A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, "The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is."
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.
She replies, "The bigger they are, the dumber the man is."
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother "Daddy is talking to the
silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Doritos 2016 Superbowl Ad...
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Two women were sitting talking about their family history, when they both began to get tears in their eyes about their grandparents who died in WWII.
The Jewish lady says: "My grandmother vas gassed in Auschwitz, in 1943."
The German lady says: "My grandfazer died in Auschwitz too."
The Jewish lady asks: "But vhy, vas he Jewish?"
To which the German lady answers: "Nein, he got drunk and fell out of ze guard-tower."
Last edited by irritant; 31-12-16 at 06:13 PM.
The Importance of Water
Interview with a 101 year-old Hattie Mae MacDonald from Kentucky
Reporter: Can you give us some tips for reaching the age of 101?
Hattie: For better digestion I drink beer.
In the case of appetite loss I drink white wine.
For low blood pressure I drink red wine.
In the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch.
And when i have a cold I drink Schnapps.
Reporter: When do you drink water?
Hattie: I've never been that sick.
SS Dave
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'
The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'
'Can you give us an example?'
'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested..'
So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
'Honour thy Father and Mother.'
'Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested.'
Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
'I have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said
'Thou shall not steal.'
'Not steal? We're not interested.'
Then He went to the French and said,'I have Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said,
'Thou shall not commit adultery.'
'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'
Finally, He went to the Hebrew Jews and said,
'I have Commandments..'
'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'
'They're free.'
'We'll take 10.'
There. That, should piss off just about everybody.....
In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated and the wife has gone off to her mum's.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Recently a man noticed his credit card had been stolen, but, he decided not to report it.
The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.
I got really angry with my sat nav today. I yelled at it "Go to hell!"
Half an hour later, I ended up at my mother-in-law’s house.
5 key things to keep in mind if you seek a good relationship:
1. She cooks, cleans, and has a job.
2. She has a sense of humour to make you smile and laugh.
3. She is an honest woman you can trust with your life.
4. She is great in bed and loves spending time with you.
5. Never let these 4 women meet one another.
Last edited by irritant; 01-01-17 at 08:17 PM.
Hint: conjunctivitis = pinkeye
Banned
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I can't believe there's so many dumb people out there who still believe that Santa exists.
They're so stupid that they can't realize that he's a fictitious character made-up just for profit.
God forgive them......
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks