Lost for centuries, Volume 2 of the Irish Dancing Manual has finally been rediscovered.
It's titled "How to Move Your Arms"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Does anyone else find it funny Iceland is super green and Greenland is covered in ice?
Ghosts don't exist? Think again! An infrared camera catches the exact moment a spirit leaves a ladys body!
Little Mary was not the best student in the Catholic School, usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary, who created the universe?'
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
'God Almighty!' shouted Mary.
The Nun said, 'Very good,' and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary, 'Who is our Lord and Saviour?'
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Little Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt with the pencil.
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Mary and the Nun once again said,'Very good!' Mary fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Again, Johnny was about to come to her rescue.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that f*****G thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A new chain of female gender reassignment clinics are opening all over Australia.
They're called Gashconverters.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Friday funnies with Admins Father-in-Law.
Admins FIL Jokes Page 5;
I take no responsibility for these offerings, yes some are offensive, just have a laugh or change the channel. lol.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job.
What do you call a female clown?
A clunt.
What's the difference between a nigger & a tyre?
Tyre's don't sing when you put chains on them.
Did you here about the Irishman who was asked to be a Jehovah's Witness?
He refused because he hadn't seen the accident.
Why do Pakistanis carry shit in their wallets?
For identification.
How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
Blow a boogie in it.
Why did the poof get fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught drinking on the job.
What's the definition of a perfect woman?
A; She's 3 feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth & her head is flat so you can put a pint glass on it.
B; The sports model has pull back ears & her teeth fold in.
C; The economy model f#cks all evening & at midnight turns into a roast beef sandwich & a six pack.
Why does Ray Charles smile all the time?
Because he doesn't know he's black.
Did you here about the queer burglar?
He couldn't blow the safe so he went down on the elevator.
Did you here about the queer Indian?
He jumped into the canoe, took 3 strokes & shot across the lake.
How do you get 4 poofs on a stool?
Turn it upside down.
Why don't black cheerleaders do the splits?
Because if they did they would stick to the floor.
Why do blacks wear wide brimmed hats?
To keep the birds from shitting on their lips.
Why do blacks wear platform shoes?
To keep their knuckles from dragging on the floor.
How do you say 'F#ck You' in Jewish?
'Trust Me'
Define Jewish Foreplay.
Two hours of begging.
What do you get if you cross a nigger with Bo Derek?
10 of Spades.
Cheers, Tiny
"You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can't make them think? If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
The information is out there; you just have to let it in."
Edgar drank his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of my life between the legs of me wife!”
And with that Edgar took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.
In bed later that night, Edgar told his wife Naomi; ”I won the prize for the best toast of the night.”
Naomi said: “Yes, Edgar, what was your toast?”
So he told her: “Here’s to spending the rest of my life sitting in church beside me wife.”
Naomi said; “Oh honey, that’s very nice.”
The next day, Naomi ran into one of Edgar’s drinking partners in the street.
Mischievously, Edgar's friend said: “Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Naomi?”
She replied: “Yep, and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he’s only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”
A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine. He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.
A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called Turpentine.'
The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby.'
The little boy replied, 'If you rub turpentine on a cat's arse, he'll pass a Harley Davidson !'
Muslim boy: "Mum, why don't you have big boobs like grandma?"
Mum: "Because I'm twelve!"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
On the first day back at school in Lakemba, West Sydney
.......Roll Call.......
Ahmed Al Sheriah ………………………………"here"
Mustafa Al Sheriah …………………………….."here"
Fatima El Bindiri ……………………………….."here"
Ali Akbah Shabeeb ……………………………"here"
Ali Sun Al En ……………………………………..No answer....
Ali Sun Al En?
Little girl at the back stands up and yells ........
"It's pronounced Alison Allen, for f---- sake !! "
A Muslim woman in our street was raped last night.
Police are still trying to establish a motive.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Five surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'
The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything
inside them is colour-coded.'
The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like construction workers.
Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the
end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all
wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no
heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving
parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are interchangeable'
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots"
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
Originally Posted by enf
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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