Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Last edited by irritant; 20-04-19 at 05:27 AM.

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    I once toasted the bride and groom at an Islamic wedding.

    Operating that drone was great.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
    I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
    'No,' she answered.
    I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

    And that's when the fight started...
    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
    She asked, "What's on TV?"
    I said, "Dust."

    And then the fight started...
    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    Quote Originally Posted by oceanboy View Post
    I know comments are not allowed, but the sad sad reality is that this is entirely possible.........................sigh!
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Meanwhile, on the farm in New Zealand........................

    Quote Originally Posted by enf View Post

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    I confided in my friend that I didn't know if I was ready for the responsibility of becoming a father for the first time.

    "Don't worry mate," he said. "It's not as if you'll be responsible for him for the rest of his life.......just the rest of yours."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    It Was my first time ever
    And I'll Never forget
    I'd do it Again
    Without a Single regret.

    The sky was Dark
    The moon Was high
    We were all Alone
    Just she And I.

    Her hair Was soft

    Her eyes Were blue

    I knew just What
    She wanted To do.

    Her skin so Soft
    Her legs so Fine
    I ran my Fingers
    Down her Spine.

    I didn't Know how
    But I tried My best
    I started By placing
    My hands on Her breast.

    I remember My fear
    My fast Beating heart
    But slowly She spread
    Her legs Apart.

    And when I Did it
    I felt no shame
    All at Once
    The white Stuff came.

    At last it's finished
    It's all Over now
    My first Time ever
    At milking A cow...

    NOW ALL YOU DIRTY MINDS SAY 3 HAIL Muslims/ MARYS
    Last edited by hinekadon; 22-04-19 at 12:09 PM. Reason: spelling

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    A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

    As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'

    The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink....In fact, this one is on me.'

    As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

    The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

    'Coming up' says the bartender'

    As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says 'I would like to buy you one, too.'

    The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

    'Coming right up' the bartender says.

    As he gives her the drink, he says 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity.

    Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

    The old woman replies 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor...

    Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

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    Excited to receive your signal by the looks

    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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