Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

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  • #8882
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    No comments allowed but f*ck that's funny man...it really is.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Not sure if this belongs in the jokes section

    Putting things in perspective.


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    A great leader who's initials are J.C. sought to lead the masses to a promised land of equality and fairness for all.

    Hmmmm.....there's a book in there somewhere.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    When we're driving somewhere, the wife always moans about the route I take and always points out to me which way I should have gone, especially if we get stuck in traffic.

    She's my SatNag.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    All this talk about same sex marriage as if it's something new.

    Sigh! The wife and I have been having the same sex for years.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SS Dave View Post
    That long????? I'd be back in 5 minutes!!!!!!
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Default golf underwear

    The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

    'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?' Ole demanded.

    'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

    The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'

    Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

    'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'

    She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

    Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'

    Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

    'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'

    She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'

    The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit...'

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    A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

    The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

    The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

    The man perks up.

    "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

    The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

    The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

    "Yes I have," says the man.

    "And has she helped you make a decision?"

    "Yes," says the man.

    "What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

    "We're getting granite counter tops..."

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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