Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    [url=https://imgflip.com/i/2yjcme]
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Apologies for the naughty word
    Last edited by Keith; 17-04-19 at 10:53 AM.
    You can learn alot using Google, and the search button.....

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    A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

    Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
    "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.

    "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

    "Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.
    A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?

    So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
    Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'

    "Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way,
    what's in the other bag?"

    "Not everybody pays."😂

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    Who says Aussies aren't romantic ?
    Australian Love Poem 🙄


    Of course I love ya darlin
    You're a bloody top-notch bird
    And when I say you're gorgeous
    I mean every single word

    So ya bum is on the big side
    I don't mind a bit of flab
    It means that when I'm ready
    There's somethin' there to grab

    So your belly isn't flat no more
    I tell ya, I don't care
    So long as when I cuddle ya
    I can get my arms round there

    No Sheila who is your age
    Has nice round perky breasts
    They just gave in to gravity
    But I know ya did ya best

    I'm tellin' ya the truth now
    I never tell ya lies
    I think it's very sexy
    That you've got dimples on ya thighs

    I swear on me nanna's grave now
    The moment that we met
    I thought you was as good as
    I was ever gonna get

    No matter what u look like
    I'll always love ya dear
    Now shut up while the cricket's on
    And fetch another beer

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    Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse.

    Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.

    Judge: "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..."

    Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's f*cking goofy!"
    Last edited by irritant; 17-04-19 at 06:46 PM.

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    The bad news: After a 30-year study of 500,000 people, it's been proven that eating bacon and ham increases the risk of being diagnosed with bowel cancer.

    The good news: At least you won't be a Muslim.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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