, but you are busy trying to correct the situation, so its not really shit yourself stuff. Its just full panic stations, all hands on deck.

    I remember almost drowning as a 14 year old, it was the most peaceful thing ever.... i just gave up, relaxed, got to where i thought i'd die (run out of breath as calculated by my own brain) but amazingly, you don't die... you just keep on, keeping on..... eventually started floating to the top and breached the surface.
    That's when the panic started

    EDIT: I'll add to Admins comments, when sudden Back Pain prevented me from moving, and the pain was so strong, i shit myself, i realised if a fire was coming, i could not move, physically could not move....
    Last edited by ol' boy; 03-12-19 at 05:15 PM.
    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

  • #8
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    2,251
    Thanks
    527
    Thanked 1,857 Times in 894 Posts
    Rep Power
    880
    Reputation
    36714

    Default

    Your medical experiences are about as bad as one could get and still live, just.
    Has this left you with any anxiety, to you get nightmares or any other fears or conditions from it?

    There is one small thing I can relate to: Being told, Don't worry, been doing this for 10 years, no big deal. I have heard versions of that myself several times and every time it's been said, it's been a Colossal Fkup. Not on anywhere near your scale, but enough that I have told my wife, if anyone ever says that to me again, get me the fk out of there no matter how bad I am.


    I was in an accident once and came around not being able to breathe. I thought I was going to die and would have if not for a friend well trained as a first aid officer with his construction company. Literally brought me back from fading away. Funny, I don't often think about that and it certainly hasn't played on my mind any over the years.
    Wasn't the best experience but I have learned since there are far worse things than dying.

  • #9
    Administrator
    admin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Victoria
    Age
    56
    Posts
    31,150
    Thanks
    2,238
    Thanked 13,731 Times in 5,823 Posts
    Rep Power
    4552
    Reputation
    165805

    Default

    I think I dislike people more since the needle in the neck one, I know it did scramble my brain a bit and obviously the first brain scan showed it. It scared the bejesus out of me, even more than nearly dying of blood loss. I have never felt a sensation like that day, its not something I could even properly describe. Dread, fear, remorse, terror and god knows what else all mixed in to one. Maybe its just that I just hate the world for what it has become, a left wing whinge fest. I also live in what was once a country area which has now been sprawled in to suburbia. We intend to sell up and move to the country, but cant until our son leaves. I issued him a 15 month maximum deadline the other day......basically I said we are going then and I don't care if you have nowhere to go.

    My father in laws death probably just added to the rest. He died 3 years ago 1st of this month. He had buggered kidneys and refused hospital dialysis and only had it at home. Its not like we didnt know it was coming, just the way he died.
    He had a heart attack and was sent to Royal Melbourne. They said you need a pace maker and dialysis ( not really much is it ?) and he refused. So came the stand off as his abdomen started swelling in size. I pleaded with him to have it, he said no.

    Mexican stand off.......hospital cant do anything and I got called in to deal with it. My mother in law, his sister and my wife were there. I again asked him to do it, again he said no. I said you will die, he said yes.

    I asked to see the doctor ( ironically looked like Doogie Howser from the old 80s show he was that young). Asked to see the drugs he was on. "Whats this for ?" He told me. "Take him off it". He will die if we do that. Yes I said. And we went through the drug list until I had him taken off everything. I then said he is in pain, please give him a large dose of Morphine, which they did. 5 minutes later he was still conscious. I asked him are you in pain , he replied Yes. Give him more. They did. And so it went on and he started to die.

    It was not pleasant, we all expected him to just slip away. Nope. His body became contorted and his head began turning side to side with his mouth open and closing like a demented laughing clown at Luna Park, with open dead eyes. It was too much for my mother in law who was falling apart, I hit the doctors up for more Morphine as large as they could allow. "Sorry mate said one, he has been dead for 10 minutes, it wont make a difference". I said have a look at him ! He's not dead !

    They said "sorry you have to go through this, it doesn't happen very often and it isnt pleasant to watch. Its called (insert some medical term), his body has been over compensating for so long it doesnt know when to turn off."

    Jesus, how long is this likely to go on for ? It could be up to 2 hours. Sorry, we cannot declare him dead by law until all signs of life are extinguished even if he is dead. It was too much for my mother in law, his sister and my wife, so they all left in tears.
    I got the unenviable job of sitting with him for 90 minutes as his head turned side to side with his mouth opening and closing like a fish looking for water with his clearly dead glazed eyes looking directly at me everytime he turned his head left.

    I have never seen anything like it and probably never will again. My wife works in aged care and regularly sees people die, but she had never seen this and it was too much for her to see her father like that. I did not sleep for 3 nights straight after it, while I dealt with the situation it really left me spooked. It was as bad as anything I have ever seen in a horror movie, and of course even worse if its someone you know.


    I have also had 2 other botched medical operation experiences, but they werent life threatening. I often find I know more about the medical problem than the people treating me, which really worries me.

    My wife has also had a near death, she went through the windscreen and out of this car with no seat belt on in 1989 when she was 17. It hit a power pole. She was the front seat passenger. She has lost partial site in one eye and had her knee ripped open which has left a massive scar as well as facial scars she has had fixed since then. She suffers chronic migraines and other ailments due to the accident to this day and will never recover from it properly.


  • The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to admin For This Useful Post:

    best4less (10-01-20),george65 (04-12-19),ol' boy (04-12-19)

  • #10
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    2,251
    Thanks
    527
    Thanked 1,857 Times in 894 Posts
    Rep Power
    880
    Reputation
    36714

    Default

    I am sorry and feel for you with your father in law. I have been with people when they passed, several times now, and it was not fun even though they went as peacefully as could be.
    I was VERY close to my father in law and was with him when he passed and that still brings me to tears when I think of it and that was 26 years ago. I cannot begin to think what it was like for your wife, his wife and sister. The cruelty and unfairness of this world never ceases to horrify and disgust me.

    You have been though an unimaginable amount of horrors. I don't know how you have coped and not gone nuts. I never cease to be amazed at the way some people cop everything and some seem to get off scott free. You also never find people have had one tradgety, they have had none or they have had a shitload. I do get annoyed with some people when in their 50's or later they loose a parent and carry on like the world has ended. Yes, it's terrible but Fk me, If that's all the grief I had by that stage of life I'd be the happiest Fker out there.

    Did you ever have any Counselling and did it do you any good? was there anything that gave you relief or comfort from your unimaginable and repeated experiences?

  • #11
    Administrator
    admin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Victoria
    Age
    56
    Posts
    31,150
    Thanks
    2,238
    Thanked 13,731 Times in 5,823 Posts
    Rep Power
    4552
    Reputation
    165805

    Default

    There is even more than that, but I have to draw a line on what I can publicly post. Some goes too personal of course. Unfortunately if you post to much on an open forum, it can be used against you and there are some that read here that delight in reporting my words to try and get me in trouble. The joys of the internet.

    Most has happened in the last 13 years, since I built a new house. Its probably on an old abo burial ground Within 6 months, I ####ed my back a beauty. Its not the first time, I did it bad in my 20's and was off work for 18 months. This time was just constant endless pain. From 2007 to maybe 2011 ?, I slept upright in a chair it was that bad. I was on 200 mg's of Opiod drugs for about 4 years, as an indication of that dosage a terminal cancer patient is on about the same at end stage. What they don't tell you, and it isn't to this day on the pamphlet in the box, is that high doses of opiods destroy your hormone system. Even funnier is Australian doctors dont seem to know this.

    So while totally wrecked with back pain and off my face 24/7, I started to get really ill. I thought I must have cancer or something, no energy, could hardly move. Weepy, teary. No one could find anything wrong. After about 3 months, I found a large lump in my chest behind and slightly off centre behind my right nipple. Ripper thinks me, surely this cant be good. Saw my GP who was alarmed and sent me immediately to a specialist who sent me for an immediate core biopsy which is an unpleasant large needle jammed in to the mass which rips a chunk out to be analysed. It was immediately sent off and within days I got the goods news....not malignant. Phew !!

    I asked the specialist what it was. He didnt know. No one was really interested, not malignant, move along. A few months later, its still there and bigger. Again looking for help from field specialists, no one knows what it is. Still feeling like I am about to kick the bucket. The simplest tasks would make me sweat so bad it looked like I just had a shower.

    Despite having no energy, lots of sweat, a ####ed back and 24/7 off my face I spent 2 full weeks researching my problem and compiling a list of possibles. In the end, I diagnosed my own problem. OIAD......Opiod Induced Androgen Deficiency. In a nutshell, high doses of opiod drugs destroy a males ability to produce testosterone. The lump under my nipple was female breast tissue forming, my testosterone level was so low that female hormones (males have a small amount) were overtaking the small amount of male hormones I had left.

    I presented my findings to my GP, who had never heard of it but agreed I was likely correct and sent me immediately to an Endocrinologist. He confirmed my diagnosis and told me that my body will never be able to produce a sufficient amount of hormones ever again even if I stopped taking opiods. I did a blood test and my level was in the low 8's, which is very low. I was prescribed Testosterone, which comes in a gel that you rub on your shoulders. I am on the disability support pension (from 2010) so was hoping that it would be covered under PBS as it costs $100 a month. To add insult to injury, its only covered under PBS if your level is UNDER 8. Mine was a touch over. So I now pay $1200 a year for it. I was furious at the lack of warning on Opiod drugs in relation to this, how many other blokes have gone through this ?
    I made an official complaint to the TGA (Therapeutic Goods Administration) who deal with this. They are part of the Department of Health. I sent them my whole story and they promised to look in to it

    Just looking back through my emails, I made the complaint in 2012. To this very day, Oxycontin (which I still take) has no warning whatsoever in regards to androgen deficiency. It makes you wonder why you bother doesn't it ? I also see that I made a complaint to my local MP in 2014 about the fact I shouldn't have to pay $1200 a year because there was no warning. They all just ignored me.

    I also had a 10 year fight with my council and insurance company over flooding. I cant reveal the result as I signed a confidentiality agreement, but that was also a very severe drain on me and its not something I would do again as its just not worth it health wise. Ironically, I am in fairly good physical health apart from my spine. I dont know how, but I am not complaining

    I could throw in at least another 3, maybe 4 horror stories but I am probably depressing people enough as it is and they are too personal to post. No, I have never had counselling of any kind. My wife has, after one appointment the (female possibly man hating) counselor told her to leave me as I am obviously the cause of all her issues. My wife didn't go back.

    Yeah, I dunno, different people handle different things in different ways. I am just immune now I think but possibly a bit fruitier than 10 years ago , but I do need a change of life and intend to make one by moving to a country area. Building a new house, we both intended to work to pay for it, since then my wife has had to work full time night shift to pay the mortgage as I cant work. Due to her working, I only get a pension of about $20-$40 a week. The good news is though that property values have increased a lot since then, so we can sell, pay out our mortgage and live a bit more stress free. And cheaper, I intend to spend a fair whack on my next place to make sure I have a minimum of bills.


    Anyway, thats a bit of a rant, I have an issue with large rather than small posts as well. Is there any particular reason you brought up this topic ? You mention it involved a chat with your doctor, potential surgery or something ? I hope not after what I have just said about health professionals and their incompetency. Professionals is a loose term, my wife was treated in emergency 2 years ago by a doctor with neck tatts.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to admin For This Useful Post:

    allover (08-12-19),best4less (10-01-20),enf (05-12-19),george65 (04-12-19),hinekadon (04-12-19),kclar (05-12-19),VroomVroom (05-12-19)

  • #12
    Administrator
    admin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Victoria
    Age
    56
    Posts
    31,150
    Thanks
    2,238
    Thanked 13,731 Times in 5,823 Posts
    Rep Power
    4552
    Reputation
    165805

    Default

    I didnt answer your last question

    Valium, Oxycontin, Panadeine Forte and Stilnox.

  • The Following User Says Thank You to admin For This Useful Post:

    hinekadon (04-12-19)

  • #13
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    2,251
    Thanks
    527
    Thanked 1,857 Times in 894 Posts
    Rep Power
    880
    Reputation
    36714

    Default

    I have lost a LOT of people in my life starting with my mother at 10, grandfather I lived with when I was 13, an aunt that cared for me after I lost my Mother, My Brother when I was 21, a few more significant people along the way till I lost my son 4.5 years ago. I was always an odd ball ( any wonder) but I'm not coping well with losing my son. That was the most horrific thing I have ever been through and is haunting me still badly. Having to turn off Life support and seeing the colour literally drain out of them is a horror beyond words.... But I think you unfortunately know that feeling and can relate to it too well.

    The crippling grief although still very much there, has given way to anxiety that is getting worse and really starting to affect me badly. I discussed my feelings fears with the Doc and it's pretty text book, I wonder if its not some sort of Post traumatic Syndrome although I haven't even looked that up to see what that encompasses. I have gone back on the crazy Pills, Anti depressants but they don't seem to have kicked in yet. I have been to a bunch of counsellors but although they have said I have made progress, I certainly don't feel it and frankly, can't see what they have done for me. Some have been better than others. They give advise and suggestions on how to deal with problems. Others like one Very professional and kindly seeming guy I saw for a year I felt was a waste of time. Go there, jabber away for 50 Min then come back next week. If he did give me any advise I don't remember it. I certainly remember asking and being told pat answers like only I knew what the best thing for me was and other crap. Could have gone to the pub and talked for an hour and might have only cost me a beer.

    Sarcastic as that is meant to be, it holds more truth than not. The most benefit I have got has been talking to other people. I spoke to a woman a few months after we lost our son at my fathers wrecking yard. Just a customer that came in and I was trying to help her and mentioned a sticker on her car. She told me it was in memory of her Daughter, Daisy, whom she had lost a few years earlier. She was just 3 YO. I spoke to that woman for a while and the things she said I still remember and have been more of a comfort and help in dealing with things than any " professional" about 100 times over. Another regular customer had come in and was talking to my father. I knew of him and he was always a smart arse. When I walked over to my Dad he asked what I was talking to the woman so long about. Before I could answer they guy made some bogan quip about wanting to root her. I lost my shit and pretty much chased the guy back to his car and unloaded on the moron. Dad asked what that was all about and I told him that I was talking to her about loosing my son and she was telling me about loosing her daughter.

    And that's been a thing with me ever since. I cried every day for over 3 years. I cried for my Brother whom was virtually the same age as my son when I lost him and my boy and still I don't know which one to cry for. I didn't handle loosing my brother well and that fked me up pretty good but loosing my son when they were so alike has been like loosing them both at once. I am -bemused- at the fact I can go from crying like a pathetic girl if I watch a sad movie ( and Why the fk are so many movies about loosing or potentially loosing kids?) but at the same time, I know I'm virtually lethal. I have had run ins with fkers sane people would do all they could not to antagonise but I have no fear any more. I'll stand up to anyone these days and I just don't give a shit. I have probably been real lucky in not getting the shit belted out of me and have been surprised at some of the people that have backed down from me. Maybe they realise anyone that takes them on isn't playing with the full deck and have taken pity. By the same token, I don't feel much pain any more. Had all my teeth out couple of years back and the dentist was telling me this isn't going to be good and nothing we can do about it. I brushed it off like it was nothing. He was amazed. I said to him, I have suffered real pain, that doesen't even come close mate. He thinks I'm not normal. He doesen't realise how correct he is.

    I always had a short fuse but in a lot of ways I am more patient now but then just snap. Of course I will stand down any fker out there but an hour later see or hear something that brings back memories and I'll be crying like a baby again. An hour after that, I'll be in a cold sweat with my heart pounding because the mrs told me we are going out to dinner next week with friends and can you find such and such for me as I want it. I freak at the most insignificant nothings but have no fear of what I should have.

    It's getting so I can't escape the fears, the memories or the pain. I feel completely fked a lot of days. I have diabetes but the Doc says that's not what's doing it, it's in my head. I argued, he shows me blood tests and says you could make some improvements but it's not going to change a thing about how you are feeling. I can't keep going on the way I am though. It's getting harder not easier and I'm sick of being useless and a charity case. Not about to off myself, certainly thought about it 1000 Times. The doc said the local university is always looking for people to work with in it's head shrinking department and I should call them up and see if they would be interested in taking me in on a program. Wife and I laughed. I have been told numerous times including by the top shrink in the country, they just don't come across people like me that have been though what I have. I said these kids will either be pulling out and going into Accountancy or they will be the best head shrinks out there if they can handle getting lumbered with me.

    I have a few interests and Love, or at least did, DIY particularly things like engines and Generators. A while after I lost my son I dragged out a " Toy" I hadn't played with for a few years. A HIGHLY lethal bit of gear when not handled with the utmost care. I didn't care one bit. I thought I'd let the universe decide if I should be here or not. I'd fire that thing up every day for an hour or 2 and play around with it with my fingers being literally MM away from absolute certain death with no possibility of survival and did that for a bit over a week. Things I would not have contemplated doing I did and I got away with it. I wasn't trying to kill myself but I sure as hell wasn't taking any precautions not to either. I play with Solar setups a lot now and people on forums are always going on about what I do being dangerous. HA! If I survived playing with that IMAG as careless as I was, my solar setups sure as hell aren't going to worry me when I'm being careful. And if Karma bites me for saying that, Ah well.

    As I said and am painfully aware of, there are things worse than death and I have learnt that too well too many times. The fact I am still here and my son and brother are not is a cruelty beyond measure. I'd have taken their place without hesitation. Still angry with the world it took them and left a bastard like me here.

    I guess I am here to do what I can to look after my wife and daughter and hopefully not be too much of a burden.... which I often am as much as I try not to be.

    I was interested in how other people have handled things and what worked for them in recovering. I want to get away from what I go through every day but in reality I'm getting more doubtful of that ever happening. I have said for a while now, If you drop a plate on the floor and smash it, don't matter how much superglue you have it's still Fked and that's exactly how I feel.

    Thanks for sharing your stories. It reminds me of another anecdote of mine I coined way back as a kid when I lost my mother... You can always find someone worse off than yourself and you don't have to look too far to find them. I came up with that one after I discovered a friend I'd known a while had lost both his parents and was being raised by his grandparents. Grieving for one is bad enough, loosing 2 people at once is still incomprehensible to me. I hope to hell I never go through that or I WILL end up in the rubber room or offing myself.
    We lost a friend to Cancer on Monday. Funeral is interstate in a couple of weeks. I have always held high importance on funerals as paying last respects but I don't know if I can do this one. Thinking about it now has me feeling sick to the stomach and I can feel my heart trying to make another escape attempt through my chest. Maybe the Crazy pills will have kicked in a bit by then and calmed me down. I do not like the things, they make me too numb but I couldn't handle feeling the way I was.

    I hope this post isn't too long. I get that often but no one can tell me what the correct length of a post should be. Some people just have short attention spans so if they want to read what I say, fine and if it's beyond their comprehension level, that's fine too. I read all your words more than once and again thanks for sharing your experiences. Can't be easy and I appreciate it.

    As for your new house, More than happy to talk to you about things to live comfortably and cheaply. I have a large house and use about 3 times the power of an average house and rarely pay over $250 a quarter for power. $100 of that of course is supply charges. I can tell you a lot about Solar and generator setups and how to get minimal bills without living like a scrooge. I couldn't give a rats backside about saving power, I'm all about making power so I can live very comfortably with all the reasonable luxuries and don't have to worry about power bills. :0)

    My holy grail would be to have a place with Running water. Have that all year round and you really have it made. Not easy to find here though. More opportunities in Qld though.

    Thanks again for relating your experiences. I sincerely hope your sea change brings about a much more positive and healthy future for you.

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to george65 For This Useful Post:

    admin (07-12-19),allover (08-12-19),best4less (10-01-20),kclar (05-12-19),VroomVroom (05-12-19)

  • #14
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    121
    Thanks
    121
    Thanked 32 Times in 21 Posts
    Rep Power
    173
    Reputation
    420

    Default

    Your description of the incompetence of the modern medical system just goes to show that it is a money making scheme, any positive health outcome is just luck.

  • #15
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    2,251
    Thanks
    527
    Thanked 1,857 Times in 894 Posts
    Rep Power
    880
    Reputation
    36714

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kclar View Post
    Your description of the incompetence of the modern medical system just goes to show that it is a money making scheme, any positive health outcome is just luck.
    I don't think there is any doubt of that.
    I couldn't count the number Of times a Doctor has said to me, " Well that didn't work, Lets try something else. " If that was the working ethos of a Car mechanic, you'd say they didn't know their job or were trying to scam you.

    As for Money making, Cost;s me over $200 a month for the poisons i'm on atm. Do I need them? I believe so. I regularly play with my own Meds and see how I feel not taking certain things and I feel worse every time. Blood tests show it too.
    There are some I have felt better without but I don't and won't take them anymore.

  • #16
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    121
    Thanks
    121
    Thanked 32 Times in 21 Posts
    Rep Power
    173
    Reputation
    420

    Default

    when a doctor discovers a cure to something they are quickly called a quack if they try to make money on there discovery. You may find
    this book helpful in dealing with your losses.

  • #17
    Administrator
    admin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Victoria
    Age
    56
    Posts
    31,150
    Thanks
    2,238
    Thanked 13,731 Times in 5,823 Posts
    Rep Power
    4552
    Reputation
    165805

    Default

    Wow, I am not quite sure what to say. Sorry to hear about your son would probably be a good start, as no parent wants to have to deal with that one. And I have no doubt that only time makes that one even bearable.

    I can see a number of similarities between ourselves.

    I don't take anti depressants, I tried them once didn't feel right so chucked them and soldiered on. While I know I am ok without them, my wife cannot function without them its as simple as that, finding the right ones is the problem most people have. All of them have side effects as well which makes it harder. My wife finally found the right ones and the right dosage in 2016 and has been good and fine since then. Prior to that, not good at all. The fact my wife works helps her immensely, having too much spare time and spending that spare time thinking too much about things doesn't help.

    Unfortunately with anti depressants, you will get " that doesn't work, we will try something else " from your doctor. That's simply because different ones work in different ways for different people and the odds are you wont get the right one the first or even second time. Obviously I don't know you personally, but it does sound like you could benefit from them. Finding the right dosage is also important as too little makes it pointless and too much renders you too tranquilized. If we hadn't sorted my wife's out once and for all I dare say we would have ended up divorced as I had enough I my plate without dealing with her having serious meltdowns.

    Having good friends is also important, people are a dime a dozen, good friends are not. I had a big clean out when I was in my 30's, I decided I had too many and that 90% were in fact not friends but associates. So I stopped seeing most. These days I realistically only have 2 friends, one a friendship of 37 years and other of 28 years. So you could say I don't make or break friendships too much.

    I think, very importantly, if you have a good GP and are happy with him, stick with him and work with him. There are more crap doctors than good ones out there these days and even when we do eventually move, we will still come back down here once a month for doctors appointments (unless its some sort of emergency of course). Other than all the above, I cant really offer much other than you have to battle on and yes, you are right - there are people worse off. That's the philosophy I tend to follow - I am warm in winter, cool in summer, have a nice house and apart from having what in this day and age is a small mortgage, basically no debt. Unfortunately life has a tendency to not always go the way we want but you just have to roll with it as best you can.

    Appreciate the offer on solar, I do currently have an 8kw grid connected system since 2015 that gives me a zero power bill so definitely have no plans for paying for electricity when we move either. As part of the joys of my father in laws death, I also have to maintain 38 acres for my widowed mother in law. The property is off grid and tank water. There is nothing quite like a 500 km round trip to mow her lawn for her I must say...yet she has another daughter, with a husband who live 20 minutes away from her that do nothing for her (bar try to steal her money). Her solar expired not long after my father in law as he left no instructions for it and didn't ever show her anything so the lead acid batteries croaked. Love the bloke, but hate his leave it for someone else to clean up the mess attitude.......we have only just finished dealing with it 3 years after his death. I wouldn't allow another lead acid system as I know she would not maintain it and it would fall on me and we would have to go there twice as much as we do now.

    Here is a pic as it would no doubt interest you as its reasonably new.



  • The Following User Says Thank You to admin For This Useful Post:

    lsemmens (08-12-19)

  • #18
    Senior Member

    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    2,251
    Thanks
    527
    Thanked 1,857 Times in 894 Posts
    Rep Power
    880
    Reputation
    36714

    Default

    I had the medical merry o round with anti depressants after we lost our son. Some of them literally nearly Killed me. I was given one and was told we'll give you 150 Mg which is the standard dose and maybe up it from there but first seeing you get bad reactions with itching, we'll start you on 25 Mg and come back in a week. I took ONE of those tablets and slept for the beast part of 4 Days. I'm a big lump with a High metabolism and usually stuff bounces right off me. This stuff..... Pretty sure I would have never woken up if I took the 150 Mg.
    I later saw the guy held to be the leading shrink in the country ( at $400 to 40 Min, he'd want to know something!) and when I told him I had been given these things he went into orbit.
    He agreed that the 150 dosage may well have killed me. Tablet of last resort for Psychotics he said. Seemed also surprised the chemist had them and filled the script.

    He recommended some other tablets my Diabetes guy prescribed some time before but I never took. He gave me samples and I thought not this shit again so never took them. At the shrinks encouragement I did and they were much better than anything else I had been given. Everything else gave me a hell of a fog and I felt stupid. Couldn't think, couldn't remember things I knew like instinct and felt nothing other than being a zombie. These ones I am on now are much better, none of that but still some Numbness. Still after a week getting the panic attacks to a minor degree but not so much anxiety.

    Was at a friends house the other night staring down a Bushfire and trying to help him save his Home. Firey said I don't want to panic you guys and don't loose your shit on me but this could be real bad. It dawned on me that I was actually cool as a cucumber in the face of real adversity and danger yet thinking I might forget to put the bins out has had me shitting myself.
    Yep, nothing wrong with me! Fire turned out to do more good than harm so was beyond best outcome fortunately.

    I think you are spot on about having too much time but by the same time, occupying oneself when one has less than zero Motivation is difficult. Doc insists the depression rather than anything physical is making me tired. Also makes it hard to do things when you get up feeling like you have been run over.

    I think All I can do is keep coming back to things when I feel like it and maybe one day I'll break though and be able to get on the horse again.

    You term people like I do, associates. I had a very good friend that about 18 Months ago after 25 Years of CLOSE friendship, decided for reasons I have no idea, to sever all ties with my family. He and I were like Brothers, he was a sister to my wife and another father to my kids especially my daughter. He was the first one to hold her when she came out the delivery room. Always been the apple of his eye and vice versa. I have pulled him out of endless shit so many times. Live with us a year when his wife did the dirty on him and I got him a job and put him on his feet. He was there with us when they switched off my sons life support which I thought would have counted for something.

    He took up with this new woman who is typical of the ones he gets, selfish insecure nutters worse than me that want him all to themselves. First he cut off his father and brother then us shortly thereafter. Got so say I would have never seen that coming and would have given my life for his which would have turned out to be a mistake. I thought if anything happened to me he would be there for my family. Another gross misjudgement on my part apparently. Don't know what we did, just one day wouldn't answer calls or messages and that was it.

    I have a very strong feeling one day in the distant future, He'll wake up or she will attack him with a Knife or something and I'll get a call. Don't know wether I'll take it or just tell him to fluck off. Not even so disappointed in him for my sake but he pretty much broke my daughters heart and she certainly never did anything to him other than idolise him and he certainly hurt my wife as well. The new woman has a daughter and before we were cut off he told us she didn't like him carrying my daughters picture in his wallet as he had since she was born and used to say he always would so I guess there is something there. I can't respect a man that won't stand up for himself and as strung out as I have been and still am, my wife jokes that I have never stopped being a disagreeable mongeral and standing my ground with her... usually when I should listen to better sense.

    I try not to think about this too much. I was a bit angry at first, now I'm just really disappointed. Maybe more at my own poor judgement of people than anything else. I can't believe that anyone who was by my side, and he made great efforts and sacrifice to be there for me at such an unimaginable time of our lives can just forget that and all the other things we have been through together and let some woman he's barely known a year put an end to the bond I mistakenly thought we had.

    Like you I don't make friends easy and TBH, I don't want a lot of friends. I have a couple of people that I feel I can rely on and talk to and that's enough. I try to be a good friend but I also rarely ring anyone. I'll go see them but I just don't like ringing people for some reason.


    After my recent attempt to find a local doc and then traveling to see the guy I like, I was left wondering WTF did I even bother for? When I saw him the other day it came up I had been to see someone else at his suggestion and it was the first bad advise he had ever given me and I'd be coming to his home when he finally retired. I just like the guy. He's straight forward, tells me a few impolite home truths to get the message across when he has to and I walk out of there feeling like I want to look after myself, not like I want to go punch a wall in frustration that these other clowns make me feel. This touchy feely overly polite approach a number I have seen round here seem to have, puts my normally good blood pressure through the roof!

    The thing with your mother in law's other daughter 20 Min away that won't do a thing..... How many times have I heard that before? I don't understand how people can be like that. No, I didn't talk to my own father for over 10 years but at least I told him civilly and politely I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. He was responsible for that in his actions so it wasn't all one sided. Since the day he rang and told me he had regrets and was sorry for what had happened, I drop everything and do what I can for him. I think it's a sons/daughters job unless you don't want a relationship with them in any way. I have NEVER asked for money from him even when I didn't have 2 Bob in my pocket. He mocked me when I said I'd buy him a House earlier this year and got a shock when he realised I could. I gave him grief for being an ungrateful bastard to my wife who was prepared to put a roof over his head being what we did with our money wasn't all my decision. He has a house and is pretty well off but in pondering selling his house in the country and moving to Sydney, Suffice to say like most people, he would have come up somewhat short as property values are nothing anywhere else like they are here.


    I can see how having an offgrid system would be difficult for a mature person that never had anything to do with it. I'll bet your MIL won't hear of moving off her 38 acres. My father is the same. Goes on about not wanting neighbours even though the house next door is probably less than 40M away from his. Both his neighbours are morons that give him grief but he seems to think that anywhere he goes would have neighbours he couldn't stand. Keep telling him, not everyone is a mongeral and the chances are you'd be more of a pain in the arse to them then they would to you and there is also a good chance you'd come across some nice people you could be good friends with and would help you when you needed it.

    I would like to see him in another place for his benefit and my own selfish reasons. It would be easier to see him 100 or 10 Km away and his house holds a lot of memories of my boy being there. There are things there he did I see every time and that doesn't' do my panic attacks or anxiety much good either. I'll ring my father tomorrow night and have the annual argument about him coming down here for Christmas and him telling me he's fine on his own up there or going to the housekeepers place. I tell him the neighbours here are no closer than his and are real nice people he'd get on with and there are more Sheep and cattle round here than his place AND the town is about 1/4 the size. He'll tell me he doesn't like sydney and I'll remind him I'm not in Sydney, just 350 KM closer than he is and he'll never know hes not at home if we come down at night.

    I know Kids are hard work but are they as hard work as parents are?
    He can't claim Revenge, I was raised by my grandparents!

  • #19
    Premium Member

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    3,688
    Thanks
    1,938
    Thanked 2,104 Times in 1,050 Posts
    Rep Power
    967
    Reputation
    32468

    Default

    I think you two have trumped the conversation, no one else is game to post after what you both have been thru
    Wish you both the best, and am sure i can say that on behalf of all members
    There is a fine line between "Hobby" and "Madness"

  • The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to allover For This Useful Post:

    admin (10-12-19),enf (08-12-19)

  • #20
    Premium Member

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    3,688
    Thanks
    1,938
    Thanked 2,104 Times in 1,050 Posts
    Rep Power
    967
    Reputation
    32468

    Default

    Admin, if you can get your self to read the left wing AGE today, page 13, an article re Shannon Noll and back pain and fusions, not the atomic type
    There is a fine line between "Hobby" and "Madness"

  • Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •