Carl calls in sick to work.
His boss says, "I know you're not sick, now get your ass to work".
Carl replies, "No, I'm very sick, I'm not coming in."
The boss is pissed off, so at lunch time he decides to go to Carl's house and bust him.
When he arrives, he peers through the window to see if Carl is in fact there.
To his surprise, he sees Carl on the bed hammering a girl doggy style. The boss runs to the front door and practically bangs the door down with anger knocking on it.
When Carl answers the door his boss is livid, "I knew you weren't sick, you're fired!"
Carl replies, " I am sick, that's my sister!"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
One more time
A man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight. They start eyeing each other, and both realize they want to do the same thing.
He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks delighted. "Rear toilet?" he suggests.
"Five minutes", she agrees and goes off. He waits five minutes, then goes and slips in there with her.
"Right, get that condom on", she says. Soon, they are both sighing with pleasure.
But a sharp eyed stewardess has noticed them, and realized what they are up to. So, she humiliates them by making an announcement over the PA system.
“To the lady and gentleman in the rear toilet, we know what you are doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations.
Now, please put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
The mother-in-law has been dieting for years. But it’s only recently that she’s achieved, in my humble opinion, the ideal weight.
1.3kg including the urn.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on the same stage in Sydney Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Trump and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Trump replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand?....Show me!"
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!
AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
A Remedy
I do not understand why prescription medicine is allowed to advertise on TV or why anyone would think of trying one of the medicines after listening to the laundry list of warnings of possible side effects.
But this is definitely an exception!
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
Do you sometimes feel stressed?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.
Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you are ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately, and, with a regimen of regular doses, you will overcome obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past.
You will discover talents you never knew you had..
Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone.
Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it, but women who would not mind nursing, or becoming pregnant, are encouraged to try it.
Side effects may include:
Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare and Naked Twister.
Warnings:
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
An eight-year old girl went to the office with her father on "Take your kid to work day".
As they were walking around the office the young girl started crying and getting very cranky. Her father asked what was wrong with her.
As the staff gathered round, she sobbed loudly:"Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you work with?"
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
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