Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #8901
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    10,608
    Thanks
    11,886
    Thanked 7,073 Times in 3,346 Posts
    Rep Power
    3159
    Reputation
    132832

    Default

    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  2. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    gulliver (20-12-19),hinekadon (20-12-19),Keith (20-12-19),william10 (20-12-19)



  • #8902
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    10,608
    Thanks
    11,886
    Thanked 7,073 Times in 3,346 Posts
    Rep Power
    3159
    Reputation
    132832

    Default

    Last edited by lsemmens; 20-12-19 at 12:04 PM.
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (20-12-19),enf (21-12-19),fred49au (22-12-19),gulliver (20-12-19),hazman (21-12-19),hinekadon (20-12-19),Keith (20-12-19),SS Dave (20-12-19),william10 (20-12-19)

  • #8903
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    10,608
    Thanks
    11,886
    Thanked 7,073 Times in 3,346 Posts
    Rep Power
    3159
    Reputation
    132832

    Default

    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    enf (21-12-19),gulliver (20-12-19),hazman (21-12-19),hinekadon (20-12-19),Keith (20-12-19),william10 (20-12-19)

  • #8904
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,788
    Thanks
    16,844
    Thanked 35,062 Times in 9,090 Posts
    Rep Power
    13719
    Reputation
    646449

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (21-12-19),gulliver (22-12-19),hazman (21-12-19),Keith (26-12-19),lsemmens (21-12-19),SS Dave (21-12-19)

  • #8905
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,124
    Thanks
    5,314
    Thanked 7,964 Times in 1,287 Posts
    Rep Power
    3355
    Reputation
    155622

    Default

    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    enf (21-12-19),fred49au (23-12-19),gulliver (23-12-19),hazman (21-12-19),Keith (26-12-19),lsemmens (21-12-19),mkhannah (22-12-19),ol' boy (22-12-19)

  • #8906
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,788
    Thanks
    16,844
    Thanked 35,062 Times in 9,090 Posts
    Rep Power
    13719
    Reputation
    646449

    Default

    Every day this month it's been "Daddy, I want a Barbie playhouse, Daddy, I want My Little Pony, Daddy, I want a Princess Dress !"

    F*ck... I hate that boy!
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (22-12-19),gulliver (22-12-19),hazman (22-12-19),hinekadon (22-12-19),Keith (26-12-19),mkhannah (22-12-19),ol' boy (22-12-19),SS Dave (22-12-19)

  • #8907
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,026
    Thanks
    7,370
    Thanked 12,511 Times in 1,803 Posts
    Rep Power
    5268
    Reputation
    250124

    Default


  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (22-12-19),enf (22-12-19),fred49au (23-12-19),gulliver (22-12-19),hinekadon (22-12-19),Keith (26-12-19),lsemmens (22-12-19),mkhannah (22-12-19),SS Dave (22-12-19),william10 (22-12-19)

  • #8908
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,788
    Thanks
    16,844
    Thanked 35,062 Times in 9,090 Posts
    Rep Power
    13719
    Reputation
    646449

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (22-12-19),fred49au (23-12-19),gulliver (22-12-19),hazman (23-12-19),hinekadon (22-12-19),Keith (26-12-19),lsemmens (22-12-19),mkhannah (22-12-19),SS Dave (22-12-19)

  • #8909
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,788
    Thanks
    16,844
    Thanked 35,062 Times in 9,090 Posts
    Rep Power
    13719
    Reputation
    646449

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    gulliver (23-12-19),hazman (23-12-19),hinekadon (23-12-19),Keith (26-12-19),lsemmens (23-12-19),mkhannah (25-12-19),SS Dave (23-12-19)

  • #8910
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,124
    Thanks
    5,314
    Thanked 7,964 Times in 1,287 Posts
    Rep Power
    3355
    Reputation
    155622

    Default

    [url=https://postimages.org/]
    Last edited by SS Dave; 23-12-19 at 01:04 PM.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (23-12-19),enf (27-12-19),gulliver (28-12-19),hazman (25-12-19),Keith (26-12-19),lsemmens (23-12-19),mkhannah (25-12-19)

  • #8911
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    10,608
    Thanks
    11,886
    Thanked 7,073 Times in 3,346 Posts
    Rep Power
    3159
    Reputation
    132832

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SS Dave View Post
    [url=https://postimages.org/]
    LOVE IT! Stolen!
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    gulliver (23-12-19),ol' boy (24-12-19)

  • #8912
    Member
    madtech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Out of the city
    Posts
    364
    Thanks
    89
    Thanked 387 Times in 149 Posts
    Rep Power
    355
    Reputation
    7230

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lsemmens View Post
    LOVE IT! Stolen!
    Was it in an Amazon box when you stole it?

  • The Following User Says Thank You to madtech For This Useful Post:

    lsemmens (23-12-19)

  • #8913
    Premium Member
    ol' boy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    17,662
    Thanks
    8,131
    Thanked 10,460 Times in 5,194 Posts
    Rep Power
    4472
    Reputation
    184272

    Default

    To all those camping this Holidays

    I feel your pain :-)
    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to ol' boy For This Useful Post:

    enf (24-12-19),gulliver (28-12-19),hazman (25-12-19),Keith (26-12-19),mkhannah (25-12-19)

  • #8914
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,788
    Thanks
    16,844
    Thanked 35,062 Times in 9,090 Posts
    Rep Power
    13719
    Reputation
    646449

    Default

    This is alarming !

    Whiskey contains female hormones!

    Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Montreal University scientists revealed this.

    Men should take a concerned look at their Whiskey consumption.

    The theory is that Whiskey contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough Whiskey men turn into women.

    To test the theory, 100 men each drank 15 shots of Whiskey each within a one (1) hour period.

    It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:

    1) Argued over nothing.
    2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
    3) Gained weight.
    4) Talked excessively without making sense.
    5) Became overly emotional.
    6) Couldn't drive.
    7) Failed to think rationally,
    and
    8) Had to sit down while urinating.

    No further testing was considered necessary!
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (26-12-19),gulliver (28-12-19),hazman (26-12-19),hinekadon (26-12-19),Keith (26-12-19),lsemmens (28-12-19),mkhannah (26-12-19),Mr 672A (06-01-20)

  • #8915
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,788
    Thanks
    16,844
    Thanked 35,062 Times in 9,090 Posts
    Rep Power
    13719
    Reputation
    646449

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    hinekadon (27-12-19),Keith (27-12-19),mkhannah (28-12-19)

  • #8916
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,788
    Thanks
    16,844
    Thanked 35,062 Times in 9,090 Posts
    Rep Power
    13719
    Reputation
    646449

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    hinekadon (28-12-19),Keith (31-12-19),lsemmens (28-12-19),SS Dave (28-12-19)

  • #8917
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,026
    Thanks
    7,370
    Thanked 12,511 Times in 1,803 Posts
    Rep Power
    5268
    Reputation
    250124

    Default


  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (28-12-19),gulliver (31-12-19),hinekadon (28-12-19),Keith (31-12-19),lsemmens (28-12-19),RogerTheDoger (28-12-19),william10 (29-12-19)

  • #8918
    Senior Member
    Godzilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Melbourne
    Age
    60
    Posts
    12,742
    Thanks
    16,583
    Thanked 7,203 Times in 3,649 Posts
    Rep Power
    2200
    Reputation
    79153

    Default

    Hate posting this but it has to happen..

    I love my cars and racing, and everything that comes with the hobby... but I am done in 2020. This is taking up too much of my time. I am struggling to keep up with the everyday chores of cooking, cleaning and maintaining my home, so something has to give. I have decided to get rid of my stuff.

    Below is a list of what's available. Serious inquiries only, and please don't insult me with low offers.

    Thanks for reading and understanding...

    1. Vacuum cleaner

    2. Dustpan and broom

    3. Mop and bucket

    4. Lawn Mower

    5. Leaf blower

    6. Laundry detergent

    7. Iron

    Anything helps for racecar parts......

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Godzilla For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (29-12-19),enf (29-12-19),gulliver (29-12-19),hazman (29-12-19),hinekadon (29-12-19),Keith (31-12-19),SS Dave (29-12-19)

  • #8919
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    10,608
    Thanks
    11,886
    Thanked 7,073 Times in 3,346 Posts
    Rep Power
    3159
    Reputation
    132832

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Godzilla View Post
    Hate posting this but it has to happen..

    I love my cars and racing, and everything that comes with the hobby... but I am done in 2020. This is taking up too much of my time. I am struggling to keep up with the everyday chores of cooking, cleaning and maintaining my home, so something has to give. I have decided to get rid of my stuff.

    Below is a list of what's available. Serious inquiries only, and please don't insult me with low offers.

    Thanks for reading and understanding...

    1. Vacuum cleaner

    2. Dustpan and broom

    3. Mop and bucket

    4. Lawn Mower

    5. Leaf blower

    6. Laundry detergent

    7. Iron

    Anything helps for racecar parts......

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!
    You forgot the worst time waster and the biggest expense of all








    The wife....................[runs] [hides]
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (29-12-19),Godzilla (29-12-19),gulliver (31-12-19),hinekadon (29-12-19)

  • #8920
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,788
    Thanks
    16,844
    Thanked 35,062 Times in 9,090 Posts
    Rep Power
    13719
    Reputation
    646449

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (01-01-20),gulliver (31-12-19),hazman (31-12-19),hinekadon (31-12-19),Keith (31-12-19),mkhannah (31-12-19),SS Dave (31-12-19),Tiny (31-12-19)

  • Page 446 of 636 FirstFirst ... 346396436437438439440441442443444445446447448449450451452453454455456496546 ... LastLast

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •