The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I'm not that happy about it, but I have a new job where I greet people and have to say very cheerfully, "Welcome to PC world !"
It's at the airport welcoming new immigrants into this country.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
Man Killed on Golf Course
A foursome of guys was waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women was hitting from the women's tee.
The ladies were not rushing and were taking their time.
When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it ten feet.
Then she went over and whiffed it completely.
Then she hacked it another ten feet and finally hacked it another five feet.
She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said apologetically,
"I guess all those f~cking lessons I took over the winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately responded, "Well, there you have it.
You should have taken golf lessons instead!"
He never even had a chance to duck. He was only 63 . . .
Must be awful being an ethnic minority dairy farmer in the Middle East.
If I was a Kurd I’d run a whey.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
One day a man decided to retire...
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He soon found himself on an island with no other
people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this ole thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the
woman. " On the south side of the island, a very
unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an
expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, It's not much, but I call it home.
Please sit down." "Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes
upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned. She smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering
closer to him, "We've both been out here for many
months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride?"
She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing.
"You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
"You've built a Motorcycle?”
You can learn alot using Google, and the search button.....
The wife and I were out having dinner with a group of old friends.
My mate who's son got hooked on herion at university a few years ago said "you know it's such a shame how things turned out for my lad, he had worked so hard, his whole future was looking bright and stretching out in front of him, then one white bag destroyed his future and condemned him to servitude."
Looking at the wife I thought "I know exactly what you mean mate."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The teacher asked the President if he'd like to lead a discussion on the word 'tragedy.’
So Trump asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy’.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy.”
"No," said Trump, "that would be an accident.”
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explained Trump.
"That's what we would call a great loss.”
The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Trump searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath ..... In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.”
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Trump, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss ... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't be an accident either!”
The teacher left the room ........
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
Stealing old jokes now? Post 30 in this threadOriginally Posted by Keith
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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