Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may cause offense, read at your own risk

  1. #10601
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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Kid: Mother, what's dark humour?

    Mother: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

    Kid: How? I'm blind!

    Mother: Exactly.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The Proper Way to Call a Golfer a Bastard…..


    A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.


    They were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"


    The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.


    The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He then confessed that he was the pro at the neighbouring course and liked to pick on suckers.


    The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
    The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
    The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."


    The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"


    The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation of $80. And, if you want to, bring your Mother and Father along, I'll marry them."

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    .

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    FTTN, 710m line length, bit faster now with draytek modem....

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    Quote Originally Posted by SS Dave View Post
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?

    You have been with me all through the bad times.

    When I got fired, you were there to support me.
    When my business failed, you were there.
    When I got shot, you were by my side.
    When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
    When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

    You know what Martha?"
    "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
    "I'm beginning to think you're bad luck.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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