When I was a teenager, I used to pray every night that the girl next door would fancy me so that I could make love to her.
When I grew up, I realised that God didn't work like that, so I raped her and prayed for forgiveness.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Last edited by irritant; 26-11-16 at 10:59 PM. Reason: Change to a funnier one
Hot Work !!
A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica .
They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..'
So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them,
being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!'
Watson walks in on Sherlock having sex with a really young looking girl.
Watson: "Jeeez, Sherlock! She's pretty young.. She looks like she's in high school!"
Sherlock: "Elementary, my dear Watson."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Is that your contribution to Schoolies mateOriginally Posted by enf
Last edited by ol' boy; 27-11-16 at 09:52 AM.
If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!
Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, angry, short tempered, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press.
Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Last edited by irritant; 29-11-16 at 02:48 AM. Reason: Add
Last edited by irritant; 29-11-16 at 02:47 AM. Reason: Add
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options.
One was an Alcoholic, one was a Chain-Smoker, and one was a Homosexual.
The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the beer, could not stop himself.
His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.
No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar,and fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words.
As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt on the ground, still burning...
The Homosexual looked at the Chain-Smoker and said,
"You know if you bend over to pick that up,we're both f..kin dead."
Friend 1: What do you think of life?
Friend 2: My dick.
Friend 1: Yes, you are right. It's too short
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks