What do you call an Englishman holding the world cup?
The engraver.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
My wife and I had so many arguments about having a baby.
I wanted one for a about five years, she wanted to keep the little bugger for ever!.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
I was trying to explain reincarnation to the wife yesterday .
I said "Some people, especially in eastern cultures, believe that when you die you come back to earth as a completely different kind of animal ".
She replied "So I could say, come back as a cow?"
Sigh! "You're not listening are you?"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Subject: 2+2+2=7
Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully.
If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.
If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!!!
A very angry Teacher: Where in the hell do you get seven from?!?!?
Johnny: Because,....I've already got a f@#$in' cat !!!
The guy who wrote Hokey Pokey died last week.
It took ages to get him in the coffin.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!
If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!
If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Fifteen logical reasons why some men have dogs and not wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.
4. Dogs' parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: “If I died, would you get another dog?”
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.
11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.
12. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don't lick 'em.
13. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.
14. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
15. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.
To verify these statements: Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.
Then open the door, and observe who's happy to see you!
The doorbell rang. I opened the door...
"Good morning sir! Would you be willing to take part in a 10 minute opinion poll?"
"Sorry mate, I can't. My opinion isn't home right now, she's at work."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The frequency of sexual activity of senior males depends on where they were born.
Statistics just released from Statistics Canada and The United Nations reveal that:
North American, Australian, New Zealander and British men between 60 and 80 years of age, will on average, have sex two to three times per week, (and a small number a lot more), whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.
This has come as very upsetting news to both me and most of my buddies at the golf club, as none of us had any idea that we were Japanese.
A new study from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem found that between 1973-2011, the sperm count of men in Australia, Europe, New Zealand, and North America dropped by as much as 60%!
While that stat is alarming, there's something very odd about it: I dont know about the rest of you but Im doing my part fair suck of the sav mate I cant be expected to handle all the pussy in the country
No man is completely worthless.
You can always serve as a bad example at the very least.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Reaching the end of a job interview, I asked asked the young kid fresh out of University, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
Kid: "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
Me: "Hmmmmm. Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 other paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a new Mustang?"
The kid sat straight up: "Wow! Are you kidding?"
Me: "Yeah I am, but you f*cking started it."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Looks like he proved those wrong who say he's untethered.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
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