Man to gym instructor: Which machine do I use to impress women?
Gym instructor: Try the ATM across the road!
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Man to gym instructor: Which machine do I use to impress women?
Gym instructor: Try the porche across the road!
hazman (22-07-18)
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, "Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me.
Every Evening, She Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men.
In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her!
I'm Going Crazy.
What Do You Think I Should Do?"
"Relax," Says The Doctor,
"Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down.
Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry's Bar?"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A woman went shopping. At the cash counter, she opened her purse to pay.
The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.
He could not control his curiosity and asked,
"Do you always carry your TV remote with you?😕"
She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me shopping today because of football match, so I took the remote."
*Moral: Accompany and support your wife in her hobbies.....*🙍🙍
The story continues....😏
The cashier laughed and then returned all the items that lady had purchased.
Shocked at this act, she asked the cashier what he was doing.
He said, "your husband has blocked your credit card..........
*MORAL: Always respect the hobbies of your husband.*😒
Story continues....
Wife took out her husband's credit card from purse and swiped it. Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
*Moral: Don't underestimate the power and wisdom of your WIFE..*🤗
Story continues...
After swiping, the machine indicated, 'ENTER THE PIN SENT TO YOUR MOBILE PHONE'.......😲
*Moral: When a man tends to lose, the machine is smart enough to save him!*😀
Story continues....
She smiled to herself and reached out for the mobile which rang in her purse.
It was her husband's phone showing the forwarded SMS.
She had taken it with the remote control so he doesn't call her during her shopping.
She bought her items and returned home happily.
*Moral: Don't underestimate a desperate woman!*😚
Story continues....
On getting home, his car was gone.😈
A note was pasted on the door
"Couldn't find the remote. Gone out with the boys to watch the premiership match. Will be home late.
Call me on my phone if you need something".😇
Damn... He left with the house key too.😶
*Moral: Don't try to control your husband.🤐
You will always lose
I saw a job advertised in The Canberra Times as a fanny waxers assistant. Job includes removing ladies knickers, prepare fanny for waxing and rub in oil after waxing.
When I asked about the job at Centrelink, they said I had to go to Sydney.
When I asked why, they said "that's where the back of the f*cking queue is!"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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