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Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may cause offense, read at your own risk

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    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I was watching my neighbours cat while she was on holiday as her elderly mum wasn't able to.

    After a couple of days she phoned.. "How's Tiddles getting on?" she asked.

    "Tiddles is dead" I replied.

    After a while she sobbed.."that's so cold hearted, could you not have broken it to me a bit gentler than that. You could have said..Tiddles got stuck up a tree, the Fire Brigade tried to get her down, she fell and died instantly"

    "I'm sorry" I said.."you're right"

    "..and how's my mum?" ..she continued.

    "Well" I replied.."first she got stuck up a tree..."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a pint.
    'This is a special day for me', said the farmer. 'I am celebrating.'
    "This is a special day for me too. I am also celebrating,' said the woman next to him.
    'What a coincidence!' said the farmer.
    As they clinked glasses he added: 'What are you celebrating?'
    'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
    'What a coincidence!' said the man.
    'I'm a chicken farmer and all last year my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying eggs again.'
    'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
    'I used a different cock,' he replied.
    The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said 'what a coincidence'!

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    South African Dutchman Van der Merwe had never been out of South Africa.

    His first overseas trip was a holiday in Australia, he decided to spend an afternoon visiting Bondi Beach.

    As he sat on the beach looking out to sea he saw a long line of black dots out in the water and said to an Aussie, who was sitting close by,

    "What are all those little black things out there?

    "They're buoys," said the Aussie.

    "Boys?!" replied Van der Merwe. "What are they doing out there?"


    "Holding up the shark net," the Aussie told him.


    What a great country!" said Van der Merwe, deeply impressed


    "We'd never get away with that at home!

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Last edited by SS Dave; 01-07-19 at 10:07 PM.
    Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again and better?

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    Last edited by SS Dave; 01-07-19 at 10:12 PM.
    Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again and better?

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    "Daddy, whats dark humour?"

    "Well sweetheart, you see that man over there with no arms?"

    "No daddy, I'm blind."

    "Exactly!"
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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