I met a fairy today who granted me one wish.
"I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."
"Fine," I said, "I want to die when Collingwood win the AFL Premiership."
"You crafty c*nt," said the fairy.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
What do you call a Russian sex-change specialist who specializes in penis removal (penectomy)?
Dr Katyakokov
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute, then: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Mathematics:
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly ..... mathematical viewpoint... and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.
Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Have you ever seen a better explanation than this formula?…………..
.......................how true it is.....
I'm really worried about my parrot. He keeps saying, "I can't go on, I hate my life".
My room-mate's too selfish to notice. He just sits there crying.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Last edited by irritant; 17-12-16 at 02:45 AM. Reason: Replace
Last edited by cmangle; 17-12-16 at 03:20 PM.
irritant (17-12-16)
The average person has sex 127 times a year.
WOW! The rest of December is going to be f*cking awesome.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Today, I was a little bored, so I decided to play God.
I saw a bug, suffering. I watched it for a couple of minutes. Then I kept watching, and watching, and watching..........
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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