Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #9521
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    I walked into Subway and said to the cashier, “I just bought a sandwich from you. I took one bite and 2 teeth fell out.”

    “Maybe you bit down too hard?” she replied

    “They’re not my teeth.” I said.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I never really liked the terminology "Old Farts" but this makes me feel better about it.
    And if you aren't one, I'll bet you know one!
    I got this from an "Old Fart" friend of mine!

    OLD FART PRIDE

    It's not a bad thing to be called an Old Fart.
    Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the National Anthem, Old Farts remove their hats and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them
    Old Farts remember World War II, Normandy , Spitfires and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Bomb, Vietnam , the Korean War, the Cold War, the Moon Landing and all the Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005.
    If you bump into an Old Fart on the pavement, he will apologies. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are polite, particularly to women.
    Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
    Old Farts get embarrassed if someone swears in front of women and children and they don't like any filthy language on TV.
    Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag except about their children and grandchildren.
    It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the Air Force, Army, and Navy.

    This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.

    We need them now more than ever.

    Thank Goodness for Old Farts!

    Pass this on to all the "Old Farts" you know.

    I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them.

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    Don't just sit in the house, go outside and enjoy nature!







    Never mind.

    Just go back inside and watch TV.

    It is safer at your age.

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    I was explaining to the wife that when you die you could be reincarnated, but you must come back as a different creature.

    Wife " I'd like to come back as a cow. "

    Me "Sigh!! You obviously haven't been listening."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 am. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.



    The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

    The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?

    The man replied, "That would be my wife."

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    Foolproof Covid-19 Test.....

    Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it. If you can then you are halfway there. Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.

    I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness.

    Now I find I'll have to test myself again today, cause I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms!!!
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #9531
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    COVID. Completely Obstinate Victorian Idiocy Displayed!
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    I went to the BLM rally on the weekend, and all I got was this lousy t shirt and a couple of cuts on my hand.....................and a new smart TV .............................and some Air Jordans
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Do you remember when you were little and you were forced to let your sister join in your games because she would not stop whining, stamping her feet and throwing tantrums until she got her way and ruined your fun?

    Well that's now called society.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    And so did the man!
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    I took a vow of poverty.......,

    I got married and had kids!
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    And who gave a sh!t about the woman....
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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