A biker walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be more than ten thousand dollars in it.. He approaches the bartender and asks,> 'What's with the money in the jar?
'Well...you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Harley.'
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. And so he asks, 'What are the three tests?'
'You must pay first. Those are the rules,' says the bartender.
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.
'Okay,' the bartender says, 'Here's what you need to do: First - You have to drink a whole quart of Tequila, in a minute or less, and you can't make a face while doing it. Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands. Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who has never had sex. You have to take care of that problem!'
The man is stunned. 'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an XXXXX! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things.'
'Your call,' says the bartender, 'but, your money stays where it is.'
As time goes on and the man has a few more drinks, he finally says, 'Where's the damn tequila?'
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks ... but he doesn't make a face and he does it in fifty-eight seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door, where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon the people inside the bar hear growling, biting and screaming sounds...then nothing but silence.
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped open and there are scratches and he's bleeding all over his body.
He says, 'Now where's that old woman with the bad tooth?'
You can learn alot using Google, and the search button.....
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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Was it that norty? I wanna see!
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
An elderly bloke was invited to an old mate's home for dinner one evening.
As they were sitting at the dinner table, he was amazed at how his mate preceded every request to his missus with endearing terms such as: "Darling, Honey, My Love, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, etc."
The couple had been married almost 50 years, and clearly, they were still very much in love.
When the missus went back to the kitchen to get more beers for the blokes, the old bloke leaned over to his mate and said: "I think it's amazing that, after all these years, you still call your missus those loving pet names."
The old bloke hung his head: "I have to tell you the truth," he said. "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago."
"And, I'm scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is."
After my recent Prostate Exam, which was the most thorough I've
ever had,
the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in.
As she shut the door, She asked me a question I didn't want to hear.
She said; "Who Was That Guy?”
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Concerning prostate exams . . .
1) Do they all have such long fingers?
2) What's with the running head start?
3) I didn't know the prostate was so far in?
4) How come when I went to put my pants back on, the doctors pants were on the chair right along side mine?
Last edited by cmangle; 01-05-18 at 06:50 PM.
A possible solution cmangle...?
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Breaking news: due to the current economic climate and in an effort to reduce excessive electricity usage, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.
A group of pregnant women recently attended a pre-natal class along with their husbands. The group's leader spoke up and said: "Thank you all for coming, and a special thank you to our husbands who decided to join us. Your support is really important to your wives during this time, as pregnancy is a journey you actually both walk together."
In a sharp and witty segue, she continues "Speaking of walking fellas..."
"It would actually do the both of you a lot of good if you regularly took walks together and got regular exercise, as it not only keeps her fit and at optimum health during her pregnancy, but as you do it together, it is one of the greatest forms of support you would be able to give her."
The men all sat quietly as they pondered this information. Then the group leader said: "Any questions?"
A moment of silence passed until one gentleman raised his hand and asked: "Ma'm, I just wish to ask...would it be all right...on these walks with my wife...if she were to carry a set of golf clubs whilst walking?"
That level of sensitivity and dedication to a wife's needs just cannot be taught.
Power outage
Can't believe it...last Saturday we had an unscheduled power outage. On a Saturday! No footy (no TV), no games, and no PC, and to top it, it was raining outside.
So, I had no other choice, to keep me occupied I had to sit and talk to the wife...
...she seems like a nice person!
The teacher asked "What is sex?"
Johnny stood up and said: "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation where a boy sticks his location into a girls destination to increase the population of the next generation. Did you get my explanation? Or do you need a demonstration?"
The teacher fainted.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months."
Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"
Little Johnny raised his hand and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex AFTER marriage a cos or a tan?
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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