I stopped by the Ford dealership yesterday, for a look at the new 2018 F-150 aluminium pickup.
Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new truck "feel" before they become old.
The salesperson (a nice looking lady wearing a "RESIST" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat next to me,
describing the truck and all its' "wonderful" options.
The seats were of particular interest.
She explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the in the summer heat.
I mentioned that this must be a LIBERAL truck.
Looking a bit angry, she asked why I thought it was a LIBERAL truck
.
"I explained that if it were a GREENS or a LABOUR truck, the seats would just blow Hot air up your arse all year-round!"
I had to walk back to the dealership but it was worth it...
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A bloke goes to Sydney Council to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”
He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
“Have you ever served in the military?”
“Yes.” he says. “I was in Iraq for two years.”
The interviewer says, “That will give you five extra points towards employment.” Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The bloke says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.”
The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You are a disabled ex-serviceman, you have enough points for me to hire you right now.”
“Our normal hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 AM, plan on starting at 10:00 AM every day.”
The bloke is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 AM?”
“This is a Council job,” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”
Last edited by hinekadon; 26-11-18 at 07:20 PM. Reason: more
Irony
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
LIVE AND LEARN!
I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 77.
I'm so happy, because I live at number 71.
So it's not too far to walk home afterwards.
And it's the same side of the street.
I don't even have to cross the road!
~~~~~
Answering machine message,
"I am not available right now,
But thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the beep.
If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes."
~~~~~
My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.
~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
~~~~~
Blessed are those who can
Give without remembering
And take without forgetting.
~~~~~
The irony of life is that,
By the time you're old enough
To know your way around,
You're not going anywhere.
~~~~~
God made man before woman
So as to give him time
To think of an answer
For her first question.
~~~~~
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
~~~~~
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
~~~~~
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
~~~~~
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Last year I found a Genie in a bottle.
“What would you like, a bigger penis or a better memory?" asked the Genie.
F*cked if I can remember what happened next.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Peter woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Mary," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete fool of yourself.”
“You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the Chairman of the company, right to his face."
"He's an arsehole," Peter said. "I could piss on him."
"You did," came the reply.
"And he fired you."
"Well, #### him," said Peter.
"I did," said Mary.
"That's why you're back at work on Monday."
Christmas is coming so be extra careful on the roads as quite a lot of guys will be having a few drinks and letting their wives drive.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note saying, -
"I've had enough and left you, don't bother coming after me." and hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom, she could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone -
"She's finally gone ... yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to pick you up, put on the sexy French shit, I love you".
He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote;
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
How can you tell when a set of bagpipes is out of tune?
You can hear someone playing them.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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