Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #8701
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Greta Thunberg: "How dare you; you have destroyed my future."

    Ummmm......I'm pretty sure your chromosomes are what have done that...
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    EMOONING!!

    We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

    means a smile and

    is a frown.

    Sometimes these are represented by

    :-)

    :-(

    Well, how about some 'ARSICONS?'
    Here goes:

    (_!_) a regular arse

    (__!__) a fat arse

    (!) a tight arse

    (_*_) an arsehole

    {_!_} a swishy arse

    (_o_) an arse that's been around


    (_x_) kiss my arse

    (_X_) leave my arse alone

    (_zzz_) a tired arse

    (_E=mc2_) a smart arse

    (_$_) Money coming out of his arse

    (_?_) Dumb Arse

    So now you know!

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    "Can I offer you a drink?"

    "Ooh yes, I'll have a whisky".

    "This is a job interview".

    "Good point, make it a double. It'll steady my nerves".
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    I like to describe myself as "A bit of a looker". However, in summing up the judge said the legal term was "Voyeur".
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Customer Service
    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    On Friday my wife was kidnapped, I received a ransom demand for $10,000.

    This morning they sent her back, with the $10,000 ransom money ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... and three of their fingers.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    When my wife asked me to name all my sexual partners I'd ever had, I had to think back to when I was 16.
    I took a couple of minutes to list them off and eventually got to my wife.
    Looking back, that's where I should have stopped.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    I walked into a car showroom and said to the salesman, "My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window."

    He said, "We don't have a Volkswagen Golf in the window." I said, "You do now."
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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