Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #8761
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  2. The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    + Show/Hide list of the thanked

    fred49au (15-10-19),Godzilla (01-12-19),gulliver (15-10-19),hazman (15-10-19),hinekadon (15-10-19),Keith (14-10-19),lsemmens (14-10-19),mandc (17-10-19),mkhannah (15-10-19),OSIRUS (14-10-19),Skepticist (15-10-19),SS Dave (14-10-19),william10 (16-10-19)



  • #8762
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (16-10-19),gulliver (16-10-19),hazman (15-10-19),hinekadon (15-10-19),Keith (17-10-19),lsemmens (15-10-19),mi_tasol (15-10-19),mkhannah (15-10-19),Skepticist (15-10-19),SS Dave (15-10-19)

  • #8763
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,117
    Thanks
    5,296
    Thanked 7,917 Times in 1,280 Posts
    Rep Power
    3335
    Reputation
    154682

    Default

    I was so drunk last night .....I saw someone get pulled over on TV that I stuffed my beer under the couch
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    enf (15-10-19),fred49au (16-10-19),gulliver (15-10-19),hazman (15-10-19),hinekadon (15-10-19),Keith (17-10-19),lsemmens (15-10-19),mkhannah (15-10-19),ol' boy (15-10-19),Skepticist (15-10-19)

  • #8764
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (15-10-19),enf (15-10-19),gulliver (16-10-19),Keith (17-10-19),mi_tasol (15-10-19),mkhannah (16-10-19),OSIRUS (20-10-19),SS Dave (15-10-19)

  • #8765
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    + Show/Hide list of the thanked

    Al Bundy (16-10-19),enf (15-10-19),fred49au (16-10-19),gulliver (16-10-19),Keith (17-10-19),lsemmens (15-10-19),mi_tasol (15-10-19),mkhannah (16-10-19),OSIRUS (20-10-19),SS Dave (15-10-19),william10 (16-10-19)

  • #8766
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    Al Bundy (16-10-19),enf (15-10-19),gulliver (16-10-19),Keith (17-10-19),lsemmens (15-10-19),mkhannah (16-10-19),OSIRUS (20-10-19),SS Dave (15-10-19),william10 (16-10-19)

  • #8767
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (15-10-19),Keith (17-10-19),lsemmens (15-10-19),mkhannah (16-10-19),OSIRUS (20-10-19)

  • #8768
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    10,585
    Thanks
    11,867
    Thanked 7,061 Times in 3,338 Posts
    Rep Power
    3153
    Reputation
    132592

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hazman View Post
    Problem is............................that's not a joke!
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    gulliver (16-10-19),william10 (16-10-19)

  • #8769
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (16-10-19),hazman (16-10-19),hinekadon (16-10-19),Keith (17-10-19),lsemmens (16-10-19),mkhannah (16-10-19)

  • #8770
    Premium Member
    alpha0ne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Mandurah WA
    Age
    68
    Posts
    1,443
    Thanks
    3,455
    Thanked 2,988 Times in 813 Posts
    Rep Power
    1427
    Reputation
    59477

    Default

    Yes I know its been posted before...........but men need to be constantly reminded..............


    This guy brings his best golf mate home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30, after golf.

    His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade...

    "My bloody hair & makeup are not done, the house is a f****** mess, the dishes aren't done.

    Can't you see I'm still in my f****** pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight!

    Why the f*** did you bring him home unannounced you stupid idiot?"

    "Because he's thinking of getting married."

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to alpha0ne For This Useful Post:

    enf (16-10-19),gulliver (16-10-19),hazman (16-10-19),hinekadon (16-10-19),Keith (17-10-19),lsemmens (16-10-19),mkhannah (16-10-19),OSIRUS (20-10-19),shred (19-10-19)

  • #8771
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    A recent scientific study reveals that women have cleaner minds than men.

    This, scientists say is basically due to the fact that they change them every f*cking 10 seconds or so.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (17-10-19),fred49au (18-10-19),gulliver (17-10-19),hazman (17-10-19),hinekadon (17-10-19),Keith (17-10-19),mkhannah (17-10-19),OSIRUS (20-10-19)

  • #8772
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The headmaster told me my son was thrown out of his Maths lesson because he refused to write down any number made up of 1s and 0s.

    I had to explain it's because he now identifies as non-binary.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (18-10-19),hazman (18-10-19),hinekadon (18-10-19),Keith (20-10-19),mkhannah (19-10-19),william10 (18-10-19)

  • #8773
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (19-10-19),hazman (19-10-19),Keith (20-10-19),lsemmens (19-10-19),OSIRUS (20-10-19)

  • #8774
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (19-10-19),enf (19-10-19),Keith (20-10-19),mkhannah (19-10-19),SS Dave (19-10-19),william10 (19-10-19)

  • #8775
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (19-10-19),Keith (20-10-19),lsemmens (19-10-19),mkhannah (19-10-19),OSIRUS (20-10-19),SS Dave (19-10-19),william10 (19-10-19)

  • #8776
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (19-10-19),enf (19-10-19),Keith (20-10-19),lsemmens (19-10-19),mkhannah (19-10-19),OSIRUS (20-10-19),Reschs (19-10-19),william10 (19-10-19)

  • #8777
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    10,585
    Thanks
    11,867
    Thanked 7,061 Times in 3,338 Posts
    Rep Power
    3153
    Reputation
    132592

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hazman View Post
    Sadly, true!
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    hinekadon (20-10-19),madtech (19-10-19),william10 (19-10-19)

  • #8778
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • #8779
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • #8780
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    Keith (21-10-19),mkhannah (21-10-19),ol' boy (21-10-19),OSIRUS (20-10-19),SS Dave (20-10-19)

  • Page 439 of 635 FirstFirst ... 339389429430431432433434435436437438439440441442443444445446447448449489539 ... LastLast

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •