Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Tragedy in Las Vegas at the Jason Aldean concert.

    On the other hand, 59 of the 22,000 fans got to meet Tom Petty.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Doctor, my wife claims that I act and think like I'm a dog!

    Ok, well, lie down on the couch and let's have a talk about it then!

    Sorry Doc, I'm not allowed on the couch!
    Cheers, Tiny
    "You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can't make them think? If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
    The information is out there; you just have to let it in."

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I found someone’s wallet today, and as a good Christian I thought, 'What would Jesus do?'

    So I turned it into wine.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    3 drunk guys entered a taxi . The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd guy knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Almost all serial killers are men.

    It's because women prefer to kill one man slowly over many many years..........
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Quote Originally Posted by enf View Post
    Tragedy in Las Vegas at the Jason Aldean concert.

    On the other hand, 59 of the 22,000 fans got to meet Tom Petty.
    So any truth to the rumour he was doing a cover of Pink Floyd's "Run Like Hell" at the time?
    Cheers
    Ted (Al)

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    A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy.
    She walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
    The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
    The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
    The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
    The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different.
    You didn't tell me you had a prescription.”
    In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
    The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated and the wife has gone off to her mum's.

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    The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex..

    Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

    The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

    Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,

    "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

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    Three men with speech impediments are in therapy.

    The therapist is blonde, petite and pretty. She says, "If you can tell me where you live, without stuttering, I'll give you a blow job!"

    First one stammers, "BBBirmingham." The next one, "MMManchchester"

    The third one stands up, composes himself, and says, "London."

    She gets his cock out, and gives him the best blowjob he has ever had.

    As he climaxes, he sighs, "...ddderry!"
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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