Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #8781
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    10,585
    Thanks
    11,867
    Thanked 7,061 Times in 3,338 Posts
    Rep Power
    3153
    Reputation
    132592

    Default

    You trying to save bandwidth Hazman? Those images are tiny!
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...



  • #8782
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    [url=https://postimages.org/]
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (21-10-19),gulliver (22-10-19),hazman (21-10-19),Keith (21-10-19),SS Dave (20-10-19)

  • #8783
    Banned

    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    still above ground level
    Posts
    1,779
    Thanks
    5,562
    Thanked 1,964 Times in 714 Posts
    Rep Power
    0
    Reputation
    35657

    Default

    An old man is walking in Perth and passes a hooker standing at her door. She asks him: "Granddad, why don't we give it a try?"

    He replies: "No girl, that's no longer possible for me."

    Says the hooker: "Come on, what have we got to lose, we can give it a try!"

    So he made up his mind and they both go inside. They undress and he performs like a young buck, 5 times in a row.

    "Oh my goodness", says the hooker, breathless, "and you said that SEX was no longer possible for you?!”

    Says the old guy: "Oh, the sex part is still going well, it's the PAYMENT that is no longer possible!

  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to hinekadon For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (21-10-19),carjackma (21-10-19),enf (21-10-19),fred49au (22-10-19),gulliver (22-10-19),hazman (21-10-19),Keith (22-10-19),lsemmens (21-10-19),shred (27-10-19),SS Dave (21-10-19)

  • #8784
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    carjackma (21-10-19),hazman (21-10-19),hinekadon (23-10-19),Keith (22-10-19),lsemmens (21-10-19),ol' boy (27-10-19)

  • #8785
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,117
    Thanks
    5,296
    Thanked 7,917 Times in 1,280 Posts
    Rep Power
    3335
    Reputation
    154682

    Default

    My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila.

    “You’re coming home now!” she screamed.

    “No, I’m not,” I laughed.

    She said, “I'm not talking to you I’m talking to the kids.”
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (21-10-19),enf (21-10-19),gulliver (22-10-19),hazman (21-10-19),hinekadon (22-10-19),Keith (22-10-19),lsemmens (21-10-19),mkhannah (22-10-19)

  • #8786
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (22-10-19),fred49au (24-10-19),gulliver (22-10-19),hazman (22-10-19),hinekadon (22-10-19),Keith (23-10-19),lsemmens (22-10-19),mkhannah (22-10-19),SS Dave (23-10-19),william10 (23-10-19)

  • #8787
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (24-10-19),gulliver (23-10-19),hazman (23-10-19),hinekadon (23-10-19),Keith (23-10-19),lsemmens (23-10-19),mkhannah (23-10-19),SS Dave (23-10-19),william10 (23-10-19)

  • #8788
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (23-10-19),gulliver (23-10-19),Keith (25-10-19),lsemmens (23-10-19),mkhannah (24-10-19)

  • #8789
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,117
    Thanks
    5,296
    Thanked 7,917 Times in 1,280 Posts
    Rep Power
    3335
    Reputation
    154682

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by enf View Post
    Also good for those with verbal diarrhoea.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    enf (23-10-19),gulliver (24-10-19),hinekadon (23-10-19)

  • #8790
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,117
    Thanks
    5,296
    Thanked 7,917 Times in 1,280 Posts
    Rep Power
    3335
    Reputation
    154682

    Default

    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    enf (23-10-19),fred49au (27-10-19),gulliver (24-10-19),hazman (23-10-19),hinekadon (23-10-19),Keith (25-10-19),lsemmens (23-10-19),Tiny (24-10-19),william10 (23-10-19)

  • #8791
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (23-10-19),gulliver (24-10-19),hazman (23-10-19),hinekadon (23-10-19),Keith (25-10-19),lsemmens (23-10-19),mkhannah (24-10-19),ol' boy (27-10-19),SS Dave (23-10-19)

  • #8792
    Premium Member
    alpha0ne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Mandurah WA
    Age
    68
    Posts
    1,443
    Thanks
    3,455
    Thanked 2,988 Times in 813 Posts
    Rep Power
    1427
    Reputation
    59477

    Default


  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to alpha0ne For This Useful Post:

    enf (23-10-19),gulliver (24-10-19),hazman (24-10-19),hinekadon (23-10-19),Keith (25-10-19),lsemmens (23-10-19),mkhannah (24-10-19),Tiny (24-10-19)

  • #8793
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    + Show/Hide list of the thanked

    alpha0ne (24-10-19),fred49au (25-10-19),gulliver (24-10-19),hazman (24-10-19),hinekadon (27-10-19),Keith (25-10-19),lsemmens (24-10-19),mkhannah (24-10-19),shred (27-10-19),SS Dave (24-10-19),Tiny (24-10-19)

  • #8794
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    Haley Joel Osment who starred in The Sixth Sense was asked to give his reaction to the 39 found frozen to death in the back of a lorry in Essex.

    "Icy dead people" he was heard to say.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------

    39 people have just realised that Trip Advisor needs updating.

    The four stars wasn't a hotel guide, it was the freezer rating.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    The Fridge 39 are probably walking round Heaven now, thinking "f*cking hell Britain is awesome".
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    hazman (25-10-19),hinekadon (27-10-19),Keith (25-10-19),mkhannah (26-10-19)

  • #8795
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    If there’s 3.8 billion women on earth - why isn’t it clean yet?
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (28-10-19),gulliver (26-10-19),hazman (26-10-19),hinekadon (27-10-19),Keith (29-10-19),lsemmens (26-10-19),mkhannah (26-10-19),ol' boy (27-10-19)

  • #8796
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,117
    Thanks
    5,296
    Thanked 7,917 Times in 1,280 Posts
    Rep Power
    3335
    Reputation
    154682

    Default

    Why don't vegetarians moan during sex ?

    Because they don't wan't to admit that a piece of meat makes them happy.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    enf (27-10-19),fred49au (28-10-19),gulliver (27-10-19),hazman (27-10-19),hinekadon (27-10-19),Keith (29-10-19),lsemmens (27-10-19),ol' boy (27-10-19)

  • #8797
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (29-10-19),gulliver (27-10-19),hazman (27-10-19),hinekadon (27-10-19),Keith (29-10-19),lsemmens (29-10-19),SS Dave (28-10-19)

  • #8798
    Premium Member
    ol' boy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    17,662
    Thanks
    8,131
    Thanked 10,460 Times in 5,194 Posts
    Rep Power
    4471
    Reputation
    184272

    Default

    ..
    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to ol' boy For This Useful Post:

    enf (27-10-19),fred49au (28-10-19),hazman (28-10-19),Keith (29-10-19),lsemmens (29-10-19),mkhannah (28-10-19),Reschs (27-10-19),SS Dave (28-10-19)

  • #8799
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    Someone once called me illiterate.

    Bullsh!t!! My parents had been married for three years before they had me.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    hazman (28-10-19),hinekadon (28-10-19),Keith (29-10-19),lsemmens (29-10-19),mkhannah (28-10-19),william10 (28-10-19)

  • #8800
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (28-10-19),gordonwh40 (29-10-19),Keith (29-10-19),mkhannah (28-10-19),william10 (28-10-19)

  • Page 440 of 635 FirstFirst ... 340390430431432433434435436437438439440441442443444445446447448449450490540 ... LastLast

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •