Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may cause offense, read at your own risk

  1. #9141
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #9142
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    ^ your gunna get yourself locked up posting common sense !!

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    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    Cheers
    Ted (Al)

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    Cheers
    Ted (Al)

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    Whaddaya know... Trump was actually right.

    The Mexicans want that wall built fast AND they'll pay.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    My wife came home early to find me in the kitchen cooking a lovely candlelit dinner on the table and place settings for two.

    "Oh this is a surprise" she said.

    "Too right it is," I replied "I didn't expect you back till Monday! “
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Three Men in Heaven
    Three men were sitting on a bench in heaven discussing how they died.

    The first man said "I died of cancer."

    The second man said, "I died of tuberculosis."

    The third man said "I died of Seenus."

    The first two men said, "No, you mean sinus."

    The third man said "No, I mean seenus. I was out with my best friend's wife, and he seen us!"
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Keith View Post
    Prince Charles is in isolation with Covid 19....
    That’s what you get for eating an old bat.....
    Cheers
    Ted (Al)

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    A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly loses engine power and the aircraft begins to descent.

    The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them.

    Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door.

    The pilots screams at him, “Didn’t you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!”

    “Of course I heard you”, the man replied, “but it’s also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!”
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    My little shit of teenage son found a sex tape his mum and I made years ago and threatened to release it on to the internet if we didn't buy him a new PS4.

    "Good luck son," I told him, "its on Betamax!"
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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