Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

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    Last edited by irritant; 02-02-17 at 08:51 PM.
    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    So, Donald Trump has chosen Mickey Pence as his vice-president....

    ....not even Walt Disney could've imagined that one day Donald and Mickey would be running America!!
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I was at a job interview today.
    The interviewer said to me, "On your CV, it says that you are a man of mystery."
    I said, "That's correct."
    He said, "Would you like to elaborate?"
    I said, "No."

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    What do you call a surprised Chinese man?

    Ho Lee Fuk

    What do you call a dumb Chinese prostitute?

    Wun Dum Ho

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    Is it safe to assume the driver is blonde . . .


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    A boy comes home from school jubilant about being able
    to join the school football team,
    As he walks inside, the father says, how did it go today son!.
    The boy replies, great dad, they said that they would give me
    a run on Saturday, and pull me off at half time.

    The father replies, hell shit , in my day all we got were oranges.!!!

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    the other day , a mate came around , we were sitting under the tree of knowledge , having a beer or 2 ,

    me mate looks at me Dog laying near us licking his Dik ,,
    and he say's , bloody hell , wish i could do that ...

    i just looked at him , and said ..

    well fair enough , but be careful , he may bite ya ....

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    My wife accused me of being a transvestite..

    So I packed her things and left.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    TRUMP:

    "You're not listening, you pathetic excuse for a Prime Minister.... I said it's a dumb deal... NOT a done deal."

    Click

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    Last edited by irritant; 03-02-17 at 04:07 PM.
    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    I went for a walk on the weekend and saw this muslim splashing about in the middle of the pond shouting, "I can't swim! I can't swim!"

    "It's alright, mate," I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, "It says no swimming anyway".
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    L. Ron Hubbard, using his Hubbard electrometer, determined that tomatoes "scream when sliced"....

    .....he later went on to found the Church of Scientology so that he could experiment on other vegetables.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    What if, . . . "Who's Line is it Anyway?" . . . had run in the US during Disco Days?


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    That show should be banned outright, especially during meal times! I thought it had been on air far longer than that (First aired 1998).
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    Cheers, Tiny
    "You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can't make them think? If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
    The information is out there; you just have to let it in."

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    Quote Originally Posted by lsemmens View Post
    That show should be banned outright, especially during meal times! I thought it had been on air far longer than that (First aired 1998).
    1988 it first aired in the UK!

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    I was on the train home last night when this absolutely stunning, long legged woman came into the compartment, I couldn't keep my eyes off her.

    She looked at me, frowned, and said "What are you looking at"?

    I said "Six to eight years, depending on how much you struggle"!
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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