Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may cause offense, read at your own risk

  1. #9301
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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Sixth-grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: “Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?”


    Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. “Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?”

    Mary stands up, blushing furiously. “How dare you ask such a question?” she says. “I’m going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!”

    Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary’s reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.


    Yes, Sam?” says Mrs. Sampson. “Ma’am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye.”

    “Very good, Sam. Thank you.”

    Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, “Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it’s clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed.”
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I see that they are easing the lockdown in Collingwood....

    Or "parole" as we all know it.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken running down the road. He was amused enough to drive along side it for a while, as he was driving he noticed the chicken was running 30 mph.
    Pretty fast chicken, he thought, I wonder just how fast it can run. So he sped up and the chicken did too! They were now moving along the road at 45 mph!
    The man in the car sped up again, to his surprise the chicken was still running ahead of him at 60 mph!!!
    Suddenly the chicken turned off the road and ran down a long driveway leading to a farmhouse. The man followed the chicken to the house and saw a man in the yard with dozens of three legged chickens. The man in the car called out to the farmer "How did you get all these three legged chickens?"
    The farmer replied, "I breed 'em. Ya see it's me, my wife and my son living here and we all like to eat the chicken leg. Since a chicken only has two legs, I started breeding this three legged variety so we could all eat our favorite piece."
    "That's amazing!" said the driver "How do they taste?"
    "Don't rightly know, I ain't caught one yet!"
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The doctor approached me in the hospital maternity waiting room,

    "I have some bad news Mr Jones, please sit down. "

    "Oh no, " I replied, "please tell me the baby's healthy. "

    "Yeah..well I guess so " he answered, "but if I were you, I'd buy a pinball machine and call him Tommy. "
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A local Potter has been charged with murder after the remains of multiple victims were found in his oven.

    Police believe he went on a kiln spree.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    A Muslim immigrant kid in Australia asks his mother, "Mama,
    what's the difference between Democracy and Racism?"

    Mother (in Burkha) - "Well, son, Democracy is when Australian tax payers work hard every day so that we can get all our benefits..... you know, like free housing, free health care, dole money, free education and grants to build our mosques and community centres & so on & so forth, you know… that’s a Democracy.”

    "But Mama, don't the Australian tax payers get angry about that?"

    "Sure they do.. that's what we call Racism!"
    You can learn alot using Google, and the search button.....

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Uhuh

    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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