A guy prepares to demonstrate voice control of a computer.
- Silence, please, I will now demonstrate how easy voice control works.
A man from the back of the room:
- Format: C. Enter.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
Feminism: the deluded belief that both sexes may become equal by focusing solely on one of them.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The missus had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf. When she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and Asked, 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?'
'I was stung by a bee', she said.
'Where', he asked.
'Between the first and second hole', she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said, 'Then your feet are too far apart.'
You can learn alot using Google, and the search button.....
A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack.
He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed.
An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge.
The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting you clean”
The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK”
The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much.
So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicle, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly man ejaculated on nurse’s hand.
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, “Ma’am, Thanks but I still need to know 'Are my tests results back?’”
You can learn alot using Google, and the search button.....
Just heard the Mayor of Jerusalem is going to name the square where the US Embassy will be located “Trump Square”.
For 8 years I heard about what a “good friend” Obama was to Israel.
Could someone point out what they named after him? Urinals don’t count.
irritant (09-05-18)
I think my sons gay...I took off the seat of his bike, and he didn't notice.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Shouldn't there be WATER somewhere?
EXPENSIVE TOW: Helicopter pulls stranded fishing boat back to water after it hit a sandbar in Northern Territory, Australia.
Last edited by cmangle; 09-05-18 at 10:26 PM.
lsemmens (11-05-18)
I went into a pub with the wife and asked the barman for a schooner of lager and something suitable for the wife.
Barman: "So then, that'll be a schooner of lager and one of bitter then?"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A man's wife hits him across the head.
He says "What's that for?"
She says "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Sexy Sarah written on it".
Quick as a flash he says "that's the name of a horse i bet on today, you silly cow"
She apologizes. A week later she hits him with a frying pan!
He say's, "what the fvck was that for?".
She replies. "Your horse phoned!
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
lsemmens (11-05-18)
lsemmens (11-05-18)
I asked the young good looking muslim girl next door who is very Westernised why she still walked 100 meters behind her husband, as this is a free country and women are not dominated like they are in Islamic culture.
"Oh it's nothing to do with culture and domination, " she told me, "I'll be fvcked if I want to be anywhere near him when he sets his vest off. "
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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