Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #8801
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  2. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (28-10-19),fred49au (31-10-19),gulliver (30-10-19),hinekadon (28-10-19),Keith (29-10-19),lsemmens (29-10-19),mkhannah (28-10-19),mtv (30-10-19),william10 (28-10-19)



  • #8802
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    + Show/Hide list of the thanked

    dashinson (28-10-19),enf (28-10-19),fred49au (31-10-19),gulliver (30-10-19),hinekadon (28-10-19),Keith (29-10-19),lsemmens (29-10-19),mkhannah (28-10-19),mtv (30-10-19),Tiny (29-10-19),william10 (28-10-19)

  • #8803
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    + Show/Hide list of the thanked

    alpha0ne (28-10-19),fred49au (31-10-19),gulliver (30-10-19),hazman (30-10-19),hinekadon (28-10-19),hoe (30-10-19),Keith (29-10-19),lsemmens (29-10-19),mkhannah (28-10-19),mtv (30-10-19),william10 (28-10-19)

  • #8804
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    There are only 90 or so Amur Leopards left in the wild.

    It's tragic, because it's the only big cat that knows what it is.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (30-10-19),Keith (01-11-19),mtv (30-10-19)

  • #8805
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,119
    Thanks
    5,297
    Thanked 7,921 Times in 1,282 Posts
    Rep Power
    3337
    Reputation
    154762

    Default

    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    dashinson (30-10-19),enf (30-10-19),fred49au (31-10-19),hinekadon (30-10-19),Keith (01-11-19),lsemmens (31-10-19),mkhannah (30-10-19),mtv (30-10-19),Reschs (30-10-19),william10 (31-10-19)

  • #8806
    Administrator
    mtv's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    19,893
    Thanks
    7,508
    Thanked 15,066 Times in 6,761 Posts
    Rep Power
    5647
    Reputation
    239305

    Default

    During a most recent password audit, an employee was found to be using the following password:

    MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLuieDuweyDonaldGoofeyMelbourn e

    When asked why she had such a long password, the employee rolled her eyes, kicked back
    her head with confidence and said....

    “Hello?? Everyone knows it has to be 8 characters and include a Capital!!”

  • The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to mtv For This Useful Post:

    + Show/Hide list of the thanked

    alpha0ne (31-10-19),enf (30-10-19),fred49au (31-10-19),gulliver (31-10-19),hinekadon (31-10-19),Keith (01-11-19),lsemmens (31-10-19),mkhannah (30-10-19),Skepticist (31-10-19),SS Dave (31-10-19),william10 (31-10-19)

  • 31-10-19, 02:30 AM

    Reason
    Do not post just to increase your post count to send unwelcome/uninvited PM

  • 31-10-19, 02:31 AM

    Reason
    Do not post just to increase your post count to send unwelcome/uninvited PM

  • 31-10-19, 02:32 AM

    Reason
    Do not post just to increase your post count to send unwelcome/uninvited PM

  • 31-10-19, 02:32 AM

    Reason
    Do not post just to increase your post count to send unwelcome/uninvited PM

  • 31-10-19, 02:33 AM

    Reason
    Do not post just to increase your post count to send unwelcome/uninvited PM

  • #8807
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,119
    Thanks
    5,297
    Thanked 7,921 Times in 1,282 Posts
    Rep Power
    3337
    Reputation
    154762

    Default

    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    enf (31-10-19),fred49au (31-10-19),hazman (31-10-19),hinekadon (31-10-19),Keith (01-11-19),lsemmens (31-10-19),mkhannah (31-10-19)

  • #8808
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (31-10-19),gulliver (31-10-19),hazman (31-10-19),hinekadon (31-10-19),Keith (01-11-19),lsemmens (31-10-19),william10 (01-11-19)

  • #8809
    Banned

    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    still above ground level
    Posts
    1,779
    Thanks
    5,562
    Thanked 1,964 Times in 714 Posts
    Rep Power
    0
    Reputation
    35657

    Default

    Why Parents Drink

    The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick.

    So he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

    "Hello?"
    "Is your daddy home?"

    Small voice whispered, "Yes, he's out in the garden,"
    "May I talk with him?"

    The child whispered, "No."
    So the boss asked, "Well, is your Mommy there?"


    "Yes, she's out in the garden too."

    The boss asked; "May I talk with her?"
    Again the ‘No’.

    Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

    "Yes", whispered the child, "a policeman."
    Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

    "No, He's busy," whispered the child.

    "Busy doing what?"
    "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men."

    Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
    "It's a helicopter" answered the whispering voice.

    "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.


    "The search team just landed a helicopter."
    "A search team?" said the boss "What are they searching for?"


    Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...



    "ME"

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to hinekadon For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (31-10-19),enf (31-10-19),fred49au (02-11-19),gulliver (01-11-19),hazman (02-11-19),Keith (01-11-19),lsemmens (31-10-19),william10 (01-11-19)

  • #8810
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,119
    Thanks
    5,297
    Thanked 7,921 Times in 1,282 Posts
    Rep Power
    3337
    Reputation
    154762

    Default

    This is what 50% of vehicles on the road need especially a lot of BMW's

    Blinker fluid.

    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (01-11-19),enf (31-10-19),gulliver (01-11-19),Keith (01-11-19),lsemmens (31-10-19)

  • #8811
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SS Dave View Post
    This is what 50% of vehicles on the road need especially a lot of BMW's

    Blinker fluid.

    That's funny Dave. Here's why they're scared to use them........................wrong fluid I guess.............

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    gulliver (01-11-19),hinekadon (01-11-19),Keith (01-11-19),SS Dave (01-11-19)

  • #8812
    Senior Member
    Reschs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Outside a few schooners
    Posts
    3,080
    Thanks
    907
    Thanked 2,147 Times in 1,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    933
    Reputation
    33238

    Default

    Please delete. Cannot get Image to work.
    Last edited by Reschs; 31-10-19 at 11:40 PM.

  • #8813
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,119
    Thanks
    5,297
    Thanked 7,921 Times in 1,282 Posts
    Rep Power
    3337
    Reputation
    154762

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by enf View Post
    That's funny Dave. Here's why they're scared to use them........................wrong fluid I guess.............

    That's definitely not from over use.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    enf (01-11-19),gulliver (01-11-19)

  • #8814
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following User Says Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    Keith (01-11-19)

  • #8815
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    The sh!t just kept happening to me yesterday....first my ex got hit by a bus.

    And then I lost my job as a bus driver.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (04-11-19),gulliver (02-11-19),hazman (02-11-19),hinekadon (02-11-19),Keith (03-11-19),lsemmens (02-11-19),mkhannah (02-11-19),ol' boy (03-11-19),SS Dave (02-11-19),william10 (03-11-19)

  • #8816
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,119
    Thanks
    5,297
    Thanked 7,921 Times in 1,282 Posts
    Rep Power
    3337
    Reputation
    154762

    Default

    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    enf (03-11-19),lsemmens (03-11-19)

  • #8817
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (03-11-19),fred49au (04-11-19),gulliver (04-11-19),hazman (07-11-19),hinekadon (03-11-19),Keith (03-11-19),lsemmens (03-11-19),ol' boy (03-11-19),SS Dave (03-11-19)

  • #8818
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    gordonwh40 (05-11-19),hazman (07-11-19),hinekadon (04-11-19),Keith (05-11-19),lsemmens (05-11-19),mkhannah (04-11-19)

  • #8819
    Premium Member
    alpha0ne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Mandurah WA
    Age
    68
    Posts
    1,443
    Thanks
    3,455
    Thanked 2,988 Times in 813 Posts
    Rep Power
    1427
    Reputation
    59477

    Default




  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to alpha0ne For This Useful Post:

    enf (07-11-19),hazman (07-11-19),Keith (07-11-19),lsemmens (07-11-19),shred (06-11-19)

  • #8820
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,753
    Thanks
    16,819
    Thanked 34,964 Times in 9,060 Posts
    Rep Power
    13678
    Reputation
    644489

    Default

    I just competed in a blindfolded w@nking contest.

    Didn't win, in fact I'm not sure WHERE I came.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    hazman (08-11-19),hinekadon (07-11-19),Keith (07-11-19),lsemmens (08-11-19),mkhannah (07-11-19)

  • Page 441 of 635 FirstFirst ... 341391431432433434435436437438439440441442443444445446447448449450451491541 ... LastLast

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •