The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I was at the girlfriend's house last night and we started kissing and cuddling. Then as I lay on the bed, she started stripping. At the sight of her stunning body, I almost came in my pants.
A personal best for me seeing as they were 10 meters away on the floor by the chair!
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The kids filed into class Monday morning.
They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said. "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling? "Toothbrushes" said Little Johnny."Toothbrushes" echoed the teacher."How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that kind of money?
"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing; "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" I would say, "It is dog poop, Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
"I used Scott Morrison's method of giving you something awful, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
SCOTTISH LOVE STORY
An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies
of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite pan
fried drop scones wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom with
even greater effort. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled
downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame,
gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already
in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally
hundreds of his favourite scones.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted
Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a
happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand
trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was
suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon
She said................ "Shove off'
"They're for the funeral."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital. He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest.
"No" says one of the nurses. "We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward".
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local Police Station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'
Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture...?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'
His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.'
Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the Telstra guy wants to buy Mum.'
A State Trooper pulled an 87-year-old woman over for speeding.
As he looked at her driver's license he was surprised to notice that attached to it was a conceal weapon permit.
Taken aback, he couldn't help but ask, “Do you have a gun in your possession?”
She replied in her crackly voice, “Indeed, I do. Why I have a 45 automatic in the glove box.”
The trooper then asked if she had any other weapons.
She replied, “I have a 9 mm Glock in the center console.”
The shocked trooper asked, “Is that all the weapons you are transporting?”
The little old lady held up her purse and replied, "Well, I do keep a 38 special in my purse.”
Finally, the astonished trooper asked, "What are you afraid of?”
And the little old lady smiled and replied: "Not a ####ing Thing."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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