Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #5721
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    Son: "Dad, whats the difference between a pussy and a c*nt?"

    Me: "hmmmm..OK..follow me." We walked up the hallway into the bedroom where his mother was asleep.

    I slowly pulled back the blanket and pointed "See that? That's a pussy..."

    Son: "Can I touch it?"

    Me: "NO!! Certainly not!. If you touch it then the c*nt'll wake up!"
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    We've all been there, a long road trip with the missus

    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    One of the big differences between American English and UK English is that the Americans tend to drop the letter U from certain words like colour and honour.

    Bnch of stpid fcking cnts they really are hey?
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    "I-90 will be closed tomorrow across South Dakota . They are hauling a 200 ton lump of coal so they can add Obama to Mount Rushmore . They couldn't find a 200 ton piece of $h!t."



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    I was at the doctors the other day , and he said "I've good news and bad news."

    Me "Whats the good news?"

    Doctor "The good news is they are naming a syndrome after you ."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A group of scientists one day decided to cut open the heads of a dead German, Japanese guy and a dead blonde, to see what goes on inside their heads and what makes them so different.

    They first open the German's head - inside they see gears everywhere, it looks like the inside of a Swiss watch, extremely impressive. They decide to close the lid and go on to the Japanese guy.

    They open the Japanese guy's head - inside are complex circuit boards and vast electronics, it looks like a computer inside, with chipsets galore. Very impressed by this, they decide to close his lid and move on to the blonde.

    Upon opening the blonde's head, they find nothing, only a single wire running from one side of the head to the other. Extremely fascinated by this, and equally stumped by the purpose of the wire, they realize the only way they will find out what it does is to cut it and see what happens.

    So, one guy gets the sidecutters and they cut the wire. As soon as they do so, the two ears on either side of the blonde's head fall off.
    Last edited by irritant; 13-03-17 at 11:13 PM.
    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.

    "A divorce" she replied.

    "Oh!" I said "I wasn't going to spend that much."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    This store actually has the below item for those that delve in time travel, currently out of stock & not available for purchase.

    EB Enterprises - Flux Capacitor
    Line: EB | Part # 121G



    EB Enterprises - Flux Capacitor
    Line: EB | Part # 121G
    1.21 Gigawatts
    DETAILED DESCRIPTION
    Time Travel at your own RISK!!!
    Plutonium is required to properly operate Flux Capacitor.
    Plutonium is used by the on-board nuclear reactor which then powers the Flux Capacitor to provide the needed 1.21 Gigawatts of Electrical Power.
    Plutonium not Available at O'Reilly Auto Parts. Please contact your local supplier.
    Flux Capacitor requires the stainless steel body of the 81-83 DeLorean DMC-12, V6 2.9L , to properly function.
    Once the time machine travels at 88 mph (142 km/h), light coming from the flux capacitor pulses faster until it becomes a steady stream of light. Then, time travel begins.
    Upgrade Kits available: Part # 121GMF
    Non-Functional Item Displayed For Entertainment Purposes Only
    ADDITIONAL DETAILS
    Material Compatibility: Plutonium
    Maximum Power: 1.21 Gigawatts
    Working Speed (mph): 88 mph
    Cheers, Tiny
    "You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can't make them think? If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
    The information is out there; you just have to let it in."

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    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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    True freedom is the greatest gift a man can possess, yet is the one thing most easily and innocently given away, to crafty curses and binds cleverly disguised as blessings and gifts, in the pursuit of supposed achievement, status and power.

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