A long interview just appeared featuring Dracula's lifestyle in the Daily Mail.
And yet, he didn't appear in The Mirror OR The Sun.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
"Trying to find your lost phone after you set the ringer to silent."
or in case you cant get the youtube vid . . .
I saw my young daughter crying over her homework yesterday.
I said: "Talk to me baby. A problem shared is a problem halved."
Unfortunately her problem was fractions so she didn't have a f*cking clue what I was talking about.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Hassan and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of Sydney.
Habib begs just as long as Hassan but only collects $2 to $3 every day.
Hassan brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Habib says to Hassan, 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 notes every day?'
Hassan says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say ?'
Habib's sign reads; 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.
Hassan says, 'No wonder you only get $2- $3 !'
Habib says... 'So what does your sign say ?'
Hassan shows Habib his sign....
It reads: 'I only need another $10 to move back to Pakistan.'
In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated and the wife has gone off to her mum's.
The Pope was having a shower. Although he's very strict about celibacy he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the Papal wrist,
and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax he saw a
photographer taking a picture of the Holy seed flying through the air.
'Hold on a minute!', said the Pope, 'You can't do that - you'll destroy the reputation of the Church!'
'This is my big lottery win,' said the photographer, 'I'll be financially secure for life with these photos!
' So the Pope offered to buy the camera from the photographer.
After much negotiation they eventually settled on a figure of 2,000,000 Euros.
The Pope clothed himself and headed off to destroy the images on the camera.
Along the vast Vatican hallways he bumped into his personal housekeeper.
Being a bit of a photography buff she noticed the camera and said,
'That looks like a really expensive digital SLR camera,how much did it cost you?'
Not being one to lie the Pope replied,'... two million Euros...'
'TWO MILLION EUROS!' replied the housekeeper.
'They must have seen you coming!'
I always enjoyed a cigarette after a good meal.
Thanks to the wifes culinary skills I quit.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I was feeling depressed and unhappy at work this morning. To relieve the blues I poured a large bottle of industrial bleach over the muslim Somali who works in the mail room.
That certainly lightened Mahmood.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I was unsure where to post this,
A new scam targeting older men:
Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.
A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, or even K-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.
Over the last month, I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.
Here’s how the scam works:
Two nice looking, college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It’s impossible not to look.) When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead, ask for a ride to McDonald’s.
You agree, and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet was stolen May 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 29th. Also June 1st, 4th, 8th, twice on the 16th &17th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.
K-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought them out in three of their stores. Also, you never get to eat at McDonald’s. I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe’s to Home Depot, to K-Mart.
So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)
In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated and the wife has gone off to her mum's.
Paddy and Murphy, come across a girl who's bike has a flat tyre. Murphy leaves Paddy to help her and goes on his way.
A few minutes later Paddy passes Murphy on the girl's bike.
"What the f*ck happened"? asks Murphy.
"Well, I fixed her bike and be jaysus she takes her knickers off, lies on the ground and says, take what you want big boy! So I took the bike.''
"Good on ya" says Murphy, ''I'm sure the f*ckin knickers wouldn't fit ya anyway"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
irritant (17-06-17)
I was up early yesterday morning. After a bit, the wife came out yawning.
"Is that coffee I smell?" she asked.
"It is and you do." I answered.
I'm hoping the machines can keep me alive long enough to fully recover.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The mood has brightened considerably this afternoon near Grenfell Towers as locals left their English classes.
Word of the day was 'compensation'.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Girl: What color are my eyes?
Guy: 36C
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