Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are perfect for each other.
He's ginger and she's an anagram of that.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Friday funnies with Admins Father-in-Law.
Admins FIL Jokes Page 10;
I take no responsibility for these offerings, yes some are offensive, just have a laugh or change the channel. lol.
What's the difference between having a job & being married 10 years?
A job still sucks after 10 years.
What's worse than being raped by Jack the ripper?
Being fingered by Captain Hook.
Is sex better than pot?
It depends who the pusher is.
What do you get when you cross a whore with a computer?
a f#cking know-all.
What's black pink & hairy & sits on a wall?
Humpty c#nt.
Why do babies have soft spots on their heads?
So in case of a fire the nurse can carry them out 5 at a time.
What do you call a female sex change operation?
Addadicktomy
Did you here about the new German microwave?
It seats 6.
What do you call an abortion in Czechoslovakia?
A cancelled Czech.
What do you have when 2 blacks are in a shoe box?
A pair of black loafers.
What's black & red & has trouble getting thru a revolving door?
An African with a spear thru his back.
How do you get a black man out of a tree in Alabama?
Cut the rope.
Why do blacks always have sex on their minds?
Because they have pubic hair on their heads.
What do Rubiks cube & a penis have in common?
The longer you play with it the harder it gets.
What's a 68?
You go down & I'll owe you one.
What's the difference between man & jelly beans?
Jelly beans come in different colours.
Why isn't a penis all it's cracked up to be?
You have a head but no brains, there are always a couple of nuts following you around, your next door neighbour is an asshole & your best friend is a c#nt.
What's the difference between kinky & perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your lovers ass with a feather, Perverted is when you use the whole chicken.
What do soya beans & dildos have in common?
They are both meat substitutes.
How can you tell a macho woman?
She rolls her own tampons.
How would you describe a cow after an abortion?
De-calf-inated.
Why did they kick the midget out of the nudist colony?
He was getting in everyone's hair.
What do a coffin & a condom have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs - only one's coming & one's going.
What's brown & has holes in it?
Swiss shit.
How do you know if a female bartender is pissed off with you?
There's a string hanging out of your bloody mary.
Cheers, Tiny
"You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can't make them think? If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
The information is out there; you just have to let it in."
Wife : “I dreamt they wer auctioning off cocks. The big ones went for ten bucks and the thick ones went for twenty bucks"
Husband : “How about the ones like mine?”
Wife : “Oh, those they gave away for free” .
Husband : “I had a dream too…I dreamt they were auctioning off twats. The pretty ones went for a thousand bucks, and little tight ones went for two thousand.”
Wife : “And how much for the one like mine?”
Husband : “That’s where they held the auction.”
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
And he lived to tell the tale???????Husband : “That’s where they held the auction.”
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Womens lonely hearts ads, and what they really mean:
Adventurous = Slut.
Athletic = No tits.
30 something = 50 odd.
Fun = Annoying.
Wild = Gets pissed easily.
Beautiful eyes = Face like a robbers dog.
Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex is a f*cking nut job.
New age = Smelly and hairy.
Headstrong = Argumentative.
Enjoys pubbing and clubbing = Alcoholic.
Curvy = Fat.
Cuddly = Fat.
Likes eating out = Greedy AND fat.
Likes nights in = Lazy and fat.
Ex Model = F*cked by anyone who would take her picture, now an old slut.
Ex military = Lesbian.
Professional sports woman = Lesbian.
Yummy Mummy = Has seven kids under six years old.
Non meat eater = Non anything worthwhile.
Motorcycle rider = Suicidal tendencies
Likes fast cars = Likes screwing rich blokes.
Homemaker = Wants to make your home hers.
Wants relationship = Wants gullible moron.
Likes children = Likes benefits.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I believe now the ginger and Meggsy are married, she will be referred to as Ginger Megs.Originally Posted by enf
You can learn alot using Google, and the search button.....
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
what a morning
8:00 -- I made a snowman.
8:10 -- A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 -- So I made a snow woman as well.
8:17 -- The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest.
8:20 -- The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:25 -- The vegans at No. 12 complained about veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures .
8:28 -- I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 -- The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.
8:35 -- A First Nations group stopped and said the project had been built on what was once their traditional lands without their consultation and approval. They want an apology and compensation
8:40-- Someone calls the cops who show up to see what's going on
8:42 -- I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things got worse after I muttered: "Yeah, if it's up your ass"
8:52-- My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter.
9:00-- I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble at this sensitive time.
9:10 -- I am asked if I have any accomplices.
9:29 -- ISIS just claimed responsibility.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
Golf’s equivalent Of Ball Tampering
You're playing in thegolf club championship tournament finals and the match is halved at the end of 17 holes.
You have the honour and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the pin.
Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway.
Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for his ball.
Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your opponent says:
"Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in time, I'll concede the match."
You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the pin.
About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods:
"I found it!".
The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole.
Now here is the ethical dilemma:
Do you pull the cheating bastard's ball out of your pocket and confront him with it or do you keep your mouth shut?
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
I thought it was The Gingers Meg
Son: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
Father: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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Last edited by hazman; 23-05-18 at 05:48 PM. Reason: image wont load
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says "Cheese Sandwiches $1" and then below that, another sign that reads "Handjobs $2". He looks around for the bartender but the only other person he can see is a really attractive woman, about 25 years old, with huge tits, at the end of the bar. He walks up to her and asks "Excuse me, but are you the one who gives the handjobs?" She replies in a sexy voice, "Why yes, I am". To which he immediately responds "Well go wash your hands then, I want a sandwich"
A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says, "hey, you''ve got a steering wheel on your pants." The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It''s driving me nuts."
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